A Thought...  

Divinitydesires 46F
4872 posts
5/1/2006 9:32 pm

Last Read:
5/12/2006 9:17 pm

A Thought...

If I was to say... "Use me, abuse me... but do not fall for me?" How would that sound?

I had a man tell me this once. I had to laugh because I was in no position to think anything but erotic thoughts about him let alone giving him my heart. Over time I have come to feel that I will never be able to have feelings of trust for another human being let alone fall for someone. So I have found myself using this phrase.

I can hear it now. "You can't help who you fall in love with."

I don't think love will ever find me, it isn't real for me so why bother with it the emotion at all. And trust is such an issue for me right now I know that it'll be many years before I will ever trust another person.

That's a lot of lonely nights. *sobs*

UnpinAfireFaust 57M

5/1/2006 10:59 pm

"When you least expect it.... " got me Divinity. I had many of the same thoughts as you...who could love me? ....who could I ever trust again? And then out of no where appeared the person who has become my Best Friend . It was scary when it happened because it was something I wasn't looking for and didn't of course expect. And over a year later...I still shake my head in amazement that someone so stunningly beautiful, so compassionate, so erotic and passionate...could find anything of interest in me.

So always keep in mind.... "When you least expect it... " .

** Sending hugs and warm thoughts that you soon find what I have **

HeardLankaMalls 55M
2925 posts
5/2/2006 4:01 am

It's a tough emotion to just shuck DD. Easy enough to satisfy the physical desires; and obviously you've been hurt enough to steel your heart against the emotion. But watch out...it has a way of sneaking up on you occasionally.

Hugs, C

fantasylover_05 62M

5/2/2006 4:45 am

Dearest Divinity

I know you are in that place right now... and I am truly sorry for what has lead you to it.... but I do honestly believe you will one day find love and trust again... it will not be easy... but time will heal those wounds...........

In the mean time.. you take good care of you my sweet Divinity!

MaggiesWishes 59F

5/2/2006 5:40 am

Sis, take your worries to a higher power and let faith bring you love, trust and peace within and without.
warm huggies & wishes

openhonestsex 64M
1 post
5/2/2006 7:01 am

Your though has been my life for way to many lonely nites.Thisis the second blog I have read.I feel less lonely already.Divinity you sould never feel really lonely,not with this groupe. Andnow you haveme if you ever need.

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11238 posts
5/2/2006 12:41 pm

~ nodz ~

feeling this ....

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
5/2/2006 7:12 pm

I feel for you. Sometimes I feel the same as you, as I have been very hurt before too. Opening your heart and emotions is tricky. With the right person, you will. Never let go of your dreams. Anything can happen.
My thoughts are with you.

im_curious_4u 50M

5/2/2006 9:25 pm

Buck up young lady. The right guy will come long. Just make sure he never ever ever abuses you in any way shape or form.

bedroomice2003 43M

5/3/2006 1:56 am

I agree that you don't always choose who you fall in love with. Sometimes you can think you're in love when you really aren't, and other times you can love someone you never would've given a second thought about.

Love is so damn incovenient, and yet so important to our well-being and happiness. Your trust issues will fade when you meet someone who deserves your trust (yes, they do exist).


HBowt2 58F

5/3/2006 4:27 am

wondering right with you on this one...


5/3/2006 1:37 pm


Tolerating those lonely nights has become so easy now that I fear I've become sub human. I want them to be intolerable as a means to light a fire under my ass to get myself out of this but currently I see no billowing smoke clouds arising from my hindquarters.

I'm not sure what started to make them so easy to tolerate either and I am genuinely alarmed about this but here's my current suspect list as to what might be the culprit here....

1. I just don't care about anything anymore

cant' be true because if that were the case I'd be dead

2. you get better at tolerating isolation the more you do it

might be true but I want the motivation of having it be intolerable. Despite wanting that it has become quite tolerable and seems to get even moreso everyday.

3. my sex drive if fading into nothingness

This can't be it because I'm as horny as ever.

4.Social ineptitude peaking due to lack of real social contact

Even if this were true (which it isn't) it's actually more of an effect of isolation but not a direct cause of why I've become way too at ease with not having anyone in my life.

5. My sense of actually being human is eroding

Might be true. So far this seems to be about the only thing that holds water.

Well this excercise hasn't seemed to help me figure out why not having had any contact with the opposite sex for years now has become like second nature to me. I hope you never get this comfortable with it because I think if this continues I could easily go the rest of my life living like this and that is something I do not want to do.

Watch out if you find yourself in a "similarly alone but absolutely comfortable with it" attitude. It's truly the devil in disguise!

I'll hit yet another anniversary of isolation in mid July.



boydcounty 67M

5/3/2006 2:31 pm

You can't plan on love. It just happens.

Love is a funny thing
Shaped like a lizard
Climbs up yer backbone
Sits on yer gizzard


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