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Revenge of the Mentally Challenged
Revenge of the Mentally Challenged
I got delayed 20 minutes on the way to work today because of yet another 6-car accident. The laws of physics are a cruel joke played on the simple-minded. For most of us with full cerebral function, some things are just intuitive. You didn't need high school science class to explain to you that if you drop something, it's gonna fall to the ground. we all tend to "lean into the turn" when driving, and just about any kid that's ever mastered a yo-yo or ridden pipe with a skateboard already has an acute understanding of Kepler's Law of Harmonics. So why are the laws of motion so hard for Colorado drivers. I especially love the guys that buy $60K SUVs just so they can drive like maniacs in bad weather because they've got 4-wheel drive. Quick tip: big objects moving really fast are kind of hard to stop. Wet highway, SUV doing 85 on a sharp turn, road veers one way while he keeps going straight, and the fire department has to pull his vehicle out of the gully. Last winter, I watched with shock and idle wonder as a guy, who apparently did a hack job on his car to make it into a convertible, went driving down Parker road in a blizzard with no top on his car. Truly, Darwin would rethink his theories to be alive today and see all the dumbasses corrupting the gene pool.
It boils down to the fact that some people just don't get it; they'll never get it. I'm one of those people that love cheesy shirts with comical one-liners. When I wear them, I like to think of it as my gift of humor to the world. I've got a woodland camouflage pattern t-shirt with bold yellow writing that says Ha! Now you can't see me. When my niece turned 17 and went through her first boyfriend breakup, I bought her a t-shirt from Hot Top that said Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them. She laughed and gave her uncle Shawn a hug. I became one of the boys that wasn't so stupid. But the t-shirt I pride the most, yet ,ironically, wear the least often, is a black T with simple white letters that say: You know what you're problem is? You're stupid. The first time I wore it, I came to realize there were two types of people in this world - those that found the shirt funny, and those that found it offensive. Not surprisingly, the offended people turned out to be offended or a reason. They're usually idiots. So now, I wear my t-shirt as an exercise in demographic sampling, which always seems to make for an interesting Saturday around town.
Cool, old guy: that shirt's hilarious!
Me: I'm glad you get.
Teens outside Independent Records: Dude, that t-shirt's so cool! Where'd you get it
Me: Thanks. Ohio. Pull your pants up.
Drunk college guy at Old Chicago: Take the shirt off, asshole!
Me: Whoa! What language. You suck your boyfriends dick with that mouth?! (I love being a 235lb black man sometimes. You can get away with being a smart ass)
Drunk college guy at Old Chicago after 7 more beers: Dude, I love yo' shirt!
Me: You still suck dick.
Hot clerk at Cristy Sports: That t-shirt is so cute!
Me: So are you. You still gotta boyfriend?
Me: No. I'm serious.
Woman with two kids in line at Chick-fil-e: That shirt's kinda rude. Should you be wearing that in front of kids?
Me: Why not? Kids don't need t-shirts to tell them that their parents are morons. (I wonder how long it'll take her to put two-n-two together?)
Now, what's the likelihood that the next crash to keep me held up on I-25 for a half hour will be the guy from Old Chicago? Hmmm.
4/26/2005 9:12 pm
Now I know what to get you for your birthday-- I will start looking for a t-shirt or get one made up at the mall...
Now for a really catch saying??????
You gotta beer card at Old Chicago-- so do I... we should go get some beers to fill-up the card
5/1/2005 11:56 pm
That was brilliant..was in Denver during the blizzard as a bradesmaid for a wedding and i saw those drivers! They were scary! I didnt get it and hoped that all u folks out there werent like that and got your head frozen 1 too many times..Rock on with the shirts!!|
"live fast die pretty"
"boys make good pets"
"i have so much animal magnetism squirrels stick to me"
hot topic rocks
5/2/2005 7:06 pm
Sweety - I'm game! Beer card, you say? What a wonderous invention! I've never been so bold as to brandish a card celebrating my alcoholic tendancies, but cash at Old Chicago works just the same. You just have to promise not to take advantage of me if I get to tipsy |
Bunny - no, not all of us highlanders are that stupid, although many of us on the demented side are always up for a head freeze on the slopes during ski season. I mean, this is, like, extreme sports capital of the country! Guys here will do anything for an a-rush. Last season, I got to carve some good backcountry powder in 5 feet of snow and froze BOTH heads. Yikes!
Speaking of which, I've also got a T with a stick figure falling on his face that says, "I do all my own stunts" I like wearing it when I skate bowls or snowboard because it makes more sense, and get's a lot more laughs, when I fall on my head. Yeah, I'm wicked intelligent but easily amused.
5/4/2005 11:18 pm
NS42 - you're a better man that I. Some guys just seem to be able to drink beer all night, distributing it to the lower extremities like magic. 2-3 beers for me, and feels like I got force fed a Firestone tire. By that time, I'm ready to either move to liquor or call it a night. But you're more than welcome to go out with sexysweetie4u23 |