You Can Learn A Lot At The Zoo  

DefiniteTrouble 50F
2839 posts
10/16/2005 8:33 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

You Can Learn A Lot At The Zoo

There's a natural wildlife park and zoo located close to my house that my daughter and I have taken great joy in visiting over the years. So much so we had season passes before she decided she was too old to embark on such journeys with her Mother. Anyway, yesterday morning showed promise of a lovely day outdoors, and knowing five_speed's love for nature, we decided to spend a few hours roaming amongst the tigers and elephants. I was especially excited that he'd never seen a Meerkat, an animal I'd grown quite fascinated with since it's arrival at the park. By the way, that's the Meerkat pictured at the top of this post. I'll skip many of the details of our excursion, and instead, I'll provide you with a list of things I learned through observation with my beloved.

1. WTF was I thinking?

2. There are some places you should NEVER take five_speed. (I have a lengthy list. This is now close to the top.) I should've taken heed when I saw the sign posted at the front gate "Domestic Pets Not Allowed - No Exceptions."

3. As you're heading for the door of the ladies room and you hear the words "I'll sit right here on this post and see what kind of onlookers I can attract," you should worry...possibly slip out the rear entrance of the restroom.

4. You should never take five_speed to the zoo after lunch...when the animals are napping. Yes, that's right. He becomes an uncaged, live exhibit providing entertainment the brochure disclaimer couldn't even begin to describe.

5. He is certified in all things "authorized." If you see a sign that says "Authorized Personnel Only" be warned...he's authorized. Doesn't matter what it is...he has that certification. This includes alligator exhibits under construction. He does a mean Steve Irwin impression by the way.

6. NEVER tell him you desire having a wild animal as a pet. "Lift your shirt and make a distraction while I sneak around the back." NO...I didn't do this! Downside...I still don't have a Meerkat.

7. Ranger's evidently have a unique way of slaughtering chickens. **shakes head** I'm sure I'll be receiving therapy bills from several parents whose children overhead the step-by-step instructions.

8. The White-Handed Gibbon makes a noise he compared to that of a toy space gun. Shrieks, shrills, and echoing. Nope...the monkeys didn't have shit on five_speed.

9. The evil laugh that erupted from him when I mentioned I'd never been thrown out of a zoo should have been a good warning sign...especially when followed by the words "There's a first time for everything."

10. I have lost any sanity I thought I had. Again, I have to ask...WTF was I thinking?

Soon I'll be boarding a plane with five_speed. Oh yeah...you read that correctly. Told you I've lost my mind. Our destination? **hangs head in hopelessness** To visit our dear friend travelingintexas. That's right...I'll be in the company of 2 who are "authorized" and "certified" in everything. I fear for my life. I fear for my safety. I fear for my freedom. I really don't look good in stripes. (This thought outweighs my fondness for handcuffs.)

Dear friends...I have a true issue here. It's obvious I no longer need to be making my own concious decisions. I need your advice. I need your help. I need your suggestions.

- DT

Index 1 , Index 2


rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
10/16/2005 11:00 am

Dear DT,
Roll with it.
xo,
W

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


carebearluv2 42F

10/16/2005 7:50 pm

May the force be with you DT...I hope your sanity remains after your visit..lol..I am sure you will have nothing short of a great time with those two! Should make for some interesting blog material. If you need rescuing, let us know!


Ana_6973 43F

10/16/2005 9:44 pm

Sweetie, when the two of you head over this way, I promise Vegas will be a safe visit. Hmm, maybe I shouldn't promise that. I am now imagaining all the trouble that young man could get up to. I'll meet you at the airport with the straight jacket. And perhaps I'll see if there are hotels that offer rooms that you have to be let out of in the morning for your peace of mind. Besides, think of the fun you all could have in a a room with padded walls.
Have fun in Texas!
Later!
{=}

~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~


cozy1957 59M

10/16/2005 10:14 pm

Three simple things....
1. Have fun
2. Have fun
3. Have fun


five_speed 41M

10/16/2005 11:11 pm

my suggestion: take me to the adult toy store or costume/party store next time! heheheheheheh!


Nightguy_1961 55M
4866 posts
10/17/2005 12:02 am

If need be, come to this part of Virginia.....we've got lots of places for you to hide. And enough family/friends to make sure you can stay hidden as long as you want or need to...<<grins>>

Honestly....just roll with it...you seem to very capable of handling anything that comes your way.

NG....why am I up this early in the morning? Oh yeah, I'm at work...DUH!


AlbertPrince 57M

10/17/2005 1:46 am

You didn't consider leaving him at the zoo??? I am sure he would make a great attraction.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 5:23 am

Wahine - I have no other choice...HELP.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 5:23 am

KJ - I need you guys on speed dial PLEASE.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 5:25 am

CB - ** giggles at "May the force be with you" **

No blogging! What happens at Starbuck's, stays at Starbuck's.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 5:27 am

Magus -

Hmmm...you do realize we're not actually related?

I'm going of my on freewill...of course kidnapping devices, ie, blindfolds and handcuffs are always welcome once 5 and I are alone.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 5:29 am

Ana - bring tranquilizer guns...he can chew through a straight jacket.

Liking the padded room idea, lol...does this include a case of baby oil?


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 5:36 am

Cozy - ALWAYS. I'm in a state of perpetual laughter and happiness.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 5:40 am

    Quoting five_speed:
    my suggestion: take me to the adult toy store or costume/party store next time! heheheheheheh!
Babe...those are # 1 and # 2 on the list. **eyeroll**

I get in enough trouble alone in toy stores fondling the merchandise...fondling you AND the merchandise might get a little out of control. The costume store? I have scary visions of monocles, light sabre swords, and gorilla suits. Wonder why?


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 5:54 am

NG - thanks for the advice and the invite. Much appreciated.

Hey, I'm up this early as well...nothing like blogging over coffee before work begins.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 10:07 am

T ? See...only you would find my horrifying experience funny. Did I mention he does a gorilla impression that makes you look twice to see if it's an actual gorilla? Oh yeah...

Yep...the "Authorized Personnel" part scares the shit out of me. I'm not sure how I ended up sammiched between you two. I've been corrupted. My mind is now as demented as both of yours. I was such a shy, innocent soul before. **ducks lightning bolts**


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 10:11 am

    Quoting travelingintexas:
    Just for the record... While I have a sister... I do not have a brother. However, I always wanted one and it couldn't get any more perfect than this. I was dying when you described the Authorized Personnel Only portion because that is exactly what I would do.

    Whats even funnier is that when we message or talk to each other, it is always with a minimum of words but our thoughts are conveyed as if we had conveyed our entire minds to one another. See, I think we ARE long lost brothers.

    You are in soooooooo much trouble when you get here LOLOL
No he didn't. NO he didn't! He compared me to a brother? **checks between legs for balls**

lmao...true about the convos. How hard is it to understand the meaning behind " f**k you, eat me, suck me, bite me, etc..."

Yes, dear friends, it's truly sad the way he talks to me. I would NEVER speak to him in such a manner. **ducks huge lightning bolts**


five_speed 41M

10/17/2005 10:56 am

T, I think we might be fraternal twins, separated at birth. I asked my mom if there was something about my birth that I didn't know, something she wasn't tellling me... she just looked to see if dad heard me, and blushed. She wouldn't look me in the eye. So either i do have a long lost brother, or I really am the mail man's son. I can't tell which...


five_speed 41M

10/17/2005 10:59 am

DT, we're gonna have a BLAST no matter where we go. I am infamous for making people laugh at funerals. You are in good hands, and you know it. so stop complaining.

ooo! ooo! aih! aih! aih! oooo! oooo!

*thumps chest and jumps from the bed. scrathes head. scratches butt. sniffs finger.*

OOO! OOOO! AIH! AIH! AIH! OOO! OOO!


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
10/17/2005 11:42 am

RUN... LIKE... HELL!!!!! LMAO...


barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
10/17/2005 7:55 pm

He lied about killin chickens. He diddnt tell be crap to kill the birdie but get a shovel and a pillowcase.. Hes all suspect..

Bring a taser

Its good to be...ME


five_speed 41M

10/17/2005 10:14 pm

Bunnie, I didn't lie about killing chickens. maybe I missed my guess, but some how I doubted you really wanted to kill the birdie the same way I killed that chicken. I am not going into details on this one, but I think DT will back me up on this one.

Besides, the pillow case and shovel worked, didn't it?


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 10:24 pm

5, baby...I am a woman. I was issued official paperwork and complete instructions at birth on the proper way to complain. I'm "authorized" and "certified."

LMFAO...STOP IT!!! You're not a primate!


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 10:25 pm

Sizzle - I'd run but they'd find me. No sense in wasting the energy.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 10:26 pm

Al - he's an attraction alright. I could charge admission.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 10:27 pm

lmao, I knew I could count on you Bunz. A taser is an excellent idea.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/18/2005 4:16 am

EW...no. Bunz didn't wanna put the little birdie out of it's misery the same way as you guys did the chickens. EW.


five_speed 41M

10/18/2005 7:54 am

Five Speed likes tazers! tazers tickle!


dano6332 56M

10/18/2005 8:23 am

DT You do not need our help or suggestions. Well maybe one
In all seriousness Do not get scared by the emotions. Remain open to the possibilities and do not run away when you get overwhelmed. Timeouts are ok to catch your breath but not if they involve weeks apart.

Just enjoy it all


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/18/2005 10:05 am

five_speed's elevator doesn't go to the top floor...stays in the basement mostly. See what I mean??? And there's going to be 2 of them??? 2!!!


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/18/2005 10:14 am

Dano...oh, Dano.

You must be truly lost in the world of the mushy-gushy. VERY happy for you two, by the way.

You seem to have missed the whole point here. I'm not scared of my emotions...I don't get overwhelmed by mine and 5's relationship. It's truly blissful. I cherish every waking moment with him.

BUT...you understand his crayon box is missing a few colors? And T's crayon box was run over by a dump truck. I'm going to be spending 3-4 days with both of them alone??? This is my issue!


dano6332 56M

10/18/2005 3:03 pm

Oh I understand your issue or lack thereof. I also understand how deeply you love your brother even if he is insane and as for 5 hell what can you say.

Nope I was redirecting your faked angst back to the real issue. Hell your missing as many crayons as 5 (sure maybe not as many as T but than your a woman and except for being somehow controlled by cycles of tides and 7 year cicadas your naturally more grounded).

I agree your doing very well and was maybe projecting my thoughts but it is a pretty common issue for deep thinkers and yes you are one, we tend to overthink things including relationships.

So missy touche


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/18/2005 3:51 pm

lmao Dano...I stand corrected. I'm getting very used to that lately. **eyeroll** Oh yes, I'm one of the great overthinkers. Sucks at times doesn't it?

Moi? Missing crayons? Ah...'tis true...but at least mine is the box with the sharpener. **sticks tongue out at 5 & T**


rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
10/18/2005 6:15 pm

DT babe...there is only one possible answer. for your own good & the good of blog land... they must both be killed.
i know someone.
call me.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/18/2005 9:35 pm

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO SJ


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/19/2005 3:58 am

T? Kiss my ass.


dano6332 56M

10/19/2005 5:38 am

DT you rock girl and 5 is a great match because your both nuts in your own ways. AND your just as lost in the land of mushy-gushy

Trav nice to see you. See at least your sister still has the box to keep the crayons in. Do you remember how important it was when you were a kid to get the 54 box with the built in sharpener? I got the 12 and I believe they were all prebroken


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/19/2005 10:26 am

Dano...moi? Mushy-gushy? Does that fit my persona? Kinda ruins my image. Damn. I like "in heat" better. LOL

**mocks T and 5** I have the box with the sharpener! Ha!


Mr_Goodgiver 59M

10/19/2005 1:40 pm

In the immortal words of Paul Simon (wait, he's not dead yet, I think):

"Someone told me it's all happening at the zoo... I do believe it, I do believe it's true."

Apparently that someone's never been to Blogland (wait, there was no Blogland back then)


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/19/2005 7:44 pm

Excellent observation Mr Good...


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
51F

10/20/2005 1:57 pm

good luck with the "brothers from another mother"

Go shop with him...slip out the back way...lmao

TTFN


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/20/2005 8:14 pm

lmfao Lips


five_speed 41M

10/20/2005 10:01 pm

five speed not need crayon sharpener! crayons taste just as good dull as they do sharp! Yummy!


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/21/2005 10:22 am

**eyeroll** Get the crayons out of your mouth and your finger out of your nose...PLEASE.


Become a member to create a blog