This One's for the Girls  

DefiniteTrouble 50F
2839 posts
8/30/2005 5:07 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

This One's for the Girls

Men, life's complexities, and plain 'ol humor...

If you want something said, ask a man.
If you want something done, ask a woman.

I'm real easy to get along with once you see things my way.

PMS? No. Just my personality.

Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.

I take life with a grain of salt...a wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

Wipe your mouth. There's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

I'm trying to see things your way, but I can't get my head up my ass.

If you can't be a good example, you'll have to be a horrible warning.

Sometimes I think I understand everything. Then I regain conciousness.

"Skinny people irritate me, especially those who say things like, 'You know, sometimes I just forget to eat.' Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat." -Maxine, Crabby Road

You say "bitch" like it's a bad thing.

Wicked girls drive wicked toys.

I gave up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you.

The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing...then they marry him.

You've been a naughty boy...go to my room.

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She has 14 kids but doesn't really give a shit.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

"Stressed" is just "desserts" spelled backwards.

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. A woman must do what he can't.

WARNING: I'm dangerously undermedicated.

I read an article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.

My personal fav...

WELL BEHAVED WOMEN DON'T MAKE HISTORY.


rm_dizzyandfun 48F
752 posts
8/30/2005 6:52 am

Excellent !!! Very, very funny!!

Dizzy x


your_gypsy 51F

8/30/2005 7:23 am

Never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you -- is my personal favorite!


DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/30/2005 11:47 am

Thanks, ladies.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/30/2005 11:49 am

*Note to the men:

Before any of you get pissy and decide I'm sexist or a feminist, please review...

WARNING: I'M DANGEROUSLY UNDERMEDICATED.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/30/2005 6:33 pm

LMAO T...good thing we're acquainted or I'd kick your ass for that comment re: "getting in the kitchen."

(No, ladies, he's not really a sexist pig...)


DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/30/2005 6:37 pm

For those of you wondering about the "treatment" he's referring to, visit travelingintexas and reference his "Dr. T" post.

He, and several others, gave me great advice regarding those of you who think my fondness for fellatio might be abnormal...lol.

Thanks T...so, I guess outpatient services are available?


DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/30/2005 8:56 pm

That's always been one of my fav's Foto, lol. I've often wanted to have it put on a t-shirt. I'd wear it...I'm not in denial...


dieharddrummerbo 54M

8/30/2005 9:55 pm

i think you're just weeding out the ones who can't take you or not sure. the ones remaining are just laughing, quietly, waiting to see what you'll come up with next. luv ya!


DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/31/2005 3:06 am

ty Diehard (smooch).


onelittlesecret 33M
1579 posts
9/1/2005 8:53 am

Well behaved men don't make history either.

Funny post.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/1/2005 9:54 am

Ah, but it's often expected of our parents for us girls to remain well behaved, polite and proper throughout life. Mine had a rude awakening, lol.

Glad you enjoyed.


onelittlesecret 33M
1579 posts
9/1/2005 4:48 pm

You girls do have a tough time of it, but so do us boys. (I hope I don't need to say I only talking in generalities here.) Although you're right, we can get away with being little dirty rascals, the pressure we have to deal with is we're supposed to make history. I'm certainly not saying one's worse than the other, it really depends on the individual.

In my life, I've had enough success at a young age to know that success ain't it's all cracked up to be. Or maybe I just haven't been successful at the right things.

I'm not trying to be contradictory or anything, I just thought that maybe I'd offer a little bit from the other side, on that quote.
At least my side.

Sorry for getting so heavy...
I think I need to write something frivolous...
Maybe something about chocolate...


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/2/2005 3:13 am

Oh damn, can't you guys just let us have our 5 minutes of glory? LOL

Thanks for your input One.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/4/2005 3:55 am

"Why do mean think they don't need directions when they can't even find their clean socks?"


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/4/2005 3:56 am

"So many men, soooooooo little aspirin!"


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/4/2005 3:57 am

"Why do men think they don't need directions when they can't even find their clean socks?"


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/4/2005 3:58 am

"How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes a woman to get him to do it."


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/4/2005 3:59 am

"Women are born with something men will never possess: a clue."


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/4/2005 4:00 am

"They say it's a man's world...so THAT's what's wrong with it!"


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/4/2005 4:01 am

Love this one:

"The Evolution of Man"
1. tadpole
2. frog
3. Prince Charming
4. Royal Pain


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/4/2005 4:02 am

"MEN!!! They sweep you off your feet then try to hand you the broom!"

(I use mine to fly, or so I've been told.)


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/4/2005 4:03 am

"If they can send a man to the moon, why can't they send them all?"


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/4/2005 4:03 am

"Men don't try to drive women crazy. It's just comes naturally."


dieharddrummerbo 54M

9/7/2005 10:01 pm

if the aspirin keep falling out, you must be taking them wrong!


dieharddrummerbo 54M

9/7/2005 10:07 pm

speaking of aspirin- a man comes home late, goes to the medicine cabinet, grabs a couple of aspirin, crawls in bed next to his wife and starts trying to put them in her mouth. she wakes up, startled, and asks "what the hell are you doing? i don't have a headache." the man replies, "great, then let's have sex!" aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak-yak-yak-yak!


dieharddrummerbo 54M

9/7/2005 10:10 pm

why can't a woman think when she's talking? every time she opens her mouth it creates a vacuum! aaaaaaaaaaak-yak-yak-cough-cough!


dieharddrummerbo 54M

9/7/2005 10:16 pm

we don't need no stinking directions. we drew the freaking maps! and hey! no clean socks- no problem! aaaaaaaaaaaaay-yi-yi-yi-yi!


dieharddrummerbo 54M

9/7/2005 10:22 pm

screw the light bulb! why can't you get off your lazy oprah-watchin bon-bon eatin ass and change it yourself? i'm too busy bustin mine and payin for them!


dieharddrummerbo 54M

9/7/2005 10:25 pm

i don't believe that was a guy in the starring role of "clueless"!


dieharddrummerbo 54M

9/7/2005 10:36 pm

the evolution of woman; tad-no pole, miss piggy, wicked witch of the east, hillary clinton


dieharddrummerbo 54M

9/7/2005 10:38 pm

how do you kill sex in a relationship? put a ring on her finger.


dieharddrummerbo 54M

9/7/2005 10:44 pm

" to the moon- alice!" we need to leave someone here who can convey directions back.


dieharddrummerbo 54M

9/7/2005 10:47 pm

oh, and did i say, "luv ya dear!"


dieharddrummerbo 54M

9/7/2005 10:51 pm

oh, wait. one more thing. why can't YOU put the toilet seat back up?


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/8/2005 5:44 am

LOL Diehard...the last one is a classic.


rm_mtnravyn 60M
890 posts
9/8/2005 10:15 am

As you requested DT
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table.
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude.."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her
clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching.
MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/9/2005 9:20 am

LOL...Thanks MTN...LOVE that one.


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