Psychiatric Hotline  

DefiniteTrouble 50F
2839 posts
9/7/2005 7:54 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Psychiatric Hotline

In today's wonderful world of technology, we're growing more accustomed to, no matter how badly loathed, the automated answering system. Everybody has one from your doctor, to the insurance company, and yes, your ISP. There's nothing worse than going through the succession of "press such and such number" only to be left on hold for someone who never answers, or even worse, hitting the wrong button and having to start over again. And again. And again...

Just imagine, in your worst time of crisis, dialing the number you were given for immediate help and hearing this...

"Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline Automated Answering Service.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, and 5.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what to do.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be advised that the thing you are holding up to your head is alive and about to bite your ear off.

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Hotline. Have a nice day!"

Erotica? Humor? More about me? Please view my quick reference listing of past blogs. Index 2


rm_mtnravyn 60M
890 posts
9/8/2005 11:17 am

DT What are the upper eschelon, cultural abnormal hedonistic sensualists supposed to do. And why does mz huny's temporal and mental confusion not rate us a room together?


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/8/2005 6:29 pm

lol MzHuny...not multiple personalities. Just a good-hearted country girl.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/8/2005 6:30 pm

MTN - we breath in, we breath out. As far as MzHuny...better take that up with her. You know where to find her...


xx_44DD_xx 51F

9/9/2005 5:57 am

I am laughing so hard DT!!!!!!

I think I could break into Fort Knox before I could reach a "live operator" on some of these automated phone lines.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/9/2005 7:02 am

LOL DD...great seeing you here. Again always nice to run into you gals somewhere other than at T's, 5's, or TDA's. (hush guys)

Funny story how I obtained this little tidbit. When I faced my first set of college finals, I had a bout of panic/anxiety attacks. After a trip to the ER ruled out the heart attack and stroke I was determined I was having, lol, my Dad suggested I see a Psychologist, as he encountered the same thing the night before he graduated from college. So, he calls a friend of his who happens to be a Psychologist and arranges a visit.

Naturally, they went through every diagnosis possible, and I went home feeling I had every dysfunction known to man...possibly a few that hadn't been discovered yet. I was properly diagnosed during my 2nd visit, and went on to tell the doc how I'd started reading up on all these disorders/diseases I knew relatively very little about, and was convinced I needed to be secluded in a padded room with a Haldol drip for the remainder of my life. He bursts into a thunderous roar, patted me on the back, handed me a short-term prescription and told me to call if the attacks continued.

Well, they stopped. I called and thanked him for humoring me, and told him the episode had given me an increased interest in the world of Psychology. A few days later I received an email from him with this humorous attachment...he had included a bogus number and told me to call anytime, lol. The original copy is posted on my fridge.


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