Perhaps I Should Explain...  

DefiniteTrouble 50F
2839 posts
9/5/2005 7:14 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Perhaps I Should Explain...

It's been brought to my attention that I need to update this, one of my original posts, as some of my views have changed and I'm often asked to elaborate on a few others. My original version will be in quotations, the updates and elaborations in bold text.

"I am continually dumbfounded by the amount of email I receive from those who don't meet my criteria. Too young, too far away, single, or just out for a one-nighter. As I sit here sipping my coffee, I've gone through and deleted 26 emails that I never even opened. Your interest is flattering, but it's often a waste of my time and yours.

I have no interest in younger men, especially those under the age of 30. No offense intended, but there's nothing we could possibly have in common. There are other more obvious reasons, and if you'd really like me to explain those, I'm sure you will indeed be offended."

I have always preferred older men, the age difference could be 5 months or 5 years...just older. They are often more experienced than myself in various areas, and I seize the opportunity to learn something new, no matter what the topic might be. They are often more stable, financially, as well as emotionally. With younger men, there's always the "sugar mamma" factor. I've worked my ass off to achieve the things I have, and won't let anyone use me for such. I'm not saying all younger men are looking for this type set-up. And by "younger" I don't mean those close in age...say 30 and up. Anyone younger than that will not even be a consideration.

"Some have lived as far away as New Jersey, California, Canada, even France. Considering I'm looking for a "buddy" on a regular basis, meeting isn't even a remote possibility, leaving cyber or cam sex as the only options. And that's not happening."

Well, not unless it's my "partner" and we're unable to be together at times. That's my only exception to the cyber/cam thing. Period.

"I have absolutely nothing against single men, but my few past experiences have tended to be riddled with drama, as they often don't understand the concept of having family responsibilities that can't be dropped at a moments notice. I may not be able to answer your call right away, return your call or even email the same day, which often causes hostility. So, I just prefer, actually insist on an involvement with someone in a like situation."

My view on this has changed dramatically over the past month or so, as I've come to realize there are several single men looking for the same type "relationship" as I due to varying circumstances. No drama, no petty jealousy, with the complete understanding and respect that things come up that can't be avoided, whether professionally or personally. I don't expect to be attached at the hip 24-7. You shouldn't either.

"The one-nighter just isn't me. It often leaves one with a feeling of cheapness or being used. I understand that this interests many men, and there are numerous women out there more than happy to oblige. I'm not one of them. Your screen name, sexual preferences (2 women, couples, group, etc), a long list of network friends or testamonials are often indicators that you're just out for a piece of ass. As my profile says, I don't hate the players, I just don't play the game. It's not satisfying and can be very risky."

I prefer one partner, long-term, to experience, fulfill, and satisfy one another's fantasies and desires to their maximum potential. How far we explore is something to be discussed then acted upon if we decide it feels comfortable for us both.

"There's something to be said for the type of "relationship" I'm interested in, especially for someone with my current "status." At the very least you make a new friend and confidant. If the chemistry is there, the passionate sexual exploration and satisfaction is unbelievable, often mind-blowing."

My "status" isn't of the normal variety. True, I signed one of those legal pieces of paper many years ago, but things have changed over the years for numerous reasons I don't feel the need to discuss openly. We haven't had a sexual relationship in over 5 years, but remain the best of friends, and will continue to do so, even after our impending divorce. I am financially independent, having never relied on a man for support. My time is my own, my only obligations being my career and my daughter, who recently moved into her own place, and my parents from time-to-time. I am free to travel, go out at night, and entertain in my home a great deal. As complex as it might sound, it's actually quite simple once you grasp the concept that I'm free to do as I please just as much as any other single woman you might encounter. Sure, it would be less perplexing to most if I lied and listed myself as "single." But, I'm brutally honest, and you should be as well.

I hope this clears a few things up. Anything I haven't covered or you'd like me to explain in greater detail?

five_speed 41M

9/5/2005 8:09 am

DT, It's nice to see someone lay it out in no uncertain terms like that. Personally, I thoroughly enjoy knowing exactly where I stand with a woman. When she sends out ambiguous signals, well, it just flat out pisses me off. I think a person should say what they mean and mean what they say. I am glad you are like that too.

hoppyone2 52M
2 posts
9/5/2005 8:38 am

words have meanings for a reason. i always get accused of brutal honesty. then afterward they appreciate it.send e-mail if u want.respectfully true.

rm_mtnravyn 60M
890 posts
9/5/2005 8:40 am

DT Why does the thunder come so long after the lightning? You did ask if there was anything I'd like you to explain further.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/5/2005 8:41 am

5 - love the new pic, lol.

And yes, straightfoward is always best. Saves time as well as heartache.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/5/2005 8:46 am

Hoppy - I find some find my in-your-face honesty offensive, whereas others truly appreciate it. Can't please everyone, so I concentrate on pleasing myself.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/5/2005 8:49 am

MTN - lmao...better refer to some meteorology journal for that one. I still have trouble understanding how it can rain in my yard and miss my neighbor 5 houses down... (shrugs)

onelittlesecret 33M
1579 posts
9/5/2005 8:51 am

Ohhh, so you have a daughter...

Does the apple fall far from the tree...?


DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/5/2005 11:19 am

One - I'll avoid a "normal" reply because your comment kinda makes my skin crawl. She is, after all, my daughter.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/5/2005 11:27 am

One - (and any others contemplating such a comment)

Please remember, that is my child you're inquiring about. I don't think a comment or reply of such nature is appropriate, although I'm sure your intention was all in fun. It's something, perhaps, you won't understand until you have a child of your own.

Why don't I have an interest in younger men? Perfect example.

dieharddrummerbo 54M

9/5/2005 1:49 pm

can't believe he asked that. nor your restraint. how f@#$ing disrespectful to you and yours. DT, i'm sure i probably don't need to tell you this, but i'd block the stupid little shit. i'll understand if you don't post this. luv ya.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/5/2005 2:16 pm

Diehard, it's ok.

I expect such from someone not much older than my daughter. After all, she's in that phase where I'm not sure her elevator is even cranking, much less getting close to the top floor. Gotta love her for being her.

And why wouldn't I post your comment? I appreciate your defense. (big ass hug)

onelittlesecret 33M
1579 posts
9/5/2005 7:54 pm

I'm feel terrible, I didn't realize what I said was so disrespectful and incineratory. As you mentioned, I was just trying to be funny.

I guess I have to keep learning the hard way to not say everything that pops into my mind.

I'm sorry.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/5/2005 9:04 pm

One - no problem.

Apology appreciated and accepted.

dano6332 56M

10/2/2005 12:32 pm

DT great stuff but yes a very confusing personal relationship. I wish mine ended so peacefully and friendly

DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/7/2005 5:59 am

Dano - I strive to end everything on a good note, whether professional, family or relationship related.

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