North Vs. South  

DefiniteTrouble 50F
2839 posts
8/20/2005 8:19 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

North Vs. South

Thought I'd pass along something a little different...after all, "It's Football Time in Tennessee!"

College Football Season: North Vs. South

Men's Attire:
North: sweater or sweatshirt with jeans.
South: khakis, oxford shirt, logo cap, and flask of bourbon.

Women's Attire:
North: same as the men, except chapstick and a $20 bill in their front pocket.
South: Louis Vitton duffel with 2 lipsticks, powder, waterproof mascara, concealer, and a flask of bourbon. $20 bill not necessary...that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size:
North: college stadiums hold 20,000.
South: high school stadiums hold 20,000.

North: expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
South: expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

North: take prospects on sailing trips before they join the law firm.
South: take prospects on fishing trips so they don't join the NFL.

Campus Decor:
North: statues of founding fathers.
South: statues of Heisman Trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:
North: a physics major.
South: also Miss USA.

North: Rudy Giuliani
South: Paul "Bear" Bryant

Getting Tickets:
North: 5 hours before the game at the stadium.
South: 5 months before the game you're put on a waiting list.

Friday Classes:
North: not sure if they're going to the game due to assigned project.
South: it's a campus holiday...started on Thursday.

North: parking lot opens an hour before the game.
South: RV's sporting team logos roll in on Wednesday...the real faithful came in on Tuesday...the die-hards are still here from last week.

North: hot dogs on the grill, lime in the beer, local radio station playing with the truck tailgate down.
South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn, accompanied by a live band, and bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:
North: you have to ask where it is and walk right in without waiting in line.
South: when you're near it, you hear it. On gameday it's the second largest city in the state.

North: drinks in paper cup filled with soda.
South: drinks served in plastic cups with logo, half full to allow for bourbon.

School Anthem:
North: when played, stadium is half full.
South: sold-out stadium sings along in perfect harmony.

Smell in the Air:
North: nothing changes.
South: cannon fire with a twist of bourbon.

Male Commentary:
North: "Nice play."
South: "Dammit it you slow sonofabitch, tackle him and break his legs!"

Female Commentary:
North: "My, this is a violent sport."
South: "Dammit you slow sonofabitch, tackle him and break his legs!"

After the Game:
North: stadium empties before the game ends.
South: another rack of ribs on the smoker while someone makes a run for more bourbon as planning begins for next week.

Words I Live By...

Football is religion, and I worship on Saturday.

Yes, the 3rd Saturday in October is a holiday. Just ask any UT or Bama fan. There are 2 events you try not to schedule on this day...weddings and death. In either case, the preacher most likely won't show up.

Tennessee football isn't a matter of life or's more important than that.

Southern by birth, Vol by the grace of God.

Huh? Oh, you're kidding. What? Vandy really has a football team?

"I never met a man I didn't like." -Will Rogers
(Will Rogers never met Steve Spurrier.)

dabritbikerw3 64M
29 posts
8/22/2005 6:22 am

Hmm, this from a guy who works the crowds and games for a sold out 83,264 seat stadium that has been sold out for 5 years. And Two Heisman's.

Y'all come back now ya here, we'll keep your sisters and shorts until you think you are a hitter.

And when you get done watching little boys play, C'mon up to Lambeau Field, where you haven't been able to walk up to the window and say one please for 58 years. Lambeau isn't the second largest city in the state on game day, but combined with the people hanging out around the stadium hoping for their first glimpse of the Holy Land during a game, it is the largest city in the Midwest. And we got us some big'uns up here.

And at the college stadium, you'll find that we are not a particular bunch, they'll drink anything. They most popular last year seemed to be Rums.

At Lambeau, Brandy is in the bubblers. Korbel, of course.

Ya'll up for this verbal spate of the National Pastime?

DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/22/2005 7:45 am

Although my biggest passion lies within the college ranks, I'll defend my Titans 'til the end. Verbal spat? "Show me the money!"

dabritbikerw3 64M
29 posts
8/22/2005 10:03 am

The whole TV system has missed a huge huge draw for men to be fans of the Titans.

For example, when watching the game, the score is somewhere on the upper corners, and it is abbreviated. If it is a city and team name, they use the city name, GB,SF, CIN, but if it is a state or regional name the use the name of the team, PAT, if they had continued this tradition when Tennesee hit the big league, a lot of guys, during and after the season would tout the praises of the TITans.

In recruiting in the college ranks, and getting fans into the stadiums in the pros, it's show me the glory, not money, Honey. When Mom and Dad are around "We go to bowl games", "We are on National TV", "We get guys noticed so they go to the Leaugue", when the recruits are along with the team sponsors to get "A feel" for life at that college, it is look at the beer and (less formal version of) girls as a football player.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/22/2005 9:59 pm

lol...Dabrit..."TIT" stamped across the top of the tv screen would be hilarious. You could always say "I'm watchin the TIT's." (Would piss many wives and girlfriends off I'm sure.) My Dad would get a kick out of that.

By "show me the money," I meant instead of verbal spats about upcoming games, just shut up and put up the money...I'm a gambling kinda girl. UT...we have the glory, year after year, as long as we can keep our players from behind bars, lol.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/23/2005 2:39 am

Oh! Almost forgot this one...

"The University of Tennessee: Where the men are men and the women win National Championships."

Pat Summit is THE goddess of basketball!

dabritbikerw3 64M
29 posts
8/23/2005 11:36 am

How can you forget that? I believe eight assisstant coaches are now running sucessful programs elswhere in WBB. (Including one that was here at UW) And she is a sweetheart kind of person, always ready to thank you for your efforts.

Yeah, UT FB is doing okay lately. But all programs have their rise and fall. It's usually centered around one major player that can gel the team together and move it forward in a mutual motion. People really believe it is a coach, but a coach has never thrown a block or run a punt back 57 yards for a TD. I never thought much of that comment when I had heard it before (From college FB's 2 time coach of the year) until I watched it during UW's back to back Rose Bowl victories. It was driven by an eventual Heisman winner who as a Freshman was a shy little gee whiz, golly, yeah I guess I did do that into a guide that had that entire team believe and would do anything (relatively legally) to win and justify the attention they were getting.

Story about keeping the boys out of jail. And yes I have huge amounts of them being around that program for 16 years. But this one sticks out. One day at work an old beater car creaked it's way along the buildings, slowly, back end lower to the ground, obviously loaded to the ground. It stopped, looked around a bit, I approached and asked if I could help them. An old proud man, sorrow and disbelief in his eyes, asked if one of the position coaches were around. I asked him what he wanted the coach for, and the eyes lit up, the face brightened and he started to tell me that his grandson here in the car was reporting for freshman orientation. I knew he was a day late, wasn't sure but decided to call the position coach and tell him (Something I would normally never do). The coach about jumped through the phone to hug me for the information, told me to make them comfortable until he got back there, etc., etc. I seated the Grandfather, future player, and the younger brother in an air conditioned area, with TV's (their old beater's AC obviouly didn't work and it was a hot summer day), offered them sodas. As we chatted the player was a soft spoken, obviouly someone who worked hard to work his way out of the bad areas of the south side of Chicago. An impressive, polite young gentleman. The coach showed and took him away with him asking me to take care of the Grandfather and brother. The grandfather told me how his protege had reported the day late because he wanted to play in the Chicago area all star game the night before. His grandson had broken 4 offensive/special teams records in that game in the worst trouncing by the South over the North in the history of the game. (Thought you might like that part)

The tired old grandfather brightened as he told me where they lived (a drug, shooting, filthy worst of holes in Chicago's bad South side) how his grandson had excelled in football and school (A student) had stayed away from liquor, drugs, never gotten a girl pregnant, etc., etc. The Grandfather was as soft spoken as the future collegiate star. The only pride in his life at that instant of a long history of aches was that grandson, who would lift himself out of the hard life with this opportunity and not have to life the hard life of the elder.

Our time together ended, with me astounded by the power of the Grandfather and Grandson, just knowing that the time with this man was one of the seminal moments in my life, promising myself to watch the stellar rise of this young man that I knew would succeed greatly, assessing the team strengths in a few years because this young man had the potential to be a heisman canidate, with the right team karma.

Two days later I read in a side bar in the local paper that a recruit to the FB team had gotten drunk, brutally beat and a woman in her home after bar time. I couldn't believe the name, it couldn't be correct. It was. At the court hearing, I had to go to see for myself, I sat next to a tired old grandfather, listened to a young man accept the responsibility for his actions that night. His sponsor from the team took him out to a private party that night, told him that he, like the rest of his future teammates would have a lot more fun with a few drinks in him, told him how easy that girl was, she always hung with the team and would put out for any of them. In his first time drunk ever in his life, he followed her home, broke in and made her live up to the reputation he heard she had.

The old man I sat next to had no emotions at all. Just bland acceptance that yet another opportunity was just a cruel joke played on him by the overseers of life. He thanked me for showing up to support his grandson by my presense, no comments of how he had wished things have turned out better, he knew what hopes truly were to a man like him.

That was eight years ago, the young man gets out next January, and has no where else to go but back to that hell hole he thought he grew out of.

(Unfortuneately a true story, not a fantasy/tragedy)

DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/25/2005 6:33 am

Oh, I have to agree, what is a coach without talent on the field, or qualified assistants to analyze every move? He's simply a man without a job, lol. There have been some exceptions to that rule...the late, great "Bear" Bryant perhaps an example...Tom Landry as well. And as bad as I hate to admit it, oh dear Lord, I'm actually putting this in words for all to see..Steve Spurrier, no matter my opinions about his cocky, smartass attitude. Would love to smack the shit out of him, but do respect his coaching ability, as well as his outstanding accomplishments as a former player.

The influx of jailed players, both college and professional levels: Ok, mostly stupid mistakes so graciously put in the limelight by the media because of who they are. Yeah, McNair had a few drinks and decided he was capable of driving himself home. The court later agreed with him. But the media circus between rivaled that of a serial killer. It was often the lead in story on every news station for months. Had it been my joe-blow neighbor in the same exact circumstance, I might not have even known. Should the team owner/manager inflict further discipline? Please, this man has been through enough. Lesson learned. Let it go. However, if a bar brawl involving college players breaks out for whatever reason, people are injured, property destroyed, arrests are made...then yes, further discipline might be necessary. Not only to teach the players that no matter who they are this in not appropriate behavior and could affect the way a pro team might view them when scouting, but to protect the univerity's reputation and future recruiting efforts. Yes, if you don't behave in college, there's a chance you might wind up unemployed without a clue when your 4 or 5 years are up boys. You're story, Dabrit, is a perfect example of the invincible player who found it the hard way.

As far as the current coaching situation at UT, I'll decline comment as not to offend any of my fellow orange-wearin, "Rocky Top" singin' bothers and sisters. However, should the quarterback situation turn into an unjust fiasco, or favortism be shown based on status and monetary contributions instead of talent as it has the past few seasons, I'll let it fly. I can only bite my tongue so many times before it'll require stitching.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/25/2005 7:26 am

2 more I find particularly funny, although they don't directly relate to football:

"Show me a kid running around in a diaper at a flea market drinking soda in his bottle, and I'll show you a future NASCAR fan." - Jeff Foxworthy (paraphrased...not sure if I got it word-for-word)

"I had the right to remain silent. I just didn't have the ability." - Ron White

wayne340 69M

8/25/2005 3:08 pm

LOVED "It's Football Time In Tennessee" LMAO at some of them.
Here's a non-interesting tidbit I'll share with you anyway: As you know, I am a "KJ", a "Karaoke Jockey", and I host the show Friday and Saturday nights at my local American Legion Post. Whenever Tennessee is playing a Saturday night game, the karaoke show does NOT start until that final gun. When the team wins, I will have already had "Rocky Top" queued in the CD player, and when the countdown is at "5" I press play. Zero gametime and the banjo intro to the song hit almost simultaneously !!! The speakers are turned up a notch above "maximum allowable" for the show, and we all go NUTS !!! Several rush over to the mikes and sing along with the words on the screen. About the same time someone rings the "BELL" and buys the house a round !!!
******Give--Him--Six---TOUCHDOWN Tennessee*********

dieharddrummerbo 54M

8/25/2005 10:04 pm

saturdays at restaurants and pubs in the north- put out extra pretzels and have an extra keg or two on hand. in the south, at my brother's restaurant when the sooners are playing, a sign on the door reads" are you kidding? see you for brunch after church!" at my house on titans sundays-(before the divorce) "you didn't finish off the rum last night did you?" and-" i don't need to diet, where's the chili-cheese dip?"

DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/26/2005 4:24 am

Wayne, I have a CD with 5 different versions of "Rocky Top." (I can't believe I just admitted that in public.) The original banjo version being my fav, of's also one of my cell ringtones. "Touchdown Tennessee" by Kenny Chesney is always played at some point on gameday...God, I miss John Ward!

DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/26/2005 4:58 am

The Sooners? Did someone actually type that nasty word in my post?

If for some reason I am not attending the games on Saturday or Sunday, and am watching from home, here are a few rules to consider:

1. Don't call me. I will not answer. Furthermore, your number will be added to a list of those I block during game time.

2. If you have been invited to my house to watch the game, do not speak to me except during commercials.

3. I will have prepared "game" foods ahead of time...wings, ribs, etc. Help yourself. Do not expect me to move. And while you're up, grab me another beer.

4. Protective gear is suggested, but optional. I will throw things. Ear plugs might be wise. If an outbreak of Turret's Syndrome surfaces, I'll be ok...just grab me another beer.

5. Do not diss my team or it's players. I have a permit to carry, and I do.

6. Clothing sporting logos of other teams are not allowed. No, you will not be required to strip naked. Wouldn't phase me during a game if you did. I have a sufficient amount of clothing you may borrow sporting my team logos. Yes, I will be taking pics of you in my orange bra, toe socks, boxer shorts, and orange and white striped Dr. Suess-style hat.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/26/2005 5:19 pm

Did anyone hear about Steve Spurrier getting trampled by a horse this past Monday? Tragic, no matter my opinions or views of him. Luckily, the Wal-Mart cashier ran outside and unplugged the damn thing before it killed him.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

8/28/2005 5:50 am

OK...I'M PISSED. After last year's QB fiasco...Fulmer not being able to decide on one QB, using both freshmen Shaffer and Ainge in a dual starting role, and both going out early in the season due to injury. Enter Rick Clausen, 3rd-string-really-never-took-a-snap-QB. Panic set in. Clausen stepped in like a seasoned veteran and earned the respect of everyone. Never flinched. Had an impressive season. Was equally impressive during spring training, scrimmages, and practices this year, his performance equal to or better than that of Ainge.

The announcement was made yesterday that Eric Ainge will get the starting nod at QB for us this season. Now, granted, I have nothing against the boy. He got hurt last season, so we really haven't seen him play up to his supposed capabilities. Damn sure heard his name enough, even as he graced the sidelines, always followed by the words "nephew of Danny Ainge."

Who gives a shit? Just because his uncle was a superior basketball player doesn't mean he has the skill to successfully lead our team. Football team, not basketball. Again, nothing against the kid, I haven't seen him play that much.

But, did see Clausen defy all the odds last season with great leadership and QB skills. I don't agree with this decision, as I'm sure many diehard Vol fans don't either. Clausen has earned the start.

Things have become too political. From what little I did see of the 2 inexperienced freshman last year, Shaffer clearly should have gotten the starting nod...alone. Sure, Ainge has an arm, but Shaffer could scramble as well as pass.

Was the decision to start duals QB's political (aka as $$$)???? Let's just say I think maybe it's time for Fulmer to toss his hat in the Senate ring, and let Randy Sanders have a shot at head coach.

Again, just my opinion...and like assholes, we all have one.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/3/2005 6:21 am

(shivers) Hell must be freezing over...

Vandy won! First time they've won a road game since 2001.

Damn. There goes a perfectly good tradition of cocktails and hob-knobbing. (Not like there's ever been much going on down on the field to keep your attention.)

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/4/2005 4:48 am

UT vs. UAB

A win is a win. <eyeroll> But, oh, what a terrible performance. I hate to say "I told you so"...but I did. Ainge just couldn't cut it. Clausen stepped in and did very well once again. <shakes head> Bet he still doesn't get the start against Florida.

Did anyone see our defense? No? Me either. Maybe they'll show up next time. <sigh> A win is a win.


Have to say, the Blue Raiders were very impressive.
(thinking they could've beaten UT yesterday)

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/6/2005 10:37 pm

Clausen's getting the starting nod in Gainsville...all is right in the world tonight.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/19/2005 3:00 am

GAG - Week # 3 in the NCAA just sucks.

MTSU - They looked respectable against Bama 2 weeks ago, but lost. They played North Texas one helluva game last week...lost. Akron, for God's sake...Akron? We used to beat them when we were II-A...we lost. Yes, it's time to rethink the coaching situation here. I used to love "Andy Mac." Had the hots for him when I was in high school and he was playing for MTSU. Then he coached at Baylor. Then MTSU AD convince him to come home 8 years ago. He turned on former AD "Boots" recently...note the "former."...Boots always treated him like a son...Andy Mac shoved the knife in and twisted it...politics. Andy Mac gets the knife next. I can hear the U-Haul cranking up now. And while the U-Haul's running...

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/19/2005 3:07 am

Have it stop by Knoxville and pick up Fulmer. (sigh) The Vols barely beat underdog UAB 2 weks ago, and after a week off, I had hoped they had their shit together before entering the "swamp." Nope. Not even close. It was a disgrace. Still playing 2 QB's...can't expect any team leadership doing that. And it showed against Florida. What a freakin mess.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/19/2005 3:10 am

Vandy??? They're hot!!! What I used to consider to be one of the best social mixers in the state has turned out to be one helluva a football season so far. 3-0...impressive wins...Wake Forrest, Arkansas, and Ole Miss. They're the closest SEC team to my home...I'm excited. I was getting tired of hearing "they're too smart" or "they should lower their academic standards." guys can play too.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/19/2005 3:16 am

Week # 2 in the NFL was one of delirium for me. My Titans kicked ass!!! After a sad opening loss against the Steelers last week, I was almost resigned to moving to Indianapolis. Win or lose...who cares? The Colts have my Manning...all I need. It was a truly exciting win for the Titans over the Ravens. Just awesome! We shut down former UT RB and NFL standout Jamal Lewis...held him to under 10 yards. Was surreal seeing Sumari Rolle and Deric Mason in the Ravens uniform though. Man, I miss last year's team. But, the rookies stepped up...looked great. Props to UT alums Henry and Haynesworth, MTSU alum Calico, and as always "Air" McNair and Bullock. Keep it up boys...we may make it to Detroit despite all the negative predictions.

DefiniteTrouble 50F

9/19/2005 3:17 am

The Colts? Manning, James, and Harrison. 'Nuff said.

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