Men!  

DefiniteTrouble 50F
2839 posts
10/22/2005 8:02 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Men!


No, I'm not your typical male-bashing female. Just some humor passed along from my Mom that I found quite funny. Hope you do as well - DT

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you..."

He said: Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said: Well, you succeeded.

What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumor.

He said: Shall we try swapping positions tonight.
She said: That's a good idea. You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

He said: It's just too hot to wear clothes today. What do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn naked?
She said: Probably that I married you for your money.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb...

He said: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger. Whoosh!!! Immediately he turned 90!!!
Gotta love that fairy!

A WOMAN'S PRAYER

Dear Lord,
I pray for the Wisdom
to understand my man;
the Love to forgive him;
And the Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord,
if I pray for Strength
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN.


Is there a blog Heaven and Hell? R.I.P. Cast your votes today for a deity and ruler. Votes will be tallied October 30...just in time for Halloween.

Index 1 , Index 2

rm_deaminveni 50M
116 posts
10/22/2005 1:50 pm

All good stuff, I like your style. Just by way of a little retort:

A guys laying in bed when his wife walks into the bedroom naked. "What are you thinking?" she asks.

"I was just thinking how 25 years ago I lay here on our wedding night thinking 'I'm gonna suck her pussy so hard I suck her brains out'"

"And what do you think now?"

"I think I did a bloody good job"


slidein2meplz 61F
1994 posts
10/22/2005 3:14 pm

***slide arrives at DT's...tryin to catch her breath...gulp..pant, pant...***

Hi'ya DT... hey.... 5 still has authority right? Well...Trav needs authorization... [post 123229]

***gonna go find 5 now...and skips off...singin..lalala***


~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~


digdug41 49M

10/22/2005 6:43 pm

DT those are really cool my wife and I enjoyed them

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
10/22/2005 8:18 pm

LOL... it 's good to have a mother with a sense of humor.


Nightguy_1961 55M
4866 posts
10/22/2005 9:39 pm

Sheesh....first bella, now you've gone on a male bashing spree. <<grins>>jk.

As I told bella...I'm waving the white flag, and dragging my knuckles back to my cave like the neanderthal that I am.

NG....ugh


SickHooteredLady 42F
62 posts
10/22/2005 10:05 pm

DT, seems there are people on this site who think I am you incognito. Don't you think that is strange? I do.

slidein2meplz has a post with a game to guess who I am, care to take a shot at it yourself?

Here's another:

A man sat at the table with a glum look on his face, drinking his morning coffee and remembering his wedding 25 years ago that day. His wife walked into the room and asked why he was looking so down.

His reply? "Remember 25 years ago when your father told me to marry you or he'd have me sent to jail? I'd be free today."


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/23/2005 4:20 am

    Quoting rm_deaminveni:
    All good stuff, I like your style. Just by way of a little retort:

    A guys laying in bed when his wife walks into the bedroom naked. "What are you thinking?" she asks.

    "I was just thinking how 25 years ago I lay here on our wedding night thinking 'I'm gonna suck her pussy so hard I suck her brains out'"

    "And what do you think now?"

    "I think I did a bloody good job"
lmao Deam...thanks.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/23/2005 4:21 am

    Quoting slidein2meplz:
    ***slide arrives at DT's...tryin to catch her breath...gulp..pant, pant...***

    Hi'ya DT... hey.... 5 still has authority right? Well...Trav needs authorization... [post 123229]

    ***gonna go find 5 now...and skips off...singin..lalala***
Slide - thanks. Evidently it was taken care of before I got in touch with T.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/23/2005 4:23 am

    Quoting digdug41:
    DT those are really cool my wife and I enjoyed them
Glad the 2 of you enjoyed, Digs. Like the new pic.


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
10/23/2005 8:45 am

If you keep this up, this will be another blog I have to avoid while eating..LOL
Hilarious!! heh heh...


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/23/2005 10:57 am

36 - Glad you enjoyed. This is one of the more "polite" set of jokes my Mom and her friends pass along. Some of them make even me blush.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/23/2005 10:59 am

    Quoting Sizzle364:
    If you keep this up, this will be another blog I have to avoid while eating..LOL
    Hilarious!! heh heh...
Siz - I try and make a point to never male-bash, but these were just too damn funny. Please refrain from spewing across to my monitor.


five_speed 41M

10/23/2005 12:44 pm

do you know why a woman doesn't need to wear a watch?

Because there's a perfectly good clock on the stove!

Why do women have small feet?

Because it makes it easier for them to stand close to the sink while they do dishes!

I keed! I keed! baby, you know I don't think like this! I'm just playing! No! NOOO! not the testicals through the nostrils agian!


dano6332 56M

10/23/2005 12:52 pm

LMAO Thanks baby


weineroftheworld 66M

10/23/2005 8:28 pm

LUV EM!! Here's one for you.
Two men and a woman are flying in a helicopter. Suddenly the helicopter tipped to one side and they all fell out. Luckily they all grabbed onto a rope as they slid out. Unfortunately, the rope was rated for only one person. They knew that two would have to let go and fall to their death.
The first man said, " I am father and have a wife and two little girls who need me."
The second man said, "I am the pastor of a church and hundreds of people who depended on me."
The woman said "I will let go. It is women who nurtured and raised the children, and through the ages sacrificed themselves for their families. Who stayed up at night for a sick child. It is a womans lot to put away their dreams for sake of men. So I feel it is only right that I should let go and sacrifice myself for two pillars of the community as you gentleman are."
The two men clapped.....


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/24/2005 4:56 am

    Quoting toothysmile:
    LOL... it 's good to have a mother with a sense of humor.


Toothy - she's a riot. Dad might not think so...


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/24/2005 4:59 am

    Quoting Nightguy_1961:
    Sheesh....first bella, now you've gone on a male bashing spree. <<grins>>jk.

    As I told bella...I'm waving the white flag, and dragging my knuckles back to my cave like the neanderthal that I am.

    NG....ugh
NG - nah...not a male-bashing spree. I enjoy the company of male friends much more than that of most women for that particular reason. I have a post dedicated to such on it's way. And I find it hard to imagine you as a KD...


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/24/2005 5:01 am

    Quoting SickHooteredLady:
    DT, seems there are people on this site who think I am you incognito. Don't you think that is strange? I do.

    slidein2meplz has a post with a game to guess who I am, care to take a shot at it yourself?

    Here's another:

    A man sat at the table with a glum look on his face, drinking his morning coffee and remembering his wedding 25 years ago that day. His wife walked into the room and asked why he was looking so down.

    His reply? "Remember 25 years ago when your father told me to marry you or he'd have me sent to jail? I'd be free today."
HooteredLady -

I've received numerous emails inquiring as to wether I'm you...and I wish it would stop. It's getting quite annoying. For the record, once again, NO, I am NOT SickHooteredLady.

Thanks for passing the joke along.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/24/2005 5:05 am

    Quoting five_speed:
    do you know why a woman doesn't need to wear a watch?

    Because there's a perfectly good clock on the stove!

    Why do women have small feet?

    Because it makes it easier for them to stand close to the sink while they do dishes!

    I keed! I keed! baby, you know I don't think like this! I'm just playing! No! NOOO! not the testicals through the nostrils agian!
5? Ha-fuckin-ha. That's almost as funny as you calling me a "cradle robber" in front of the waitress last night. Smartass. Uh huh. Your balls may remain lodged through your nostrils eternally. Asshat.

Can you feel the love?


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/24/2005 5:06 am

You're welcome Dano, baby.


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/24/2005 5:08 am

    Quoting weineroftheworld:
    LUV EM!! Here's one for you.
    Two men and a woman are flying in a helicopter. Suddenly the helicopter tipped to one side and they all fell out. Luckily they all grabbed onto a rope as they slid out. Unfortunately, the rope was rated for only one person. They knew that two would have to let go and fall to their death.
    The first man said, " I am father and have a wife and two little girls who need me."
    The second man said, "I am the pastor of a church and hundreds of people who depended on me."
    The woman said "I will let go. It is women who nurtured and raised the children, and through the ages sacrificed themselves for their families. Who stayed up at night for a sick child. It is a womans lot to put away their dreams for sake of men. So I feel it is only right that I should let go and sacrifice myself for two pillars of the community as you gentleman are."
    The two men clapped.....
Weiner - LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
10/25/2005 5:20 am

What is this? Some form of blog S&M? I'm hurting and laughing at the same time!

Ouch!!!! Hehehe

Tell me some more!


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/26/2005 5:31 am

Warm - lmao. if you want good S&M visit five_speed.


SickHooteredLady 42F
62 posts
10/26/2005 11:01 pm

DT, I am truly sorry that you have been harrassed by the minions of Nlogville. It's a shame that they didn't e=mail me, like I asked them to do in slide's blog. I did this as an inspiration after reading travelingintexas's comment that he plastered all over Blogville. Never intended to have anyone annoyed or hurt. The intention was to have a little fun.

Please check your e-mail tomorrow night or the following day, there will be a revelation for you. Since I am standard, slide is going to act as mediary for me necause I cannot e-mail you directly.

I hope we can still be friends when you find out!


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/27/2005 5:07 am

    Quoting SickHooteredLady:
    DT, I am truly sorry that you have been harrassed by the minions of Nlogville. It's a shame that they didn't e=mail me, like I asked them to do in slide's blog. I did this as an inspiration after reading travelingintexas's comment that he plastered all over Blogville. Never intended to have anyone annoyed or hurt. The intention was to have a little fun.

    Please check your e-mail tomorrow night or the following day, there will be a revelation for you. Since I am standard, slide is going to act as mediary for me necause I cannot e-mail you directly.

    I hope we can still be friends when you find out!
SHL - no problem. I think I've figured it out. If you're who I think you are...I apologize for being so bitchy.


dano6332 56M

10/28/2005 11:48 am

LMAO picturing 5 whistling dixie with balls hanging out of his nose


tigerdickaches 62M

10/28/2005 4:33 pm

[size6]ROARRRRRRRRR!

Tiger Dick
~^^~
~00~
>""<


DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/28/2005 5:06 pm

    Quoting dano6332:
    LMAO picturing 5 whistling dixie with balls hanging out of his nose
lmao Dano...I'll pass that along...


rm_albo02 59M
14 posts
10/30/2005 3:58 am

Thanks for the fine moments we had both home and at work. We looughed and loughed. Thank you. You are great story teller...


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