What is cheating? Pt. II  

DakR1972 44M   
104 posts
1/10/2006 7:31 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

What is cheating? Pt. II


Last night I posed the question if it was cheating to let someone listen to you masterbate and cum. I have debated this thought in my head for much of the day today, and I decided that it really comes down to one simple thing.

If it feels wrong to you, and you think it would feel wrong to them, then in your heart you know it's wrong. Justifying by saying "Oh, we'll never meet" doesn't matter. You have to face the person in the mirror every day. If you can't look that person in the eye after something like that...then you screwed up.

If you and your partner are okay and open with things like that, then it's a different story. Communicate and set your boundries and then you know where the line is. Cross it, and you've cheated. It's as simple as that.

Let's say you're okay with such things, but your partner doesn't feel the same way, then you have to decide what's more important. Your partner, or you personal desires. It's the difference between real love, and selfishness. When you cross into selfishness...it's cheating.

Maybe things aren't always so black & white. But my thoughts are this are my own. I'm sure others have their own ideas on the topic. I'd love to hear them.

0_may_I 52F

1/10/2006 8:26 pm

DakR, you are so right. Communication is the key,definately. That's what makes relationships work, my friend. It's what makes the world go around.
Regards,0_May_I


rm_sexyhotprof 43F

1/10/2006 8:53 pm

I agree that it's about communication and trust. I like the idea that if it feels wrong, it is likely to be wrong. The problem I see with that is that most people ignore their feelings.

My husband and I discussed this last night. If we set the boundaries and we both abide by them, it's fine. If we set the boundaries and someone is hurt when the other person crosses them, then the boundaries must be re-negotiated.

Cheating is never black and white, however, I also believe that cheating is a symptom of other problems in the relationship in need of some serious work.


DakR1972 44M   

1/11/2006 12:03 pm

    Quoting 0_may_I:
    DakR, you are so right. Communication is the key,definately. That's what makes relationships work, my friend. It's what makes the world go around.
    Regards,0_May_I
Yes, communication can accomplish a lot, as long as both sides are willing to do it. It can't be a one-way street. My ex-Girlfriend's issue was similar to this. She did all the communicating, he did all the dictating, but no listening.


DakR1972 44M   

1/11/2006 12:07 pm

    Quoting rm_sexyhotprof:
    I agree that it's about communication and trust. I like the idea that if it feels wrong, it is likely to be wrong. The problem I see with that is that most people ignore their feelings.

    My husband and I discussed this last night. If we set the boundaries and we both abide by them, it's fine. If we set the boundaries and someone is hurt when the other person crosses them, then the boundaries must be re-negotiated.

    Cheating is never black and white, however, I also believe that cheating is a symptom of other problems in the relationship in need of some serious work.
I don't agree that most, but I do know that too many do. Something else, the boundry rule only works if both people respect the boundries. If the boundry is crossed, it's possible not enough discussion was had before the boundries were set. If it happens again and again, then there's more going on than a simple renegotiation will resolve. I think that brings us to what you said about "other problems in the relationship". I guess it comes down to communication and trust, when it's all said and done.


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