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Difficulties of Dating
Difficulties of Dating
Being a single dad means that I get to enjoy all the joys and pains of being a parent. I get to watch my daughter grow up, and I will tell you right now, I wouldn't trade a second of it. However, it does come with restrictions that mean I generally don't have a life outside of work and home. Case in point: I have not gone out for a drink for about 4 months now, and before that, it had been at least a year. Sometimes my daughter goes out to her grandparent's house for an occasional weekend, so I'm free to do what I want. But the Bar Scene just isn't my thing, and I usually use my weekends to catch up on chores I didn't get to during the week, so I generally stay home. Thus meaning, even on the rare chance I have to go out, I still can't.
Maybe it is an excuse on my part to not bother with the whole messy affair of trying to find someone and go through that whole relationship thing again. Maybe I am subconsciously comfortable with being alone. Maybe I'm just lazy.
But past experience has burned me before. Having gone out in the past, everything goes well, until I mention that I raise my daughter on my own. The air becomes rather cold and the girl I'm talking to suddenly has "other things to attend to". This is code for "doesn't want to become a replacement Mommy". Keep in mind, I haven't mentioned anything about becoming someone's replacement mother. I'm looking for someone for me. I would hope this person could also get along with my daughter too, but when it comes to mothers, (unfortunately) she already has one. (I say unfortunately because this mother fails to stay in contact with her own daughter, and usually has a million excuses why.) As some people would say, I have baggage. What a horrible term. What I don't get is, why is this a problem? Don't want kids, be honest about it. I won't mind. But don't feel threatened by it. I clean my own house, do our own laundry, vacuum our own floors, wash our own dishes, I am sure-as-hell raising my own kid, where's the problem? But apparently there is one, so I usually wind up rejected.
So I have turned away from going out to find someone. Searching online, while a convenient avenue, it does not seem to be yielding a lot of results. There are good prospects, but most never seem to develop beyond online friendships. Now this isn't a bad thing, because I like having friends. It's also relaxing to be able to talk freely and openly about sex with people who I know are just as free and open about it too. So that's not a complaint. But when it comes right down to it, I do miss that feeling of the a woman lying in bed next to me, or her head resting on my chest after a few hours of passionate lovemaking. I miss the little things, the glancing touch, the look in her eyes, the kisses, the opposing viewpoints, and yes, the fighting. Where (and when) I'll find that, at the moment, I don't know. But for now I will look for fun, and see where that takes me.