I think, perhaps...  

DJCubanB 37M
1 posts
7/23/2006 6:44 pm
I think, perhaps...

... that this is like a casino.

In the sense that gambling is fun, but alluring in a certain way that is problematic.

I won't gamble more than $20 at a time. The reason is that if it's more than $20, I start to get itchy - I think about how much money I could be earning and how much money I might be losing, and suddenly there is a certain desperation in the way that I act. I suddenly think of the whole thing as important - and as a result, the enjoyment leaves.

That is happening here, somewhat. I'm starting to get hot and bothered about finding someone to get hot and bothered about, and consequently not having fun. I'm laying my self-esteem on the line, and making it out that I need to be wanted in order to have some.

I need to stop and just have some fun.

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