Winner of Today's "What Not to Say in an Email" Contest  

2208 posts
3/13/2005 5:20 pm

Last Read:
10/17/2006 12:33 pm

Winner of Today's "What Not to Say in an Email" Contest

I haven't had another email from The Cobra (whew!) and I think I may have figured out why.

On his travels through AdultFriendFinder , I think he may have dropped his copy of Penthouse Letters. I don't think there's a "lost and found" box anywhere, so today's winner decided to keep The Cobra's copy for himself.

The email isn't remotely personalized, so I could tell it was a copy and paste job. (Tsk, tsk.) To the writer's credit, he was polite and attached clean pictures. I'm sure many, many ladies all over this website got this particular email today. I'm the only one that's going to put it up in her blog. (I think. LO

The email is really, really long, but I figured I'd save you some time and get straight to the *cough* good stuff.

Dim the lights, pour yourself a glass screw-top wine, get comfortable and read on...

Have you ever imagined or dreamed of having your man come home and when he comes through the door your laying on the dinner table wearing some thing a little skimpy and truly sexy. Your looking simply gorgeous, your minds in a lusty daze as your body begins to tremble with every little sizzling thought. Now your temperatures rising and your entire body starts to moisten with anticipation of fulfilling your blistering desires!

He walks over and admires your beauty. As he leans over begins to softly to kiss your luscious ruby red lips, the tip of his hot moist tongue lightly touches and moves around and around the outer sweet edges of your lips. They become very moist as he continues. Your lips finally touch, there is an explosion of burning desire for his total affection, as they press together tightly your tongues intertwine sending a scorching and passionate carving throughout your minds and bodies. Then he proceeds slowly kissing, licking and sucking along the sides, infront and the back of your lovely and firey neck.

Then his moist hot tongue slides gently down your neck yearning your gorgeous hard awaiting nipples, wrapping his hot wet lips around each one, taking turns sucking them and gently nibbling with his teeth, while his hands softly and gently caresses the rest of your lovely tingling body.

Eventually, he pulls up a chair, sits down with his sweltering hunger of having you for dinner and fulfilling your yearning desires. He begins by gently kissing and sucking the inter part of your thighs feeling the warmth from your luscious tight pussy dripping envy, he softly kisses and licks your raging hot creamy pussy, while slowly sucking each one of your sweet luscious lips in an out of his moist mouth.

Spreading your legs apart and firmly grasping the cheeks of your firm ass with his hands, your beautiful pussy opens wide and he continues to suck your long awaiting passionate juices from deep within you, while tonguing your clit and fully eating your pink and delicious insides out beyond your own imagination for an hour or two...Intriguing for you?????

Do you like hot oils and a full body massage, while delicately caressing and kissing every inch of your beautiful and lovely body, along with maybe some enjoyment of a dildo or two? Does this peek your interests a little? Do you enjoy riding a nice hot and juicy tongue as well as a hard cock while getting your world rocked? How many times can you cum while having your pussy fully eaten? Would you like to find out???

Maybe you are a lady who also dreams of having her ass teased and licked with a nice hot wet & juicy tongue and just maybe sucked a little too. Is this one of your little fantasies???

("Dripping envy"? Wh-wh-what? That phrase gets a special WTF award. LO

Anyway, I will answer all of the questions posed in this excerpt.

Is this scenario intriging? No, but I do feel vaguely embarrassed.

Dildoes? Meh.

Interest peaked? In a road-kill kind of way.

Tongue and cock ride? Still trying to work out how to do that simultaneously.

How many times can I cum and would I like to find out? I'm usually not thinking about posting stats while I'm doing it. When or if I do find out, I'll let you know.

The butt/tongue business? Not necessary. Really.

I don't know about other people, but so-called erotic writing just doesn't do it for me. It makes me cringe.

I always imagine the writer sitting at his or her keyboard trying to think of fifty ways to describe genitalia. ("Hmmm...I've already used 'shaft' and 'womanhood'. Now what do I do?")

Well, back to the grind tomorrow. Everyone have a great work week. Or try to, anyway.

zenyen 65M

3/14/2005 10:15 am

Hi, DC-

I have to admit I like a little peek now and then And of course I like to peak . As you know, spell check can't cure word usage. And then sometimes my curiosity is piqued. What do you like in an initial email? Do you have any postive examples for us? What do you write in an email? If you were going to contact me, for example, what would you write?

1586 posts
3/15/2005 4:25 pm


What do I like in an initial email? Jeez...the pressure. LOL

Everyone is different with what they like, but I prefer someone that introduces themselves briefly, states his objective (honestly) and gives some indication as to how they'd like me to follow up.

I recently got an email that just said, "I wanna get with you." That was it. Ummm...okay. LOL

What I would say to you in an email would depend on what your profile. I would make some comment about the part of your profile that attracted me so that you knew I actually read it. Then I'd finish the email with the same stuff that I to see.

I don't know if any of that helps, but that's my two cents. : )

zenyen 65M

3/15/2005 7:58 pm

Thanks, DC. At least I seem to be on the right track, even if the response rate is low. I try not to say anything offensive, rude, crude, or stupid. I don't do cock shots - no big thing. I do read their profile and try to work that in there, but some of them don't really give you any information to go on. If there's enough information, I'll suggest we meet to do something they say their interested in, like take a hike. At least we'll have fun doing that, even if nothing else works out. To tell you the truth, it really doesn't seem to matter. No matter how much effort you put into writing them, the response rate is a few percent. Which isn't much better than zero percent. I'll bet if I just wrote "hey baby, you ride my purple headed passion pole and the world will never be the same", that I'd get better than zero percent response. And besides that I'd get featured in DCEbony's blog! Well, thanks again.

1586 posts
3/16/2005 3:21 pm

Zenyen -

If someone uses "purple headed passion pole", you need to sue them. That's all yours, baby. LOL

I've replied to people that haven't responded, so it's a two-way street.

Hopefully everyone will eventually make the connections that they're looking for. : )

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