Winner of Today's "What Not to Say in an Email" Contest  

DCEbony
2208 posts
7/12/2005 7:40 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Winner of Today's "What Not to Say in an Email" Contest


Hello, Gentle Reader.

Hope that you're having or have had a great day, depending on when you're reading this.

Today's winning entry is a doozy. I couldn't paste the whole thing(way too long), but I figure you might want to see what made this blogworthy. As per usual, the phrasing and spelling is exactly as I received it.

I would love to meet you, and meat you well.

Geddit? Meet and meat?

I sit here, thinking of the pleasures to be enjoyed and shared with you. What pleasure there must be to know the touch, smell and sight of your beautiful skin; the tones of your voice, to see your face beam with that terrific smile that knocks the earth slightly off its axis. What a pleasure to see your eyes twinkle at my slightly naughty jokes. Yet, how pleased to hear what you think about this or that thing of significance or not--proof of your good use of your parents money sending you to college.

Parents' money? Nope. Did that myself working two jobs the whole time, baby. But I digress...

The wonderful times that we could spend together, even though you may think the distance too far.

Yeah, I would consider someone two states away a little too far for some afternoon delight...unless he had regular access to a plane. LOL

You must know that I would travel far, and in time even send for you so that I might kiss your beautiful lips, lips which need to be licked, tongued ravenously, savored like they were the last lips on the planet, the last lips in the universe. I sit here, my manhood hard, all 8 inches of me hard and rigid as a rock wanting to throw this into the depth of your femininity, hard enough for you to know that you have been taken, deep enough to cause you some pain.

No, no, no! Pain bad! Pain not fun! No likey!

And while I touch the bottom of your pussy repeatedly, may I also leave it gapping wide open when I reluctantly withdraw this 5 inch girth from your center we are done several hours into the most wonderful fuck I have ever enjoyed. There is no substitue on this planet for a man or woman too long deprived of a good fuck to feel the need in their partner by the strong thrust into the pussy or or asshole of their lover. Absolutely no substitue for that feeling of pleasure that comes from that prolonged stroke into your hot, slippery oasis.

Squirming uncomfortably in your seat yet? I'm not talking good squirming. I'm talking "watching-TV-with-your-mother-when-a-sex-scene-comes-on" squirming.

What choreography there is in the rhythm of a man stroking into a pussy hot with need; the rhythm of a man stroking 8 long inches into the most wonderful wetness on the planet, allowing you to feel all my strength, all my power, each vein, each ripple and bulge of my cock, then holding that final stroke knowing there is more cock to throw into you, yet not enough you left to take it all, pushing the depths of you until it burns, until your tummy caves under the pressure, until you whimper at the feel of the delightful pain, shed a tear in contentment.

Throw? Pain bad, remember? "Hurts So Good" is just a song to me, not an instruction manual for sexual activity.

Not limited by time or skill, this continues for hours at a time--straight fucking, knocking the bottom out of your pussy that builds into a wonderful rush, that culminats in a series of volcanic cums, orgasms too wonderful to discribe. Orgasms that do not mearely wash across my cock, but orgasms that wet my bet, soak it, and me in your juices.

I asked my pussy about the bottom knocking thing and she says she'll pass.

I don't know about you, but I think this deserves a heartfelt "good goobilly goop".

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
7/12/2005 10:37 pm

Do you ever wonder if they get off while they are writing these things?

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


Priapeo 46M

7/13/2005 3:10 am

Typos are un-erotic.

Yet see your face beam with that terrific smile that knocks the earth slightly off its axis will probably become a cult pick-up sentence in the annals of internet trash.

Amazing thing Imagination.

Never argue with an idiot. He brings you down to his level then beats you with experience


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
7/13/2005 6:12 am

Do you ever get any letters that are written well?


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
7/13/2005 6:17 am

LMAO Ebony...you have to do a book on this stuff. These are gems.

[blog talldarkavg1]


DCEbony
1586 posts
7/13/2005 8:58 pm

Daphne -

I would hope at least one of us is getting off. It sure isn't me.

LOL


DCEbony
1586 posts
7/13/2005 9:00 pm

Priapeo -

If you're going to use that line you've quoted, I hope you're going to give the author proper credit.

Mail your check to "Penthouse Letters, Cheese Department".


DCEbony
1586 posts
7/13/2005 9:02 pm

Keith -

I do get some nice emails, but those ones tend to be pretty personal. I've never asked any of the writers if I can post them. Maybe I will someday... ((rubs chin thoughtfully))

The bad porno ones are meant to be shared. I think that's the law. Well, my law. LOL


DCEbony
1586 posts
7/13/2005 9:03 pm

Talldark -

If I put this stuff into a book, who would believe me? LOL


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
51F

7/18/2005 10:42 pm

"I'm talking "watching-TV-with-your-mother-when-a-sex-scene-comes-on" squirming."

"I asked my pussy about the bottom knocking thing and she says she'll pass."

LMAO

you go girl..

TTFN


DCEbony
1586 posts
7/19/2005 9:44 am

Honni -

I'm glad you got a good laugh out of the horror that came out of my email.

I laughed too once the revulsion wore off. LOL


DCEbony
1586 posts
7/19/2005 9:45 am

Frnds -

You have given me a whole new perspective about bad spelling. Eeyew! Thanks for putting that image in my head. LOL


DCEbony
1586 posts
7/19/2005 9:45 am

Frnds -

You have given me a whole new perspective about bad spelling. Yuck! Thanks for putting that image in my head. LOL


DCEbony
1586 posts
7/19/2005 9:46 am

Redlips -

I am sure there are more uncomfortable scenarios, but that one is definitely in the top ten. LOL


Become a member to create a blog