Winner of Today's "What Not to Say in an Email" Contest  

2208 posts
10/11/2005 7:11 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Winner of Today's "What Not to Say in an Email" Contest

Hello, Gentle Reader -

I hope this day is finding you well. If not, tomorrow is another day as Scarlett O'Hara famously said.

Not too long ago, Mr. DCE and I were watching Gone With the Wind and he claimed that a lot of the things Scarlett said and did reminded him of me.

Why, I was so flabbergasted by his statement that I hit him with my fan and flounced out of the room posthaste.

I wonder if Scarlett was an Aries woman...

Boy, that was an absolute ramble. It has nothing to do with today's winner. I'm a stream of conscious writer and if you can't already tell, I don't plan what I'm going to write before I sit down to do it.

Now on to the business at hand.

Sometimes I'll get an email (like the one you're about to read) and wonder if the guy really thinks he's said something that would make me want to respond.

If anyone reading this post has any ideas for appropriate responses, please share.

Anyway, I give you this:

hello dc
just want say why you cover your breast you have a nice set of breast and bottom.

(name deleted)

------ Profile Attached -------

I am a fun loving spantenous person I love to do thing outdoor, love long walk, nice romantic dinner and open to sexual adventure. It is nothing like a good oral sex in the park. No Game playing here

Any woman reading this should be forewarned: long walk inevitably leads to a good oral sex in the park.

There can't be any game playing if the other party doesn't want to play. No worries there, mate! You can always play Solitare. In the park. Do your thing outdoor, but don't let the police catch you. I can't imagine anything more embarrassing than being caught George Michaeling.

You know, some of the offers that I've gotten from other women are starting to look like a good idea. Maybe I need to seriously consider playing for the home team. I don't have any experience, but I'm a quick study. Plus I already pretty much know where everything is and how it should work.

Do you know what's funny? If I started expressing the desire to play with other women, I'd get a whole new set of emails--from the Lesbian Converters that I described in my Chatroom Characters post.

I should probably just leave things as they are.

Let's meet again soon, shall we?

jim5131 55M
1296 posts
10/11/2005 8:24 am

Is it my imagination, or does this guy come off as Asian or Arabic in the comment, but the profile appears professionally edited?

Maybe the game was tackle and touch football? Nude rugby? (Wham! another George Michael reference..)

I had to laugh about the 'home team' comment..I don't think I could go that route no matter how well I think I know myself...I just love women waaaaay too much...women, however, just appear sexier when they're adventurous like that.

In the last week I've gotten two emails from guys that thought I looked 'hot' and described their bisexual tendancies...hmmmm. I think if I googled my callsign, I'd probably find myself on more than AdultFriendFinder, thanks to the friendly folks at this website, trying to increase their readership.

I kindly dropped them a reply, thanking them for their good taste and reminding them that I am a flaming heterosexual. I have a number of gay friends and THEY know I'm cool about it...just don't try to recruit me.

Oh well....


10/11/2005 9:04 am


You ineveitably seem to attract AdultFriendFinder's 'cream of the crop'

I know that like most men I have said some senseless things to women who in one way or another captured my attention. But I am truly thankful for not being one of the great conversationalist that you highlight in your blog.


WiilingtoLick 54M

10/11/2005 10:49 am

Now that was classic. I am glad I keep it short and to the point. Leave something to talk about if we decided to meet.

digdug41 49M

10/11/2005 12:20 pm

rofl they sure pick the wrong one to mess with huh DC

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
10/11/2005 12:34 pm

If you considered becoming bisexual, I think you 'd get a lot of mail from men too... lol...

And, yes, Scarlett was definitely Aries.

keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
10/11/2005 2:09 pm

No game playing? Too bad. He would be easy to beat at Scrabble.

1586 posts
10/11/2005 3:58 pm

jim5131 -

Whether he is Arabic, Asian or African, he writes a truly cringeworthy email, doesn't he?

You are such a (hetero) guy. Two guys together = yuck but two girls together = sexy. LOL

If you're a guy and another guy hits on you, it's a compliment. None of my gay friends have ugly boyfriends.

Anyway, thanks for visiting me, you flaming heterosexual.

1586 posts
10/11/2005 3:59 pm

Just -

Even on your worst day, I'm sure you're better than today's winner on his best day.

First impressions mean a lot.

1586 posts
10/11/2005 4:01 pm

Willing -

Sort and to the point is one thing.

Short, confusing and unpunctuated is another. LOL

1586 posts
10/11/2005 4:03 pm

DigDug -

Every post that I've ever made to my blog is still there for the reading and I still get these emails! I don't get nearly as many, but the occasional ones sneak through.

I just wish that some of these dudes took a peek at what I've written before they send me email.

Maybe I should put a warning on my homepage: If you're rude, crude or nude, I WILL blog you.

1586 posts
10/11/2005 4:04 pm

Toothy -

If I decide to play for the hometeam, I will keep it on the QT for that very reason. LOL

1586 posts
10/11/2005 4:06 pm

Keith -

I could probably beat him in Scrabble under the influence of a double dose of NyQuil.

Man, think of how creative I'd be hopped up on cold medicine!

rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
10/11/2005 7:54 pm

Well, you do already have the home team uniform

Efilnikufecin69 47M

10/11/2005 10:23 pm

DC now that they have left straightten2002 alone, they are bugging you! Love your comments.

Send him this: Sorry. I don't speak retardese. Can you get someone to translate into meaningful English before you post, please? Try learning elementary grammar before attempting to inflict your next literary abomination on this message board.

You read like a gimpzoid teenager splashing spit onto the monitor. Don’t you ever have a point beyond giving your fingers some exercise by dancing them randomly over the keyboard? You wouldn't know Up from Down if you had three guesses. Have you ever noticed that whenever you sit behind a keyboard, some idiot starts typing? To quote Martin Luther King, Jr.: "Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

You light up a room when you leave it. No doubt your life is so dull, that you can actually write your diary one week in advance. Do yourself and everyone else a favor: take a fatal overdose of your medication. Maybe you wouldn't read like such a pathetic loser if you didn't have an intellect rivaled only by the Village Idiot's stupider brother; if your weren't so fat that when you stand on the weighing scale, it reads: "To be continued!", or if you didn't have a face that is registered as a biological weapon. No, come to think of it, you would.

Love ya D


1586 posts
10/12/2005 4:54 am

jayR -

I do indeed have the uniform--and more importantly, the proper footwear.

1586 posts
10/12/2005 4:58 am

Efiln -

These sorts of emails aren't unique to me or Straightten. Ask any woman on this site.

Anyway, I make jokes at the bad email author's expense. It's a little bit of harmless fun and then it's over.

If they need to be eviscerated, I'll tell them to read what you just wrote.

Hopefully, it will never get to that point.

Priapeo 46M

10/12/2005 8:14 am

quote DCE: Do your thing outdoor, but don't let the police catch you. I can't imagine anything more embarrassing than being caught George Michaeling.

I might be wrong, correct me if this is the case, but I think you are not using a verb in the proper way. As, I'm sure you know, the Merriam Webster since 2002 has included in its world-renowned dictionary "To georgemichael" (regular transitive verb) as a synonym for "To boygeorge" and "To freddiemercury", and not in the meaning of "To lewinsky" (irregular passive, To lewinsky-clintoned-clintoned). Shed some light on this in your usual spantenous way, please.

Never argue with an idiot. He brings you down to his level then beats you with experience

Efilnikufecin69 47M

10/12/2005 8:24 am

Oh D I know you two aren't alone, I hear it daily from my Network friends. Just trying to give you some ammo back. Sorry I am so harsh, but I hate stupid people and this guy is obviously one notch lower than whale shit.

dasher121 36M

10/12/2005 8:36 am


Hello dude,
just want say cover breast like set and bottom thank. DAME!!! I like spantenitty person. Take to you litter walk parker oral men

1586 posts
10/12/2005 9:46 am

Priapeo -

Damn! See what happens when you don't consult the dictionary before you sit down to write?

I'll try not to make that mistake again. LOL

1586 posts
10/12/2005 9:47 am

Efiln -

Thanks for the ammo.

I will stockpile it until it's needed.

1586 posts
10/12/2005 9:49 am

Dasher -

You seem a little too good at that.


five_speed 41M

10/12/2005 1:16 pm

Good to see you agian, DCE. Nice to know some things remain consistent in the universe. Morons still email you. you still make fun of them. There is comfort and security in the stability of this arrangment.

1586 posts
10/12/2005 2:07 pm

Fivey -

After the nuclear holocaust, Cher, Keith Richards and badly written emails will still be with us.

Thanks for visiting.

I know how, er, busy you are at the moment.

1586 posts
10/12/2005 2:09 pm

Riv -

Both I and my (apparent) uniboob thank you for your visit.

bella_ 47F
4030 posts
10/12/2005 6:05 pm

You do receive some lovely emails....

1586 posts
10/14/2005 3:19 pm

Bella -

"Lovely" is an interesting choice of words. LMAO

1586 posts
10/14/2005 3:20 pm

Bella -

If by "lovely" you mean "horrific", I tend to agree. LOL

1586 posts
10/14/2005 3:23 pm

Humboldthonni -

I don't know if women spell any better. If you take a look around this site, you'll see plenty of women butchering the English language (amongst others, I'm sure).

I do think a woman thinks more before she sends emails.

When I look at some of the emails I get, I know that the guy really didn't think about it before he sent it. LOL

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