Winner of Today's "What Not To Say in an Email" Contest  

2208 posts
10/5/2005 5:38 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Winner of Today's "What Not To Say in an Email" Contest


My second three-post day.

Since my profile disappeared and came back from parts unknown, the email filtering thingamajiggy does not appear to be working.

I got another email from a black guy wanting to know if I liked black guys! Maybe I should say that I only like black guys that don't ask me answers to questions that can be found on my profile. Hell, let's make that any color guy!

I also keep getting dubious emails from so-called couples. The woman is always mysteriously absent. Hmmm...

Yikes. I really am living up to the title of this blog and rambling on.

Without further ado, here is today's winning entry:

U have got to have the sexiest bady (ass & smile) I've seen on this site yet and (DAME baby Dame)and for everything you wrote Yes baby Yes. What every U want it's done, When every U want it ~ it's done, baby how U want it ~ it's done. I'm more a man on action not typing. Every dream and fantasy U can cum up with it's yours. We can put together thing that will put a smile on your beautiful face all day & night long. I think I'm in love with that ass already. Can I get va face shot or are you too shy.

Oh dear.

Where to start?

You know, I could comment on this email on a line by line basis but once I get going, I won't be able to stop. In case you're wondering, I don't mean that in a remotely sexual way.

If you're glancing at this email really quickly, it's like Mars Blackmon channeled Prince just long enough to type up this message, what with the "Yes baby Yes" and the letter U all over the place.

(If you've never seen Spike Lee's first movie She's Gotta Have It, the Mars reference won't mean a thing, so you're going to have to trust me.)

Well, I'm going to run to catch the end of the hockey game.

C-A-P-S! CapsCapsCaps!

Peace out.

Efilnikufecin69 47M

10/5/2005 9:24 pm

Well D, I hope you sent him one of the returns I posted!

Too funny! I am DFN8LY no scholar, but jeeez.

jim5131 55M
1296 posts
10/5/2005 9:47 pm

Hey DC....I guess us guys just miss out on all those fun emails...
They sure come from the other end of the spectrum. He's trolling...and using that obvious charm as ladybait.

I wonder if he's just a quantity guy, playing the numbers. There's GOTTA be a woman that is simply turned ON by the 'U's and (I'm sure intentional) poor grammar. Oh well....I like the ones I talk to...they call back and we have great conversations.

...don't let them get wierd on IS an adult site, after all.

lifeisablast333 53M

10/5/2005 10:15 pm

some guys are just nutz

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
10/5/2005 10:38 pm

How the hell did he see your ass? All I see is a smile and some cleavage. I need a translator for this one ...

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
10/5/2005 10:57 pm

DCE - can I take this one?

Jim, you said there's gotta be a woman out there that is simpy turned on by the u's and the poor grammar
Well, while it's commendable to be an optimist, the answer is: No, there isn't. Not one. Not anywhere. Never has been, never will be. It's the bloggers and commenters such as yourself that keeps us from slitting our wrists. Or the wrists of the U boy.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

Heartnsoul768 52M
360 posts
10/6/2005 8:34 am

DCE .... I'm an Avalanche fan, but at least it's back

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
10/6/2005 4:28 pm

OOh OOOH I got one that said: I love green eyes and big tits, we match?

What should I say to him?

1586 posts
10/6/2005 4:38 pm

Efiln -

This guy was just misguided, not rude.

I'm saving one of your responses for when I get a really deserving email. LOL

1586 posts
10/6/2005 4:41 pm

Jim -

If you're looking for me on this site, I sit in the Bemused Observer section.

Thanks for visiting my blog.

Naturally, I'll be visiting yours...

1586 posts
10/6/2005 4:43 pm

Lifey -

Judging from some of the wives and girlfriends my friends have brought to meet me over the years, there are enough female kooks out there to balance the scales. LOL

1586 posts
10/6/2005 4:45 pm

Daphne -

There really is a butt shot on my profile.

I had on a really cute pair of undies that day and felt the need to share the view with the world.

My ass is okay, but it's certainly not anyone I'd picture someone falling in love with. LOL

1586 posts
10/6/2005 4:47 pm

1hotwahine -

You are more than welcome to take over any time the mood strikes you, darling.

As for everything you said, I concur.

Bad grammar and spelling is a dealbreaker - unless the guy is dyslexic.

1586 posts
10/6/2005 4:49 pm

Humboldthonni -

You are a true lady.

That is so nice of you to try to come up with plausible excuses for that email. LOL

1586 posts
10/6/2005 4:51 pm

Heartnsoul -

I'm a fan of a few teams depending on who happens to be playing.

In addition to the Capitols, I like the Sabres and the Leafs.

I'm glad it's back because I can get back to Fantasy Hockey.

1586 posts
10/6/2005 4:52 pm

Heartnsoul -

I'm a fan of a few teams depending on who happens to be playing.

In addition to the Capitols, I like the Sabres and the Leafs.

I'm glad it's back so that I can have fun with my fantasy hockey team again.

1586 posts
10/6/2005 4:53 pm

Saintlianna -

My response would be, "You like green eyes and big tits? What a coincidence! So do I!" LOL

keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
10/6/2005 6:15 pm

Well he might be right about one thing... "I'm more a man on action not typing." I take it you will not attempt to discover whether the action reference is true or not.

Hey! At least he was kind enought to promise you the whole f**ing WORLD!

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
10/6/2005 6:19 pm

LMAO another gem DCE. Hockey? They still have that on TV?

[blog talldarkavg1]

rm_miketrthug 30M
2 posts
10/6/2005 6:43 pm

Hey DCEbony lets be honest the person was trying to holla at you and didn't meet up to your standards and alot of other peoples as we know but he isn't the only one that would type something like that some guys cant see a nice looking lady and control what the say or in this case type I found that a lot of guy when talking to women tend to stop thinking about talking to a human and start talking to there body parts as a guy i can honestly say this is not the way i would like to be portraid but cause of guys that have no self respect or respect for others some women think of all men as dogs now in my case the only dog i am is a devol dog cause i joined the marine corps and thats what we call marines but I would like to beleive there are men with more respect.

1586 posts
10/7/2005 3:29 am

Keith -

Although the offer of the world is appreciated, I just haven't got the closet space for it.

1586 posts
10/7/2005 3:30 am


Yes, indeed. Hockey is alive and well and on television.

I've got satellite service and access to every freakin' game there is going.

I'm looking forward to seeing some good hockey fights this season. LOL

1586 posts
10/7/2005 3:35 am

Mike -

Oh, I'm well aware of the fact that this guy isn't the only person who'd send an email like that.

If he'd taken a few minutes to read my profile (not to mention this blog), he'd have known better. I would go out on a limb and say that the majority of women don't like that sort of approach.

I'm pretty sure this guy isn't a Marine. LOL

1586 posts
10/7/2005 3:08 pm

TomEboy -

You see what I'm saying about that, right? LOL

dasher121 36M

10/8/2005 11:34 am

Hahahaha I liked his use of the word "Dame", know what he was trying to spell but I had a small seizure from reading that and tripped into 1920's land.

At least a minimal effort was..........oh, no, never mind. There was no effort. lol

(Juan S)
2642 posts
10/8/2005 12:16 pm

I honestly started out wanting to feel sorry for the guy...after all he's just some guy pouring out his libido...oops, I mean heart, but... It didn't work as i got to the end of the e-mail.
Oh well, DCE...laughing, shaking my head and slinking back over to Chateau Siz...
To quote Biggie... "Heres's another one"...LOL

1586 posts
10/8/2005 3:35 pm

Dasher -

It's interesting that you should mention the 20s because I thought the same thing myself--y'know, fedoras, gin joints and rapid fire patter. LOL

Thanks for visiting, btw.

1586 posts
10/8/2005 3:38 pm

Sizz -

I know that an email like the one I received would never, ever come out of Chateau Siz.

You should look him up and show him how it's done.

I notice all sorts of ladies milling around your little corner of cyberspace, myself included.

BenefitsFriend69 57M/60F

10/9/2005 9:29 pm

DE you're killing me.. My face hurts.. Thanks for cracking me up twice in one night. You missed you calling, you really should be in comedy show biz!


1586 posts
10/10/2005 7:48 pm

BF -

Thanks for your kind remarks, I am way too, uh, shapely for show business.

I'm far too vain to allow the camera to pad me with another ten pounds I don't need.

Next thing you know, I'd be on the cover of Star Magazine with Kelly Osbourne, Janet Jackson and every other chubby cheeked girl deemed "Too Big For Hollywood!" in big yellow letters.

Besides which, the sassy black comedy chick has been done to death! LOL

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