Winner of Today" "What Not to Say in an Email" Contest  

DCEbony
2208 posts
9/17/2005 6:27 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Winner of Today" "What Not to Say in an Email" Contest


Greetings and salutations -

I'm beginning to doubt the value of filling out a profile if guys aren't going to read it before they email me. I can dream, can't I? You'd think the red Xs in the Mutual Match column might make a difference, but noooo. Then some of the guys wonder why they don't hear anything back. LOL

Other than the color of our skin, today's winner and I have got nothing in common. I'm talking zero, zip, nada from age on down (I'm twelve years older than him).

His profile says he's part of a couple, but all of the information that's been filled out on "their" webpage is on him! Whenever I see a couple's profile, the focus seems to be on the woman because I'm guessing that she's the "draw" (for lack of a better term).

Incidentally, all of the pictures posted to the site are of him, too. LOL

Hmmm...

Oh, silly me! He is clearly dating the Invisible Woman. My bad. ((smacks forehead))

Here we go.

WHATS GOING ON?HIE LOVE,HOW IS YOUR DAY GOING?
LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE BIT ABOUT MY SELF,I'M SINGLE DECENT BLACK GUY,I RELOCATED FROM LONDON IN NOVEMBER 2002,I'M ATHLETIC AND MASCULAR BUILT,160LBS,I'M VERY OUTGOING,DOWN TO EARTH AND VERY VERY GENEROUSE.I HAVE MY BUSINESS IN WASHINGTON DC
BUT I LIVE IN MARYLAND.I'M VERY INTERESTED IN YOU AND WONNA MEET,PLEASE REPLY TO ME ON HERE OR TO MY YAHOO AT (EMAIL DELETED) AND LETS TAKE IT FROM THERE.TALK TO YOU SOON

(NAME DELETED)

------ Profile Attached -------

WE ARE A BLACK MALE AND FEMALE FRIENDS IN MARYLAND LOOKING FOR SOME PICE UP IN OUR SEX LIFE.THE MAN IS 5'7,ATHLETIC BUILT,160LBS,THICK AND BIG DICK AND HAVE THE LONG AND SWEET TONGUE FOR THE RIGHT WOMANTHE FEMALE IS 5'1,NICE BOADY NICE PHAT ASS AND TITIES TO GO WITH ,SHE IS VERY CURIOUS AND WE WANT SOME FEMALE FRIENDS AND SELECT COUPLES.WE WONT CONSIDER ANY SINGLE MALES SO DONT BOTHER.NO MALES!!!!!!!!NO MALES!!!!!!!!!NO MALES!!!!!


HUH?

WHAT?

SAY THAT AGAIN?

I KNOW HE'S LOUD! MY CYBER EARS ARE RINGING!

SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE EMAIL?

Oh, I'm sorry. He's gone now so I can stop shouting over him to be heard.

Remember the old saying that you learn something new every day? Well, thanks to this guy, we now have several new words to add to our respective vocabularies:

hie - Yeah, I know it's a real word but it's being improperly used in this case. Actually, I'm wrong. If he's been doing Shakespeare in the Park someplace this summer, I can see why he'd slip and use a few "hies" from time to time. He might even drop the occasional "hark" or "hither".

mascular - What you get when you add "masculine" and "muscular" together. If we all started combining words, we'd probably save a lot of time.

generouse - For you language buffs, I think this might be the feminine version of "generous" but don't quote me on that.

wonna - Often seen with other words such as hafta and shoulda.

pice - I'm not sure what that means, but Eddie Murphy may have uttered the word during one of his Buckwheat sketches on SNL back in the 80s. Before anyone gets offended by the Buckwheat reference, please relax. If the guy used an Alfalfa-ism, I'd have said something about that, too.

womanthe - A liqueur marketed specifically toward the female population. Nice addition to mixed drinks.

boady - I don't know what a boady is offhand, but the girlfriend has a nice one. I'm assuming it's an expensive handbag. If someone like Oprah or Angelina Jolie is seen carrying one, sales will go through the roof. When the cheap, knock-off versions of the Boady show up at Walmart, consider the trend officially over.

tities - Slang for men's briefs (specifically white).

Don't say I never taught you anything.

Well, I should get going. I need to forward this guy's message to some males.

rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
9/18/2005 6:40 am

A generous louse?
I once had a dog named Boady. The name was a condensed version of
Bo and Diddley.


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
9/18/2005 10:48 pm

You think they might consider a male to pice up their love life?

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


Heartnsoul768 53M
360 posts
9/19/2005 7:38 am

DCE ..
I'll have to take your word for the definitions given. I grew up down wind from a pig farm in Northern Frederick County so I might be able to help if you run into farmer/country boy dialect.


DCEbony
1586 posts
9/19/2005 2:44 pm

jayR -

I thought that louses tended to be generous after they'd been caught doing something they shouldn't be doing.

Maybe this guy just cuts to the chase and gives up the goodies the minute he starts behaving badly. LOL


DCEbony
1586 posts
9/19/2005 2:46 pm

Daphne -

NO MALES!!!!!!!!NO MALES!!!!!!!!!NO MALES!!!!!

Methinks he doth protest too much. Hmmm.


DCEbony
1586 posts
9/19/2005 2:47 pm

Daphne -

NO MALES!!!!!!!!NO MALES!!!!!!!!!NO MALES!!!!!

(Personally, methinks he doth protest too much. Hmmm.)


DCEbony
1586 posts
9/19/2005 2:53 pm

Heartnsoul -

I will officially make you my farmer/country boy translator should I run into a phrase I'm not familiar with.

When I was new to the area and trying to get used to a few words I'd never heard before, a very kind gentleman filled me in as to what pissants, polecats and cooters were. Good thing, otherwise I may have embarrassed myself beyond redemption.

And I thought a cooter was just a character's name on the Dukes of Hazzard. How wrong I was...

As for what this dude is talking about, I'm not sure you can help me there. LOL


digdug41 49M

9/19/2005 8:12 pm

WOW DC thats some shit right there what the hell this dude gives us fairly intelligent people a bad name but he was most definitely funny as all hell you poor girl ,if I had to deal with stuff like that everytime I opened mail here I think I might learn how to send viruses so they couldnt contact another soul,but its what I"Ll call good blogedy

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


CaboWaboVHnut 56M
637 posts
9/20/2005 10:26 pm

DCEbony, Don't forget, I'm a Southern Boy, born and raised !!! I'll be glad to translate anything you have a problem with !!!

I can handle most anything Jeff Foxworthy says, and most Southern terms as well, however, some things are un-translateable, no matter where the writer is from !!! Peace !!! Cabo-D-Translate-O !!!


rm_six4andmore 56M

10/12/2005 3:38 pm

Hey DC, I don't want to slow your roll. As a matter of fact, keep 'em coming. I'm craking up!

I wonder though, how about showing us an email that you liked. Sort of like on-the-job training for those of us who are literarily disadvantaged.


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