The Return of the "WTF? Award"  

DCEbony
2208 posts
10/13/2005 5:23 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The Return of the "WTF? Award"


Greetings and saluations!

It's been awhile since I last gave out one of these.

((blows dust from award made up of melted plastic Army men, a tiny bar of hotel soap, putty, a thong, two coffee beans and a can of motor oil mounted on a six year old pizza.))

I know what you're thinking: DCE, what do any of those items have in common?

Exactly.

Anyway...

Technically any of the "What Not" emails could also be WTFs (as in, what the fuck was he thinking?) but the "What Not(s)" are usually weird and/or gross and/or rude. From the first awful word to the last, it's perfectly clear that they are just begging to be "What Not" award winners. (Well, not really, but you know what I mean.)

WTF emails defy any sort of categorization. I open them and read them. Then I read them again. Then I read them again with my head cocked at an angle. Then I read them again, this time with my eyes half-closed because I'm thinking really, really hard. (And that friggin' hurts at the end of a long day.)

Then I get out of my chair, step back and read it from a distance. Then I read it out loud a couple times, placing the emphasis on different words. Then I study the email for a couple more seconds and realize that after all that effort, I don't understand WTF I'm meant to be reading.

Case in point, the following email (which was accompanied by my favorite--a dick pic):

Hi Sweet !!! my name is (name deleted) i have 30 years old,,I read your structure and x me is very interesting...And case my sweet u have free time x dialogue sometime write me ...Plzzz I wait x u respond...
your friend (name deleted)..


((walks around peering behind furniture and potted plants looking for hidden cameras))

Okay, Ashton! You got me, you goofy, trucker-hat trend starting, trendy religion bandwagon jumping, MILF-marrying piece of eye candy!

Silly boy!

You really had me going because I know this email cannot be for real.

Ashton?

Hello?


dasher121 36M

10/14/2005 9:53 am

WOW is all I can say. Def a WTF!!!! I dont even have a stupid smart ass comment for this. I think I just had a seizure reading that.......


rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
10/14/2005 11:14 am

I just want to know what the coffee beans are for.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
10/14/2005 12:37 pm

I usually give your suitors the benefit of the doubt by guessing that English is not their first language.
This time I think I have to go with the "Earth is not his home planet" line of reasoning.


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
10/14/2005 5:35 pm

LMAO! How you consistantly attract these bozos I will never understand.


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
10/14/2005 10:01 pm

Dc, I am so confused? Why did you melt the army men?


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
10/15/2005 12:15 am

He read your structure. He's an engineer, stay away from him!

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


DCEbony
1586 posts
10/15/2005 5:46 am

Dasher -

That email is just so astounding that it really is hard to offer any sort of commentary.

(Sorry about the seizure.) LOL


DCEbony
1586 posts
10/15/2005 5:50 am

1hotwahine -

The coffee beans are representative of, uh...

Well, coffee beans are somehow connected to, um...

Actually, there is no logical explanation for any of the items.

I think it's a appropriate that the award reflect the prizewinning emails


DCEbony
1586 posts
10/15/2005 5:53 am

jayR -

ESL is one thing. (I get other emails that I don't post on the blog.)

ESL with no logical sentence structure? Totally bloggable. LOL


DCEbony
1586 posts
10/15/2005 5:54 am

Keith -

Why do I attract these guys?

Because I'm a lucky, lucky girl?


DCEbony
1586 posts
10/15/2005 6:07 am

Saintlianna -

I left the awards in the shed out back and the heat did it.

I would never willfully destroy Army men.

I like Army guys, even if they're little plastic ones.


DCEbony
1586 posts
10/15/2005 6:09 am

Daphne -

An engineer, huh?

I think you're right!

I know a couple of engineers, so I'm going to take your advice. LOL


DakR1972 44M  

10/15/2005 2:23 pm

Heh heh, almost sounds like the customers who write emails to me for technical support. No sense of what a capital letter is, absolutely no punctuation, and grammar? Forget it! it does not exist in their world. I have gotten some emails that had to have triggered a spontaneous migraine headache.

Oh, update about the psycho on my blog. Thought you'd want to know.


touch_enhanced 59M

10/15/2005 3:40 pm

OUCH, on the engineer front! Some of us have sense for romance and passion, ya know. . .

(But I do understand--if there weren't such a thing as stereotypes, it wouldn't be a word in our vocabularly, now would it?)


tillerbabe 55F

10/15/2005 4:23 pm

You have pizza? I NEED pizza right now.......

..whilst I LMAO! Does it say: "I Like moonshine drinkin' inbreds" somewhere in your profile????


DCEbony
1586 posts
10/15/2005 6:58 pm

DakR -

You shouldn't be obligated to have to deal with those emails.

They're probably from people that think the CD drive is a cupholder.

As for your update, I'll be right there.


DCEbony
1586 posts
10/15/2005 7:00 pm

Touch -

There are engineers for everything, so why not a romance and passion one?

I like it.

(P.S.: Thanks for visiting! )


DCEbony
1586 posts
10/15/2005 7:01 pm

Tillerbabe -

I'm going to have to check my profile a little more clearly.

Maybe it's saying things between the lines that I'm not aware of.

The emails certainly make it seem that way. LOL


rm_MarkNGeorgia 64M
91 posts
10/15/2005 8:06 pm

Remember, an engineer probably designed "The Rabbit"!


DCEbony
1586 posts
10/16/2005 6:49 am

MarkNGeorgia -

See? A good example of a Romance and Passion Engineer.


TopFisher 63M

10/18/2005 1:17 pm

Well at least you got the dick pic eh?


DCEbony
1586 posts
10/18/2005 5:58 pm

TopFisher -

Gee, thanks.

I'll put his in the special file I have for penis pictures.

((sound of shredder being turned on))


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