The Epic  

2208 posts
8/22/2005 10:45 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The Epic

Last night I opened one of the longest emails I've ever received.
It is as interesting as it is long. It is also as (unintentionally) funny as it is long.

Actually, it is way too lenghthy for me to reproduce in its entirely, so I'll have to do it in segments.

It is like nothing I've ever read before and I'm sure you'll agree.

Without further ado, Part One of "The Epic":

I would be honored if you gave me a try. Write me at (email deleted) OR call me (phone number deleted) (this is my home number...if you can only call during the day, my number at work is (phone number deleted),,,its a direct number). I do not mean to make you pay for the call but until you feel that you can trust me with your number, it's all I have to offer. I DO have caller ID at home so if you call me there, dial *67 first and your number won't show will get a recording asking for your name and if I am here when you call, I will of course allow the call through, if I am not here, it will go to voice mail...please leave a detailed message so I know that you called. I live alone so feel free to say ANYTHING <smile, wink>.

Most women are shy about their bodies. Even when I've got the world's most gorgeous woman in bed with me, you're still going to worry about how I like your body. I will always get enjoyment out of telling you just how beautiful you are, telling you which parts I like best...these truths usually help me build the trust I need to get me down between your legs. Now I will stop and look at what I see. Beautiful, isn't it? There is nothing that makes a you more unique than your pussy. I know. I've seen plenty of them. They come in all different sizes, colors and shapes; some are tucked inside like a little girl's and some have thick luscious lips that come out to greet you. Some are nested in brushes of fur and others are covered with transparent fuzz. I will appreciate your pussy's unique qualities and share with you what makes you special...and hopefully, you will stay mine for as long as I want you.

It's a good thing he already knows that I have a pretty kitty. She really is just delighful. That means that there is no need for him to actually, you know, look at it.

With all of his pussy-related knowledge, I'm guessing he's a gynecologist or more likely an avid porn watcher. (As the epic continues, you'll see what I mean.)

You have no idea how tempting it is to call those numbers and say "anything". Anything, huh? Oh, the possibilities! LOL

More on this email tomorrow. I want you all to stay mine for as long as I want you.

Have a blessed day...

five_speed 41M

8/22/2005 11:47 am

Please forgive me if I obstain from commenting in detail for the moment. I have a feeling this is going to get better.

rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
8/22/2005 11:57 am

These guys that hand out their numbers on first contact amaze me. I swear we should start sharing and we can ALL call them.

Laugh, brushes of fur makes me think this guy is intimate with Sasquatch.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
8/22/2005 1:06 pm

Nothing nakes a man feel more welcome and at ease in a new environment than a pair of thick luscious lips coming out to say "Hi Neighbor!"

LustGoddess2469 50F  
2453 posts
8/22/2005 2:59 pm

I'm envious. How come I never get emails like this one? Hmmmm? All I get are, "hey your gorgeous lets do it" or "i luv bbw call me". LOL


1586 posts
8/22/2005 3:33 pm

Five Speed -

Define what you mean by "better". LOL

1586 posts
8/22/2005 3:36 pm

Daphne -

I've never quite thought of pubes as being "fur" before.

The phone number thing totally blows me away. He attached his picture (with certificates on the wall behind him) so what if I was someone that wanted to use the information for evil purposes?

Good thing I'm a nice woman. Kinda.

1586 posts
8/22/2005 3:37 pm

jayR -

I know a lot of us have very talented privates, but I haven't met any that have offered me a hearty greeting just yet.

A girl can dream, can't she? LOL

1586 posts
8/22/2005 3:39 pm

So Lusty -

You're saying I should have all of my blogworthy emails sent to you instead?

Aw,'re too sweet!

I'll get on that right away. LOL

007sexy40plus 51F  
7603 posts
8/22/2005 5:02 pm

It would be funny if we started sharing numbers and discover that some of the numbers are familiar. LOL (LAUGHING MY WITCHY LAUGH) This could be fun. and a few men could get busted...

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"

rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
8/22/2005 5:48 pm

I'm not through with this one yet.
Do the scientists who sequenced the human genome realize they wasted all that time and money studying DNA?

Who should know better than a man seated in front of an "ego wall" full of certificates that nothing make you more unique than your pussy

1586 posts
8/22/2005 6:25 pm

Straightten -

I have actually Googled work phone numbers and the addresses pull up very nicely.

Why do people do that sort of thing to themselves?

Don't they know that complete strangers will Google them to be nosy? ((also laughs witchy laugh))

Good thing I'm not a full time kook. For about four days out of each month I am, but I digress...

1586 posts
8/22/2005 6:26 pm

jayR -

The "I Love Me" wall in the picture told me everything I needed to know about this guy.

Hang around. The email gets, worse. Whatever. You know what I mean. LOL

Heartnsoul768 52M
360 posts
8/23/2005 6:37 am

....and hopefully, you will stay mine for as long as I want you.

What happens after he doesn't want you anymore? It's to the point where a male is ashamed to be grouped in with these goofballs.

five_speed 41M

8/23/2005 8:27 am

By "better" I mean more absurd. If you're posting more of this epic, I want to wait for the really good part before I come unhinged.

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
8/23/2005 7:40 pm

DC, you really should look into becoming a full-time writer. You are great! " tucked inside like a little girl's" Thats freaky.I hope he dosn't have first hand experience with that one.

1586 posts
8/24/2005 4:20 pm

Heartnsoul -

I think most women know the difference between a man and a goofball. Note that I said "most" because I've dated my share of goofballs myself.

Or maybe I was the goofball. I never thought of that angle before. LOL

1586 posts
8/24/2005 4:21 pm

Five Speed -

Feel free to chime in at any time.

You're going to get more unhinged as the saga goes on. Unhinged or grossed out. Probably both. LOL

1586 posts
8/24/2005 4:23 pm

Saintlianna -

Thanks for the compliment. That's very sweet of you to say. I'm not sure if I'd have a market for my ramblings other than someplace like this...for free. LOL

That "little girl" remark eeked me out, too. ((shudder)) Maybe I should hold on to all of those means of contacting him in case I have to call Crimestoppers.

Become a member to create a blog