Ouch!  

DCEbony
2208 posts
8/18/2005 7:33 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Ouch!


My cyber ears are ringing!

I opened up this email and got blown back in my seat.

I think I got a minor case of whiplash, but it's nothing a neck massage and a hot shower can't cure.

Please read this in its entirety to get the full effect. Then imagine what it would look like if the letter "I" was eliminated.

Oh yeah. Because of what happened the last time I posted an email and added commentary, please note that nothing I say is meant to be taken seriously. I am joking. I repeat, I am joking. If you do not like my sense of humor, leave this staging area immediately.

Now that I got my disclaimer out of the way, read on...

I AM IN VERY GOOD SHAPE.I AM A FORMER, HIGH SCHOOL TENNIS& BASKETBALL CHAMPION. I LOVE SPORTS. I LOVE ALL PHSYICAL ACTIVITIES. I AM 6 FT. TALL WEIGHING 210 LBS. I HAVE BROWN EYES A THICK MUSTACHE AND I SHORT HAIR CUT. I AM VERY PASSIONATE& I LOVE TO GIVE MASSAGES. I AM GENTLE, BUT FIRM. I I LIKE TO CUDDLE, BUT I LIKE TO LET YOU FEEL MY HEAT AND POWER. I LOVE TO CARESS,SOFTLY KISS & LICK ON A TENDER WARM BODY. I HAVE THE STAMINA OF A WARRIOR & I CAN DANCE ALL NIGHT, OR SWIM THAT ENTIRE OCEAN OR CLIMB ANY MOUNTAIN OR GO DEEP,DEEP REAL DEEP TO THE DEEPEST SEA. BY THE TIME, WE COME UP FOR AIR THE ONLY THING LEFT FOR YOU TO DO IS MELT INTO THE SHEETS AND WAIT FOR ME CONQUER YOUR BEAUTIFUL BODY ALL OVER AGAIN. IT TAKES A THIEF,TO CATCH A THIEF AND IT TAKES A WARRIOR LOVER OR A THONG HUNGER PIRATE TO CAPTURE THE CHERRIES OF ANY SWEET MAIDEN LACED IN GOLD JUICES FROM HER BOX OF EXCTASY. I AM ONE OF THOSE WARRIOR LOVERS AND THONG HUNGER PIRATES ALL ROLLED INTO ONE. I'M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO TRAVEL TO THE CENTER OF IT ALL AND LET'S SEE WHAT WE FIND AND HOW FAR WE CAN GO. BY THE WAY, HOW LONG & HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU THINK IT WOULD TAKE TO SATISFY YOU. LET'S FIND OUT SOON. REAL SOON!

Wow.

I'm not sure why this guy sent me an email because he lives 200 miles away, but okay...

I just have a few questions:

1. How does one measure a warrior's stamina? I would think that as a warrior, he'd be too busy conquering, pillaging and shootin' at the walls of heartache to be thinking about this sort of stuff. I can't imagine that he'd have much left in the tank to do much good when he gets back to the concubine tent.

2. Which entire ocean? There are many. Again, I am concerned about the reserves in the tank. What with the mountain climbing and the conquering, he could potentially run himself into the ground. Then he'd get sick and his mother would worry. I'm just trying to think ahead for the poor woman's sake.

3. What's up with the thievery? If I decide to join this two-person theivery ring, what are we exactly are we stealing? I hope it's a truckload of handbags and shoes.

4. What is a "thong hunger pirate"? It actually sounds like a possible title for the next Red Hot Chili Peppers album. Flea? Is that you, you naughty boy?


In answer to his question as to how long it would take for him to satisfy me, I'm not sure. I'm kind of busy right now with a physical problem I'm having.

It is SO difficult to make my sweet maiden cherries stay in my "box of exctasy". Between the cherries and the gold juices, I just keep making a big ol' mess and I have start over repeatedly.

As soon as I'm done tending to my box, I'll let you know.


rockwriter58 56M
1389 posts
8/19/2005 3:38 am

The Chili Peps are going to be very angry that someone has leaked their title. Maybe this is the thievery this guy was talking about.

♪rockwriter58♪


Heartnsoul768 53M
360 posts
8/19/2005 6:17 am

Thong hunger pirate ????? It all started at age 11, when I was dressed as a pirate for Halloween. That night .... The single woman who lived down the street was out of candy, and the only item she had was a package of unopened edible undies .... Thong hunger lives !!!!


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
8/19/2005 6:56 am

Wait! You all missed something.

BUT I LIKE TO LET YOU FEEL MY HEAT AND POWER

This guy could be usefull in the winter. Stand him in the basement and attach the appropriate ductwork and wa-la! Your house is now heated because we all know he's blowing enough hot air to do just that.

As for measuring a warrior's stamina, you'll have to ask LoyaltyandHonor.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


Priapeo 46M

8/19/2005 6:59 am

Hmmm, thong hunger, thong hunger.... someone who eats thongs... a fetishist moth?

Never argue with an idiot. He brings you down to his level then beats you with experience


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/19/2005 2:55 pm

Valleyrat -

A few months back a smartass fellow blogger did exactly as you suggested. He sent me a letter with everything I said I didn't like, the smartass. LOL

I wasn't sure anyone would pick up on the Scandal reference, so you get bonus points.

Bang, bang.


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/19/2005 2:58 pm

Rockwriter -

We oughta turn this guy in!

Maybe the band would be so grateful that they'd issue us all-access passes for their "ThongHungerPirate" tour.

You write the on-the-road-with-the-band-articles and I'll supervise the backstage catering. I wouldn't want the band to get sick...


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/19/2005 3:01 pm

Heartnsoul -

I don't want to lead impressionable lads astray, so I'll make sure I have plenty of candy on hand come Hallowe'en.

I wonder how many poor thong hunger pirates are walking this earth, barely existing until they can again pillage a fair maiden's lingerie drawer...


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/19/2005 3:02 pm

Humboldhonni -

I don't think you could write that badly if you tried.

Now do you see why I have to share some of these emails? They are just too wild to be believed. LOL


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/19/2005 3:03 pm

Daphne -

You know, I think you're on to something.

In the winter he can heat people's homes and in the summer he can provide the fuel for hot air balloons.

That's why I like you, girl. You're always thinking! LOL


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/19/2005 3:05 pm

Priapeo -

If he was an insect, I think he'd be a wasp or a bee.

They seem to be attracted to sweet things like cherries. LOL


007sexy40plus 51F  
7603 posts
8/19/2005 3:54 pm

All I can say is WOW. If you come up missing DC I would be willing to bet you got eaten by some of these hungry men. Hang in there DC, hang on as tight as you can because we dont want this guy taking you down to the deep, deep, real deep, to the deepest sea, without a trace. LOL

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/19/2005 4:07 pm

Straightten -

Not just "deep", but "real deep"...kinda like the b.s. that is being spread around the AdultFriendFinder website.

Hand me a shovel. LOL


rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
8/19/2005 7:34 pm

Ahoy Matey! It is I, the Thong Hunger Pirate! Arrrggggh!

That would make a good Halloween costume for the kiddies


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/20/2005 7:11 am

jayRrrrrrrgh -

Thong Hunger Pirates are distinguished by their multicolored eyepatches.

These are made from the thongs of unsuspecting maidens.


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/21/2005 8:09 am

Humboldhonni -

Maybe you need to contact that guy and tell him you have a new catchphrase for him...LOL


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