My Head Hurts...  

DCEbony
2208 posts
8/13/2005 9:22 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

My Head Hurts...


...and I think this email may have contributed to the pain.

So are you seeking: unencumbered, uninhibited, wild, extreme, unusual, enfettered, limitless, non-stopping and unbelievably sexual playmate, if so then read on.

No, but I have a sudden urge to locate my thesaurus. Where is that damn thing?

I am an athletic 30 year old white male from(city deleted). I stand a rugged 6’2 ½ with blues eyes that make you spell bound.

Blues eyes? Now that is something else. Musically talented eyeballs! Sah-weet. Do they also do a little jazz? Reggae? Merengue?

Y'know,I have discovered that precise measurements are all-important on this website, right down to fractions and decimal places.


I am very easy to get along with and very open-minded. I am willing to try almost anything once. I am very adventuress and love to explore the unknown with exciting people, I willing to listen to any suggestion you have. I have many styles and appearances when it comes to sex.

"Adventuress". Heh.

Styles is an interesting choice of word, but okay. I can dig it.

Appearances? What kind of appearances? Just make sure you stay out of my playtime wardrobe, mister. I don't want my stockings all stretched out. The stripper/nurse/cheerleader/naughty schoolgirl look just doesn't work on guys that stand 6'2". And a half. Can't forget the half.


I love all kinds of activities from a to z. I enjoy a very healthy sexual appetite and like to play for hours, do you? Foreplay is the best when someone that knows how to kiss, touches, and rub all the right places, don’t you think so?

Gah! Stop! Stop questioning me! Why don't you just leave me alone?

((stomps up to bedroom and slams door))

((door cracks open))

Shouldn't it be "touch" and "rubs"? You're welcome!

((retreats to room slamming door again))


I very oral and like to give and receive. I am d/d free and practice nothing but safe sex. I am very discreet and what goes on between us stays with us. I am very real and not one of this porn Spam sites trying to get you to join. So that means you have to be real too if you are not then don’t spend me an email.

I'm never real on weekends. I spend my hours away from work employed as a porn-bot. Good thing he mentioned the "real" thing otherwise I may have accidentally emailed him.

So if you don’t want to meet then say so, if you do, lets. But how do you know I am not what you are looking for until we chat.

Well, going by what it says on the profile and in the email, I think a lady is perfectly capable of making an informed decision. No need to indulge in awkward conversation. There is already so much of that in this world, so let's not contribute.

If you decided to respond back then you can email me here at AdultFriendFinder or at my personal email account (email deleted). Until we chat again, may you dream and fantasies come true.

((pokes head out of bedroom door))

Shouldn't it be "your dreams"? Fine! No need to get testy. I'm just trying to help! Jeesh.

((slams door again))


So what have we learned today?

1. This dude is really talented. His eyes perform the blues so well that women become "spell bound".

2. He is good at measuring. (As a shocking side note, he did not mention the size of his penis! Not that I care, but still.)

3. He is real, so step off if you ain't, yo. (Ouch. I made my head hurt even worse typing like that.)

4. He fully capable of chatting with someone who has yet to respond.

You really do learn something every day!


darkwood74 42M
1 post
8/13/2005 10:49 am

luv your blog! keep it up!


rm_connor696 60M
834 posts
8/13/2005 12:07 pm

You know, I wonder whether this place might not be getting to you. I have no doubt that most of the women here receive tons of semiliterate e-mail from men who have barely skimmed their profiles, at best. And the more interesting women probably get even more than that. (You know, assuming that electronic phenonmena can be said to have mass and thus be weighed in tons.) But this particular note doesn't seem all that bad. It's just uninspired and two-dimensional, yes? As for the spelling and syntactical errors, they hardly seem to warrant such ire. Believe me, I've seen text just as sloppy in manuscripts penned by academicians and such. Hell, I'm pretty good with words, but I'm a crappy typist, and I'm sure I've missed mistakes trying to reread this tiny typeface. I doubt that anyone who writes can avoid them entirely.

I dunno. It just doesn't strike me as that offensive or risible. Maybe you've simply had far too much crap come your way--I can well believe that you have--but that's more or less why I started off by suggesting that the site is beginning to wear on you. Illegitimus non carborundum, as the geeks say: don't let the bastards wear you down.

I don't mean to be confrontatory. I just hope that you have had at least a few positive experiences here, some contacts that provoked neither contempt not ridicule.

I wish you good luck, good cheer, and good grammar!


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
8/13/2005 12:08 pm

What the hell is a "rugged" 6'2 and a half inches?

Hehe, you notice how they say they are always willing to try almost anything once. I want to know what it is they aren't willing to try.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


rm_connor696 60M
834 posts
8/13/2005 12:09 pm

Argh, case in point: make that "neither contempt NOR ridicule."

I just wanted to forestall what otherwise seemed inevitable . . .


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/13/2005 2:13 pm

Darkwood -

Thanks for visiting. : )


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/13/2005 2:28 pm

Connor -

What ire? I don't see ire anyplace in my posting. Bad jokes, sure. Ire? Nuh uh.

Like it says on the title page of this blog, nothing I write here is meant to be taken seriously.

I don't think I said anything to suggest that I thought the email was offensive either. Those ones go under the "What Not..." heading.

My blog isn't about lighting people up or telling them what to do. The posts are my "ramblings", that's all.

I have had some private emails asking me to detail what I've done on any dates I've had from this website or to tell them what I'm looking for(in email form), but that's not my thing.

This is supposed to be nice, light reading. I didn't say it was going to be good reading.

Anyway, this is what it is.

My mellow is officially harshed, dude.


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/13/2005 2:30 pm

Daphne -

I've often wondered what "anything" means.

Maybe the two of us should compile a list and see what we can come up with.

Oooh! I've got one:

Brazilian man-wax.


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
8/13/2005 2:36 pm

Oh, DCE, please, please, please excuse me, but I feel the need to say something in response to connor696. He "said" something, probably without thinking it through, or if it was thought through it doesn't come across as very nice. My older brother is a master at "open mouth, insert foot" because he never thinks about what he says first. I love him dearly, but until I pointed out that the reason everyone was always mad at him, he had no clue.

Now what connor said was this "And the more interesting women probably get even more than that.

Now, I don't personally know DCE, but I find her witty and charming and very funny. She takes the sad emails that all of us women get and shares them, making us realize that we aren't the only one that attract creeps and illiterates and bad typists and men that prefer women with hairy tits. If we lived inthe same area of the country I'd love to have her as a friend. I think that would be a blast.

I also think you owe her an apology. You find her interesting enough to visit her blog, I'm surprised you have time, what with all the more interesting women out there.

Sorry for the hijack DCE, just needed to get that off my chest.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
8/13/2005 2:42 pm

When those blues eyes are playing "Grits Ain't Groceries" they also make you want to spell B-O-U-N-D.

I'm glad he said a rugged 6'2.5"
If it were a dainty 6'2.5" that would be a real deal breaker.


007sexy40plus 51F  
7603 posts
8/13/2005 4:31 pm

oh DCE, keepem coming dear. I love it. I visit everytime I see a new post because between you and TDA1 I get my amusement here. And don't worry I know I am pretty damn interesting but I don't get nearly as much mail as you do. I get a few creepy ones but you know how to put them into perspective. I think they fear me more than anything. Let's see is there are many "more interesting" women that can do what you do. I am with Daphne on this one, You are pretty damn interesting too and if I was near we would be friends, hell what am I say? I am your friend, we can do this on here just as well as if we were in person. Keep blogging hun, do what you do.

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"


rm_connor696 60M
834 posts
8/13/2005 4:44 pm

Daphne--Actually, I meant that women such as DC--those who are more interesting than most--will get an inordinate amount of e-mail. It was a compliment, not a diss.

In fact, I decided when I started here never to diss anyone. I can't imagine it would ever accomplish anything. But I guess that sort of thing was what I was wondering about. It's pretty easy to mock people. Okay, I'll rephrase that: people make it pretty easy for others to mock them. And yeah, it did kinda seem like the original post was mocking someone who didn't deserve it or at least didn't deserve it to that extent. I didn't mean to harsh anyone's buzz, and as I said, it may well be that the women here get so fed up with rampant idiocy that the least misstep sets off the warning chimes. But in the interest of keeping a pleasant and nonconfrontatory atomosphere, shouldn't we let minor spelling errors pass without comment?

Hey, don't get me wrong. I've enjoyed reading DC's blog--that's why I'm here. And a lot of the stuff she lampoons is pretty painful. But I was honestly interested in why she might want to make fun of someone for spelling typos (as in "blues eyes" for "blue eyes").

Anyway, I'm all about peace and love and people getting along. I truly thought that was clear in my original post. (They should offer a peace sign emoticon, dagnab it.)

So, are we all cool?


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/13/2005 5:34 pm

Daphne -

You're not hijacking. You and I go way back in the world of online chatting, so feel free to step in whenever the urge hits you.

Thanks for your lovely comments. I had to look behind my chair to see whether it was actually me you were talking about, but they were lovely nonetheless. LOL

(I can't get over Hairy Tits Guy. When I think about that, it still cracks me up.)


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/13/2005 5:38 pm

jayR -

I think if we hunt around the site a little, we may well find a dainty 6'2(.5)" guy.

Not that there's anything wrong with it.


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/13/2005 5:43 pm

Straightten -

Even though said mellow has been harshed momentarily, I'm not about to change what my blog is about: complete and utter nonsense. LOL

Thanks for having my online back the way I have yours.


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/13/2005 6:03 pm

Connor -

Just think of my blog as being improv.

Someone tosses out an idea and I just go with it - that's all. There is zero malice intended.

When Colin Mochrie puts a giant foam triangle on his head for a second, he's pretending it's a hat. If some tells me about their "blues eyes", I picture a pair of eyeballs on a stage singing like John Lee Hooker and Etta James.

Not everyone digs my sense of humor, but the purpose of the blog isn't to examine what my blogging motivations are, get into my personal business or to solve the world's problems. It's just my goofy little blog.

Incidentally, a couple of the guys that I've posted about have emailed me afterwards to tell me that they thought what I'd written was pretty funny.

I've never had any emails accusing me of being mean or mocking people.

I come from a huge Caribbean/Irish family (yes, you read right), so if you can't take a joke you're pretty much screwed.

Anyhoo, that's how I feel about my little place here in cyberspace.

If you don't like what I write, be forewarned that it isn't going to get any better. LOL


rm_qcao1 48F
197 posts
8/13/2005 6:53 pm

As always fun and interesting post.
I look forward to your posts.
Thank you for making me laugh.


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
8/13/2005 9:20 pm

What have we learned? Well I came here and found yet another would be Romeo has become a target for your biting sarcasm.

I have learned that if I ever decide to write you a letter that I make damn sure it can't be traced to me! Of course that rather defeats the purpose doesn't it?

Then again, some of our purposes are not what they appear to be!


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/13/2005 10:08 pm

gcao1 -

Thanks and welcome back.


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/13/2005 10:13 pm

Keith -

There is no possible way you could duplicate some of the messages I've gotten unless you're under the influence of some sort of mind altering substance.

At any rate, you know you're welcome to write me at any time.

Y'know, I was going to ask you exactly what sort of cooking you do, but I will answer that question myself in my fevered little brain.

Maybe I'll conjure up some sort of vulgar email and surprise you with it one day. LOL


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
8/14/2005 12:56 pm

Actually I am working on a cookbook at present. With the sort of recipies that will indeed induce fevered thinking!


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/14/2005 1:53 pm

Keith -

If you need someone to taste test any dark chocolate recipes, I know someone that would be really interested.

I'll give you a clue - I see her in the mirror every day. LOL


Tala4u2 54M  
2957 posts
8/14/2005 11:56 pm

Crap the quality of emails Dc gets keeps lfting and I am never going to get one in her blog because
A Lazy
B rude
C gotta take the cat out
B rude
D Dyslexic
E Stupid
B rude
F have a stutter



Tala, Wizard of The Kingdom of BooBoBia, DEITY,
PERVlander


five_speed 41M

8/15/2005 5:00 am

Every man should read this blog, DCE. You could name it "Email Weirdness 101."


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/15/2005 5:52 pm

Tala -

I couldn't post about you if I tried.

You're way too together, man. LOL


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/15/2005 5:54 pm

Five Speed -

I think only fifty percent of the guys that read this blog actually "get" it. LOL

If I use the "Email Weirdness" heading, I will give you due credit.


Priapeo 46M

8/16/2005 5:34 am

This reminds me: "Go, go, go, said the bird: human kind
Cannot bear very much reality"

Never argue with an idiot. He brings you down to his level then beats you with experience


backpackerguy 59M
9 posts
8/16/2005 12:08 pm

Hey there, DCE, I'm echoing QCAO1 - thanks for a great blog and for making us/me laugh. It's better than late night t.v. anytime, which I suppose is not much of a compliment, but is meant to be! Your blogs attract some great folks... it would sure be fun to get them all in the room at the same time - we would need oxygen once and awhile due to over exersion by way of sustained laughter. cheers!


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/16/2005 2:06 pm

Priapeo -

That is way too deep for my shallow self to comprehend.

I already said my head hurt, remember? LOL


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/16/2005 2:11 pm

Backpackerguy -

Thanks for visiting my blog and I appreciate your comments.

I think a DCE blog party would be wicked fun!

I hope if you're comparing this to late night tv, you're thinking more along the lines of Letterman and Conan instead of Leno (ugh) or poor Craig Ferguson(shudder). I like Craig Ferguson, so I'm hoping his show will improve and find an audience the way Conan's did. Oops...I'm rambling. LOL

Anyway, come back and hang out any time.


rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
8/16/2005 2:12 pm

Tala learnt loads here Too!!!


DCEbony
1586 posts
8/16/2005 2:29 pm

Methinks Tala has forgotten more than either of us will ever know...LOL


Become a member to create a blog