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We are who we are, you be the same, or, We can tell you don
We are who we are, you be the same, or, We can tell you don
...than we could ever hope to provide
Our recent investigation into the swinging clubs in our area has led us to a few inescapable conclusions: physical attraction is defined by so many as the ability to sexually attract potential lovers through sheer force of wardrobe (and a good Atkins diet). We point this out largely because of the fundamental problems we have with dressing up ‒ either in fancy dress (costumes) or formal dress (costumes). We are at our foundations, jeans wearing, t-shirt sporting people. We like our sneakers and cowboy boots more than slacks and loafers and we deeply wish for people who feel similarly.
When you come from a relaxed community of Generation Xers, you, I believe, have a deep-seated distrust of those who seek to impress with complicated and expensive clothing. The idea of wearing clothing designed to conceal this and reveal that may seem alluring, but it should be noted at this point that such clothing is, historically, designed to perform precisely one function: mask the labor of the wearer. Clothing that inhibits movement and highlights the inability of the wearer to take action is a long-standing vestige of the classical age of aristocracy. Clothing involving thin, silky, less-than-durable fabrics indicates to the world (traditionally) that the wearer is wealthy enough to not require physical activity and I, for one, find this to be an affront to the modern age.
For us, and many in our generation, you imply, by wearing such clothing, that you are above moving your hands, fighting for your beliefs and performing functions that we now refer to as “blue-collar” and whilst this may be an enormous source of pride for many people, it is, to us, proof that you are more interested in selling me something than you are in knowing us in any way that matters. Additionally, you imply (in our eyes) a distinct lack of original thought by allowing a fading, blue-blood society to dictate to you what you will wear and how you will feel based not on your own confidence, but rather on the social morays imposed by your peer group. For us, the suit is dead ‒ alternative forms of fashion (what has traditionally been viewed as “CASUAL casual Friday” clothing is more comfortable, more alluring and, above all, more genuine. Do people who wear $2000 suits actually wear them on the weekends when they are watching football or whatever it is they do? I suppose some do, but most, I’ll wager, do not.
“Be who you are, not what you wear” is our mantra and while this will certainly offend some, it is of little concern ‒ out there somewhere (late at night in your heart of hearts when nobody else can hear you) many of you feel the same way. Having invested thousands of dollars in wardrobe, however, I can at least empathize with your difficulty in admitting it. I myself have invested thousands of dollars in things that now seem equivalently silly ‒ how I dearly wish Level 3’s stock would make a comeback.
That said, we understand the sexual allure of the cocktail dress ‒ the hint of leg or peek of a breast can all be incredibly erotic. Unfortunately (and let’s be honest with ourselves here) few of us can effectively pull this off. The cocktail dress is designed to highlight a body that is, above all else, trim, tone, long-legged and large-breasted. What of the rest of us? I won’t lie here; we are no longer the fit and firm couple of our early 20s. While we have maintained a decent shape and fitness, life has often intruded ‒ we simply have lacked the time (or interest) to spend the hours in dieting and workouts that we should to ensure the modern version of the perfect body. We are, in fact, more in tune with the classical (baroque) image of beauty ‒ curvy and possessed of a few extra pounds. And this now begs the question, what the HELL is sexually alluring about the business suit? The lack of a hint of leg and peek of pectoral should be considered a drawback, but, then again, who am I to judge? Perhaps (and I suspect this is true) the idea of how much it costs is alluring in-and-of-itself. There is no question that I would not spend that much money on a single outfit (although ‒ for you power types out there) I could afford to.
Happily, we enjoy this in ourselves and are thus neither worried nor interested in those that find this unattractive. As a result, the numerous “hotcouple674632287” profiles tend to be an immediate turn-off that warrants no interest ‒ we don’t personally even bother to read them. We congratulate you on your “hotness” but we assume that with such a statement, you will not find the same things we do attractive. Give us a sharp, fit, fantastic mind encased in an average body any day over the “pretty vacant”.
This brings us to the next (you’re nearly done now if you’ve read this far) point. That of body and sexual attraction. As we’ve said, we’re not models. We would probably like to look like models, but only if it requires eating the foods we enjoy and still allowing time to relax, read books, watch bad television and live our day-to-day lives. When we are retired, perhaps we can realistically hope to dedicate the time such a project requires, but by then we will be old, wrinkled, and fundamentally too interested in whatever else there is out there to occupy our time. Thus, let me say this plainly and pointedly: Long live the average body! We’re not hippies about this, but the human body and human sexuality is generally beautiful ‒ many things go into attraction ‒ things beyond breasts and bellies and the like. Love who you are, don’t let others dictate your body to you. If you enjoy and have the time to work out, go for it. If you enjoy eating fatty foods, go to it! We’re somewhere in between. The last 10-15 (or 20-30 depending on height) pounds (that weight that separates Minnie Driver from Cameron Diaz) is the difference between interested and obsessed and makes, for a lot of people, all the difference. Well, we’re not those people (for those of you who have the “extra padding”, feel free to contact us).
Having now eliminated a significant portion of the swinging community from any potential meetings (quicker this way ‒ if you wanted a model body, you would have been disappointed over dinner anyway), let us please make our final point. We have encountered no small number of couples that are uninterested in talking to us sans pictures. We understand how important physical attraction is ‒ we expect to be attracted as well ‒ but we are admittedly confused by this attitude. Would a few emails prior to photographs be an unreasonable expectation? Perhaps so - we do not consider ourselves experts in human behavior.
Wasting time on ugly people must be deeply discouraging ‒ all of that time at the gym and the clothiers perhaps places the time used “meeting people and getting to know them” at a far greater premium. We have no idea, really. We have made a few acquaintances online here that we will never sleep with (the physical attraction is not there) but whom have already shown themselves to be fun, entertaining and nice to talk to. Hell, I shouldn’t say we never will sleep with them ‒ perhaps attraction will come with time ‒ who can tell? At any rate (I diverge) we have noticed a disturbing trend recently ‒ the hot-couples tend to have little in their profile and little substance in their respective communiqués. “Do you have a pic” is hardly an introduction ‒ even in the swinging world. Thus, we offer you this final thought. If you don’t see what you like in our pictures, try reading our profile. It is lengthy, but tells you what you need to know. If reading is painful, you didn’t make it this far in our blog, so give it a go. Regardless, if our “pics” don’t do it for you, or don’t tell you enough about what we look like, please feel free to move on. We get no thinner, better looking or sexier with increased exposure. We are who we are and we look the way we look. Our comfort level in our looks is high (OK, we plan on doing a few sit-ups and such to tighten up a bit, but we’re not giving up on our home-made potato skins) and we expect the same from you.
Thus, in summary ‒ lose the fancy clothes and lose the fancy “body-centric” attitude if you want to be with us. We’re in decent shape - we’re sexy and attractive ‒ but we’re not Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston (or whomever form the Hollywood couple these days). We’re more like a post-pregnant Bruce Willis and Demi Moore (except we don’t really look like them). You know, when she carried that extra weight and he was between action movies and clearly only working out once a week, and only half-heartedly at that.
Most of you may very well be offended and have already scratched us off of your list ‒ thank you in advance. Our time is precious, too, and the idea of sitting through drinks with a couple that is debating our perfection rather than debating topics we find infinitely more interesting, seems like a waste of time to us as well.
Oh, by the way, for those of you that haven’t figured this out yet, we’re incredibly difficult to please and are, by our own admission, intellectual snobs. We don’t ask for, require or expect an Ivy League education (we do not ourselves possess that) or, in fact, any particular education at all. We do expect you to be able to think for yourself, defend your ideas (if challenged ‒ we won’t attack them) and provide stimulation above the groin as well. Impossible to find these people, you may say, and you may very well be right ‒ but we are happy with each other and are in no hurry.
Surprise us (or don’t ‒ we’re cool with it either way).
11/26/2005 9:08 am
Personally when I'm home and feeling prudish, I tend to wear boxers... otherwise, half the time I'm hanging (inuendo intended) naked. (what does that tell you about me?) Were I a short driving distance from you, I'd come on over and give you a kiss (what the hell, even both of you... I'm straight but confident in my sexuality not that there's anything wrong with it etc.)
I gave up trying to maintain the whole clothes BS when I was chastized by a former employer for wearing a sports jacket and not a "proper" suit. I freaking spent all of my time stuck in a cubicle behind locked doors in a computer room writing software! Like the terminal cared what I wore to work eh? (Notice the Canadian dialect creeping into my writing eh?)
Anyway.. nice rant. Wishing you lots of fun and nookie.
11/26/2005 9:32 am
I get Penthouse for the articles....|
it has pictures?.... must have missed em or they were all
torn out.... will get my money back
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