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Last time I was inside a woman....
Last time I was inside a woman....
Last time I was inside a woman was more than three months ago. O.K. so since then my wife has at least jerked me off a couple of times, but it's not the same. Even the last time I was inside her wasn't very satisfying.
For more than a year, my wife made me feel as if having sex with me was a chore. Sometimes intercourse felt even worse - almost as if I was comitting .
Eventually, I could take no more and found a fuck-buddy, here on AdultFriendFinder. We only met a few times, but each time we did it was such a relief to know that she was having sex with me because she wanted to, rather than out of some feeling of obligation. Each time we met I came at least twice, usually once in her mouth (she loved giving blowjobs, and I really enjoyed the feel of her mouth wrapped around my cock), and again later emptying the remainder of my cum deep inside her willing quim.
Unfortunately I was also stupid. Cheating on my wife wasn't stupid enough for me. No, the most stupid thing was that I didn't practice safe sex. One day I found out that there might be a problem. (Actually, there wasn't. My willing co-adulterer's ex-husband had got into her AdultFriendFinder account and was doing his best to put an end to her fun.)
I had no choice. If there was a chance I had caught an STD there was also the chance that I had passed it on to my wife. I had to tell her. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Our marriage almost ended that day. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better for my wife if it had, even though I didn't (and still don't) want to lose her. For several months we went to a therapist. It didn't really help.
I did the best I could to repair the damage. I tried to suppress my sexual needs and give my wife whatever she needed to prove that she was the woman I really wanted to be with.
My wife tried to make things better too, for a while, by being a little more outgoing sexually but the original problem was still there. She didn't see herself as sexy, and worse she appeared to feel that enjoying sex was wrong. When we were intimate it seemed that she found it even more like a chore than before. Perhaps it was, and still is. Worse, because I could tell that she wasn't enjoying herself (and because I felt guilty about what I had done) I found it difficult to perform. My wife interpreted that to mean that I was still getting my needs met elsewhere. She also told me that she couldn't be the sexual partner I wanted (even though I wanted no more from her than she had given freely before we were married).
A few months ago I created a new account here on AdultFriendFinder. If I couldn't live out my sexual fantasies in real life, perhaps I could at least live some of them through the cameras and blogs of other members.
I am still doing the best I can to repair my marriage, but each day it gets more difficult - especially as I don't think my wife wants to repair things any more unless she can have everything (including our sex life) her way. I don't want to force my wife (or anyone else) to have sex with me if she doesn't want to, but I do know that I was not intended for celibacy. Unless things improve, I'm afraid that sooner or later my desire will be too strong and either I'll have to give up on the marriage and file for divorce, or look outside the marriage again to satisfy my carnal desires. Perhaps I can live without a satisfying sexual liaison for another year. Possibly longer. The problem is that part of me doesn't want to.
4/12/2005 11:21 pm
My friend I faced a similar problem 3 years ago. We came up with the only solution we saw, the divorce, and now the relation with my ex is better with no sex of course.|
The problem is that you try to save a relation that it is permanently broken. Sex is one of the most important things in a relation like marriage and many problems can be solved with it, but if it is not there then what you have is not a relation, not at least as we know it.
As I see from your post your wife doesn't love you. If you love someone you do anything you can to satisfy him/her.
Give it another try but here in greece we say that you can't fix a broken glass.