My Broken Back Motivation  

CravesChocolate 56M
81 posts
8/2/2006 2:11 pm

Last Read:
8/20/2006 5:50 pm

My Broken Back Motivation

I found and joined this website back in March of 2006. I am sexually adventurous and so I enjoy being around other people with open minds about sex. I am not looking to "hook up" with some one from this website but was/am always looking for intelligent discussion about anything that falls in my interest zone.

Right after joining the website, I stumbled upon one such group. The group was about black women and white men together. As a white man married to a black woman this not only appealed to me but I soon nestled in and made it my main home for interacting with people on this site. There was many great threads and many good people interacting there.

But all of that changed recently. A guy I like and respect started a thread about the movie "Broke Back Mountain". Before long, another member came and posted the following post:


"why would any str8 man watch a film like that...I'm sorry but the thought of 2 guys together turns my stomache like seeing steam rise off of fresh roadkill and then hitting it with your car...lol. I don't care how many boob shots there are...you would have to tie me up and tape my eyes open to watch that....and hopefull buzzards would come by and peck them out before I saw them kissing each others hairy ass...lol"

I was offended, as were others, about the gay bashing nature of this post. I took him to task and what followed was everyone weighing in on the issue. The guy that made the comments quit the group in a huff. The problem for me came about when the moderator took sides with the guy making the offensive comments. Those of us that were offended and stood up for our beliefs were the ones that were attacked as needing to lighten up and having a burden about this, etc. I was accused of getting up on my soap box and preaching. Soon the comments became about being tolerant about intolerance and intolerant about standing up for what you believe in.

Now I am a very political animal in every way. I hold a degree in Politcal Science from UC Davis and have been an activist all of my life. (More about this in future post). The moderator had already said in her "RULES" that she didn't want politics involved in the group. So I was already restricting my comments so as not to offend. But now I can not even stand up for my beliefs? Not me! Not my style! Attempts have been made to silence my voice by the police, politicians, and others in power and I haven't shut up or been intimidated yet. So I am not about to be silenced now.

So where does that leave me? The moderator begged the offending party to come back to the group. He did and he apologized. I accept his apology even though he reaffirmed his "right to not accept the gay lifestyle." But this is not about him or his comments anymore. It is about the moderator supporting him and not our position. So now three of us have stood on our principals and quit the group.

I spent a considerable amount of time drafting a lengthy farewell post which explained my position. I posted it late last night and saw it there this morning when I got up. But soon afterward it was deleted. I am extremly disappointed in the moderator in deleting this. It was not attacking anyone. I even accepted the olive branch that the original offending party was offering. But this just reaffirms that it was time for me to go. But where? The only alternative I have been able to figure out is to start my own blog where I don't have to live under anyone's rules.

I know and even expect that some of my friends from that old group will drop by and visit. I look forward to that. Some of them have their own blogs that are quite fascinating and I want them to come by here and introduce themselves and their blogs so that anyone that follows this blog can go see theirs. They are some wonderful people that I feel even closer to now that this whole mess came down. So you see, it's ALL good.

So now here I sit, like moving into a new house before the furniture gets here. I see that three of my friends from the old group made it here before I did. Yeah! Thanks guys! Now I got to get busy and starts some posts so that there will be something for you to do when you get here.

But meanwhile, since I am new to this, I am way open to your suggestions on post topics. To start with, I am thinking about my next one being the farewell letter to the old group that got deleted before hardly anyone had the chance to read it. What do you think? Let's get this party started!



moonlightphoenix 45F
6508 posts
8/2/2006 2:55 pm

*YAY* Gets to be first in line....let's start a conga of our own!!!

You know, after reading all the posts of the group members who left, and who kindly visited my blog to chime in on my post about all this, I am kind of happy now to know who's who and what's what. I had respected the moderator until this happened, and it wasn't just one post that changed my mind. It was the subsequent post after post after post of her defending him and telling us all to shut up, lighten up and respect his right to a differing opinion. I'm sorry..that's not an opinion and it's not a joke. It's hate and intolerance disguised as such. There were a couple other factors that contributed to my departure, and I certainly didn't PLAN to leave...it just kind of happened. I just suddenly realized and saw the participants for the people they are, and I do not associate with those kinds of people.

I was hurt and sad to no longer be apart of a group I valued greatly, but like you said...we've had the chance to get to know each other outside of that fishbowl cocoon (mixing my metaphors, I know-NO RULES, remember!!! LO, and there's value in knowing where people stand.

You're being watched, now...keep it coming!!!


moonlightphoenix 45F
6508 posts
8/2/2006 2:57 pm

*YAY* Gets to be first in line....let's start a conga of our own!!!

You know, after reading all the posts of the group members who left, and who kindly visited my blog to chime in on my post about all this, I am kind of happy now to know who's who and what's what. I had respected the moderator until this happened, and it wasn't just one post that changed my mind. It was the subsequent post after post after post of her defending him and telling us all to shut up, lighten up and respect his right to a differing opinion. I'm sorry..that's not an opinion and it's not a joke. It's hate and intolerance disguised as such. There were a couple other factors that contributed to my departure, and I certainly didn't PLAN to leave...it just kind of happened. I just suddenly realized and saw the participants for the people they are, and I do not associate with those kinds of people.

I was hurt and sad to no longer be apart of a group I valued greatly, but like you said...we've had the chance to get to know each other outside of that fishbowl cocoon (mixing my metaphors, I know-NO RULES, remember!!! LO and there's value in knowing where people stand.

You're being watched, now...keep it coming!!!


moonlightphoenix 45F
6508 posts
8/2/2006 2:58 pm

*YAY* Gets to be first in line....let's start a conga of our own!!!

You know, after reading all the posts of the group members who left, and who kindly visited my blog to chime in on my post about all this, I am kind of happy now to know who's who and what's what. I had respected the moderator until this happened, and it wasn't just one post that changed my mind. It was the subsequent post after post after post of her defending him and telling us all to shut up, lighten up and respect his right to a differing opinion. I'm sorry..that's not an opinion and it's not a joke. It's hate and intolerance disguised as such. There were a couple other factors that contributed to my departure, and I certainly didn't PLAN to leave...it just kind of happened. I just suddenly realized and saw the participants for the people they are, and I do not associate with those kinds of people.

I was hurt and sad to no longer be apart of a group I valued greatly, but like you said...we've had the chance to get to know each other outside of that fishbowl cocoon (mixing my metaphors, I know-NO RULES, remember!!!) and there's value in knowing where people stand.

You're being watched, now...keep it coming!!!


CravesChocolate 56M
88 posts
8/2/2006 3:29 pm

Moonlight - Thanks so much for being my first! I guess I wasn't a virgin long LOL! From the beginning you and I have been totally in sync on this issue. I would encourage anyone that is interested in this matter to go to your blog and read the thoughtful comments that you and your many fans are posting there. If you know how to put a link from here to there, please do so. I must say that I feel so free out here in blogland. It's like when you first move out of your parent's house. You no longer have to hear: "As long as you are living under my roof you live by my rules". I never did good with rules and now it's like a whole new world. But the absolute best thing of all of this mess is that I feel much closer to people like you that have stood tall on the same side of the issues. I am really looking forward to this new life on the blogs. Thanks again for your support and encouragement. Tell all of your other fans that they now have some serious competition!!


nontoxicmale 64M

8/2/2006 3:35 pm

Based on what I see here, moon is a conga line all by herself.

Maybe it is my age, but I feel compelled to forgive the offenses so long as they are not repeated. I've been with the group from the beginning and have enjoyed a lot of wit and intelligence from many of the members. I really think that the moderator was doing her best to try to extinguish the fire and was not really trying to defend gay bashing or bigotted intolerance. Maybe her method was not what you would have liked to see, but she is only human after all. I would feel compelled to leave the group if that kind of activity continued. I have accepted the apology of the offender and I know that the loss of a few members from the group has truly saddened the moderator greatly. So, for now, I chose to remain a member.

I have to respect your decision to leave and I do appreciate the thoughtful comments you have made. I have every intention of dropping in periodically and occasionally putting my two cents in. I have to say that it is nice to know that you want to continue intelligent conversation and that you are, indeed, willing to accept comments that disagree. Not that I disagree with you all that much, but I really do enjoy thought out arguments and ideas that can be put forth without the need for insults and epithets. I hope I will have the opportunity to read your books when they are published. Your writing here has been well ordered, logical, and enjoyable to read. I can only hope that it will even be better when proofread and edited.

Welcome to Blogville! I'm glad your here.


CravesChocolate 56M
88 posts
8/2/2006 5:05 pm

NTM - Moon is a Conga line by herself but fun to tango with anyway.
I guess how the moderator was handling things is something we will not be agreeing with for now anyway. I think if you review all of her comments there were way too many repeated attacks on those that were standing up to the gay bashing. The fact that so many in "her" group were offended should have indicated something to her but at the least, we should have been able to express our opinions about this all. Why would she delete my farewell post? I can see that I need to post it here so that you and anyone else that cares about this issue can see that I was not attacking anyone. But even the post that are still there still show that our opinions were not respected. I accept Steve's apology. But this stopped being about him or his comment and was totally about how it was handled.
Anyway, you make my point for me in how YOU handle my comments that you disagree with. You always demonstrate respect, care, intellect, and love. For these reasons you are always respected by everyone. You are a really great soul and I value your friendship and the bond that we have made. So very glad I will be seeing you around the blogs and dialoging with you. Come back often and debate me on anything. The welcome mat is always out for you my friend.


moonlightphoenix 45F
6508 posts
8/3/2006 10:14 am

My conga line was celebration for Craves starting his blog...not for the mess that ultimately precipitated it.

I, too, was more concerned with the way it was all handled, than the initial comment. I refuse to accept an apology that is only offered in order to gain readmittance and seem to appease those ruffled. If someone remains unrepentant and clings to their ignorance, while yelling "I'M SORRY!!", it's obviously not sincere. He's sorry for causing a ruckus, not for offending and certainly not for perpetuating hate.

so...I'm happy to have a newly created blogger in our midst and am already 2 posts behind...got some reading to do!


CravesChocolate 56M
88 posts
8/3/2006 4:56 pm

Now Moon, You know that NTM understood your Conga motivation but we are anxious to jump into your Conga line irregardless of what gets you going! But on the other hand, I am more excited than anyone to have you as my first poster here, especially given our dance out of the other group! LOL

I know that I posted this on your blog post on this subject but I still think it is so funny that I got to repeat it here. After he apologized, he started a new post called: "Mending Fences" wherein he somewhat repeated his other comments. Now another member with the handle of Zorro,(a male) went behind him and posted this following comment:

"Mending a fence with Steve out on the ranch. I push back my cowboy hat and eye him up and down. He looks mighty fine in those tight jeans..."

Now I may have a warped sense of humor but I think that this is a perfect comment to leave for a homophob! LMAO


moonlightphoenix 45F
6508 posts
8/3/2006 7:49 pm

I'm still giggling. I love Zorro. You know...I initially met him in another group that I ultimately left. But I left that one cause I got bored more than anything. I was really surprised and glad to see him show up in our group. Good guy.


CravesChocolate 56M
88 posts
8/5/2006 12:01 pm

I just took the time to look up some of Zorro's past comments on various groups. He is a very funny dude with an excellent perspective on things. This could be explained in part because he is English and not American! The English have such a sick, demented, sense of humor.
I love it!
Still waiting for Zorro to grace us with his humor out here on the blogs!


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