Once again, I stare into darkness  

Corqer32 43M
41 posts
9/21/2005 11:18 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Once again, I stare into darkness


Moody title, no? Well, it's about true. Even on vacation,a way from the stresses (and flippin' hurricanes) of daily life, I'm second fiddle to a nap or lunch or whatever. Not a single chance for any contact - yep, I'm venting again, but dammit, I'm put out right now. Every possible excuse has been raised, even the classic headache. Top that with a general unwillingness to do much more than hold my hand, and I'm feeling very pent up. Were I to have sex right now, I'd last about 3 seconds, if that. Still, I'd be willing to trade a limb for those three seconds. *sigh* I don't know why it's become such a power struggle - well, not even that really. Struggle implies that there's some semblance of balance in there trying to be shifted. I've lost. Intimacy in my life is pretty much a foregone conclusion, and I deeply, deeply sorrow for that.
What's wrong with wanting to feel good for no more reason than feeling good? I can't tell you how long it's been since a soman wanted to bring me to orgasm, sans reciprocation, just for the sake of giving me that release. Now while that sounds chauvanistic, keep in mind that one of my favorite things is (was) to simply drive her nuts and let her fall asleep with her nerves still alight. No response needed. That quickly became a one-way street. I guess I'm busy throwing myself a puty party, which is a fitting way to wrap up my vacation. Ah well - only a few more days and I can look forward to a 16-hour marathon drive home followed by flamethrowing the jungle...err lawn, to get it back to a semblance of normalcy. Then on to the whirlwind of daily life with no hope of an intimate or pleasure-filled interlude to bring a smile. To quote Robin Williams, I'm feeling a tad lower "than a snake's belly in a wagon rut."

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