Rewriting my Profile, No Holds Barred.  

15 posts
5/22/2006 1:53 pm

Last Read:
7/31/2006 2:03 pm

Rewriting my Profile, No Holds Barred.

I'm a reader. I don't read books, newspapers, magazines, like normal people.. oh no, I read crap on the Internet.

So, when I come to this site, to see that I've still gotten no f'ing winks, I read what the hotties are looking for, and then I consider rewriting my profile into something more.. coyote.. more mischeivous and direct and brutally honest. Maybe it would work.

Here are some rewrites I've considered in the past hour.

*Sensitive man seeks insecure woman.*
Let's face it, ladies. You like to be hot and sexy, but the GAME bothers you. You compare yourself to the other girls across the way, and wonder if they're cuter, slimmer, better dressed, better smelling, smarter.. the list goes on. Women are so competitive with each other.
Knowing this, I offer my sensitive self to you. I will take the time to know you. I will take the time to caress your mind as well as your body, and find out exactly what you like. And when you feel unsure, I will sing your praises. When we make love, I'll pleasure you with my tongue for hours, and Never ask you to return the favor, because I'll make you feel like my world revolves around you. Ready to feel like a woman again? Drop me a line.

*Dumb guy for cheap sex.*
ya dun gotta worrie bout me bein smarter than you. i have a big cock (c pics, lol) and i hav a perscripshun fer vigara,
my mom sed ima punk, but when she sees all the hawt bitches i brign hom, she jes shaks her head.
i dun't got no car, nor phone, but ah can meat u at a bar near my hous n we kin get 'er dun!


*Rookie Dom seeks Patient Sub*
I was going to list myself on an alternative lifestyle website, but I just don't know all the rules of Dom/Sub just yet. The thought of it, though, makes me absolutely hot.
I'm looking for a girl that won't mind that I don't know all the ropes. I like to be in control, and I'm very respectful of a woman's thresholds.
Mostly, though, I'm looking to be taught how to be a good Dom. I have a very strong controlling streak, and I'm sure I will satisfy your needs.

*Nerd Seeks Sorority President*
I know you're tired of the jocks. I know you're tired of the macho guys, the endless drinking, the parties and the irresponsible behavior - all at the expense of YOUR quality time!
I'm skinny. I sit in front of the computer a lot. When all my peers are listening to the coolest new tunes on the radio, I'm listening to reruns of the Dr. Ruth show. I don't have anything of value, so I have lots of money to spend on you and your needs. I have done my research on the latest toys, DVD's, condoms and kama sutra - all in the hopes of getting you in the bedroom for just one night.
I have read six books on foreplay, and three on erotic massage. I bought a Swedish penis pump online, and have been using it for six months. Last I checked, my penis was 7 5/6" in length and 1.5" in diameter.
Every night I dream of a beautiful girl to make love to. I have learned the Chinese secret of white Ginseng, so that I am able to have multiple orgasms in one evening, with very little downtime.
I have only actually slept with a few girls, but every single one of them reached multiple orgasms over hours and hours of intense sex.
I chew two packs of gum a day, to strengthen my jaw for the hours of cunnilingus that I will entice you with.
After all of this study and research, I'm finally ready for the sorority girl of my dreams. The Tri-Delta who wouldn't even let me buy her a drink at the pub. The Gamma Delt who laughed at me when I drove by on my 10 speed.
I'm ready.
Drop me a line. You won't be sorry!


*Why bother with anyone else?*
I could have been a porn star, but my family would have disowned me... and I come from a good family, so .. here I am, instead.
I see all of you women looking for someone "capable", and that is me. FORGET that I appear to be slim, because this metabolism is going to work in your favor - when you're screaming at the top of your lungs from my powerful thrusts and when you're moaning in ecstasy while your fingernails dig into my back.
I'm not entirely sure that YOU can handle ME, and be VERY READY to be ruined for any other sexual experience when we're done.
We're going to do it up, down, on the floor, against the wall, in the street, in the hallway, on the bridge, in the car, in the shower, in the hotel, in the elevator - and then, maybe then, we'll experiment a little - if you can walk.
Hell, I'll buy you dinner whenever you want if you don't cum... because I know you will. A lot.
What are you waiting for?


*Nice guy*
I'm tired of dating. I'm tired of websites where everyone lies. At least here, people are being relatively honest, so .. I am too.
I'm picky. You may think that I shouldn't be picky, by looking at me, but .. heh.. I don't photograph well.
I'm an intelligent man with a large penis. I get off on a woman's ecstasy, making it quite unnecessary for her to do anything special for me. I've studied books and have dated many types of woman - I even started writing a book last year.
But, that was too much work, and my day job takes enough of my time as it stands, so here I am.
I don't lie, cheat, steal or hit (although spanking is very much an option, if you're a bad girl).
Mostly, though, in real life, in my day to day, I'm a super nice guy. I have many friends and my coworkers treat me well. I am educated and able to keep a conversation.
I'm tired of being nice all the time. I need a little badness to .. add some excitement to my life. I'll do anything to satisfy your needs, the mere thrill of being 'bad' is what I'm looking for.
I know that sounds a little corny, but there's got to be at least one girl on this website that knows EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
Maybe that's you? Let's find out.


Whoo. That was fun. That's all I came up with, this hour.

Have a nice day!

~ Bill, Coyote.

DepravedNymph 55F

5/22/2006 2:11 pm

Very clever...i think you covered just about every type of profile i've seen out there. Sent you a wink cause you were breaking my

TurnLock 59M
577 posts
5/22/2006 2:23 pm

I loved this article man. I have had the same thoughts and I am going to change my profile from time to time, just to fuck with people. The women profiles just reek of fantasy sometimes when they describe what they want. I'm supporting the "Nerd profile".

TeachYouTonight 58F

5/25/2006 3:29 pm

Very clever and entertaining, and a nice change of pace to read!

rm_ozzymoto3 40F
1 post
7/31/2006 10:26 am

great profile. lol. wishing some men would be a little more honest on here also. i have got to read what the women write though. i'm not one to put sexual fantasies on here so maybe it would give me an edge. lol a lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets. there maybe that will work. keep up the profile changes and good luck.

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