Lets talk divorce....  

Christinegirl126 54F
97 posts
8/20/2005 11:15 am

Last Read:
4/17/2007 5:42 am

Lets talk divorce....

I hate divorce..Let me say that upfront. It ruins your life, your finances, your kids, your friends. It makes people pick sides. It destroys relationships that have taken years to build.

For me, I am a people person. I have GREAT...(and I really mean great) friends. I am the lucky 1/2 of my divorce. Well, lucky on the friendship side of things anyway.

I spent the entire 1st half of my adult life babysitting another person. Thats how I feel about my X. We had totally different ideas on how life is supposed to be. Different thoughts on money, child rearing, fun, adventure and even sex I suppose. At least the sex was always good. I will give credit where credit is due. (lol)....

What my X never realized, of coarse, until its too late, is that there is so much more to a relationship than sex. Now that I am gone..really gone...he wishes he would have done things differently. Well..so do I quite honestly.

It is SO NOT GREENER on the other side of the fence....I wonder why everyone wants to get there so bad? Hmmm...interesting thought to ponder I suppose. Well, I was forced over here on this very green side...and I have decided that I don't really like this shade of green. lol....

It makes me sad when I think about how much I've lost....I'll never celebrate a 25th or a 50th anniversary. Forever more, my family is seperated. Who gets to go to what event...Who sits with who. Who talks to who....The list is endless.

I am lucky to have gotten a pretty good kid out of the deal. I am thankful for that. But even with that....he must choose who to spend time with. He must choose where to spend holidays...etc.... A choice that is unfair to him.... A total example of pushing a kid into an adult world...I hate that.

Divorce pushes you into a new world...A world that you never thought you'd be back into again. The big dating game. Parts of it are really fun. Its so different now for me than before. Times have really changed. Long gone are the true gentlemen of the world... Of coarse, I still keep the faith that somewhere out there...there may still be one or two of the good guys left...lol... ok..3 max. .lol

I am not sure what is making me blog on this subject today. Maybe its the rainy weather making me meloncholly. Maybe its my life that I see passing in front of me.. A different one. One filled with "man jobs" to do. Huge parental responsibilities to handle. A lawn to mow, house repairs that need to be done. Things I have no idea how to fix..lol... It all just makes me realize how complicated life can get sometimes.

Fall is approaching and I think about all the football games that I'll be going too to watch my kid... I'll sit on one side of the bleachers..My x on the other. Each of us ignoring the other...wondering how it all ended up this way....

I know that alot of people are in my shoes... I am not alone in divorce land..not by far... but..sometimes..it just feels like it...

rm_Cecilami 51F

8/20/2005 12:23 pm

Your blog has caused me to rethink my view of divorce...that its not greener on the "other" side...about what is lost when it is done...as I am considering divorce...thank you for sharing...

rm_connor696 60M
834 posts
8/20/2005 1:10 pm

I guess divorce is as variegated as marriage is--different things for different people and all that. But for me, too, however many possibilities divorce has opened up, it has closed off many more.

I could go on at length, at least in part because I still love--am in love with--my ex. In some ways I wish that weren't so, but in some ways I hope that never changes.

But one of the hardest things is simply losing that way of being together. All those things, not just the big ones but also the little, everyday ones; all those experiences that made up the facts of your shared life; all those meanings that were meaningful to just the two of you: all these things are lost. It's as if you move to a foreign country where no one speaks English and one one ever will.

Nothing to do for it but keep on keeping on. But it does suck. One of the few shreds of my heart left to me goes out to you.

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
8/20/2005 5:45 pm

Perhaps now that the divorce is done, your husband and you both have regrets etc,

why don't you go to counselling learn to talk and associate with each other....

not to patch things up but primarily simply so as you can both be parents to your child....

so as he wont have to choose so you don't have to pretend the other aren't there....but so you can both continue to cheer him on together....


BSKinBC 53M/51F
5 posts
8/20/2005 9:40 pm

I too am in the middle of a divorce. I left a long time marriage and lived alone with my daughter for over a year. In that time I learned that I was capable of so much more than I could ever imagine. I could fix things I would never dream of trying to fix before, and those things that I couldn't, well, there was always a willing friend or family member that would know what to do.
I found that by splitting time equally with my X my child did not have to figure out who she wanted to be with, that was a decision left up to us. It sure took the pressure off of her.
And as for the grass being greener, I am now with one of the good ones now. So yes, keep up the faith, there are some marvelous shades you don't even know about yet.

kokpelli_999 61M

8/24/2005 3:24 pm

I am very fortunate. My X wife and I are best friends. Our realtionship is plutonic. If it were not we could not have what we do. Htere was no infidelity involved in our married life. None that she is aware of. THe one time was enough. There never was a reoccurance.
What bonded our friendship was our responsibilty to our daughter as her mother and father. Our daughter is adopted at has an attachment disorder. She is 19 now. for the last 4 years mom and dad clung to each other at times to maintain their sanity through their daughters times of insanity.
My X and I were married for 16 years. She has known me for 22 and still loves me. I love her . I wouldn't be a happy as I am today if in my times of oblivion she hadn't supported me. I spent the last two weekends helping her move. I look forward to helping her again.

taodoug65 51M
262 posts
9/9/2005 12:11 am

I was married myself for a long while and I been divorce for a long while. I now sit on the football bleachers and my ex never shows. The pain like you said never goes away.. THe good men are out there. You will find yours again. Maybe though like one said counseling could help or if you two are in love still. May be you should seek guidance in how to behave and trey again There are plenty of couples I know where the guy ewally has no idea what to do besides have sex.so they go through a class to learn that a marriage has to have physical and mental stimulation btwn the 2 to last. think about it. I am sure many people willhave their sappy story,,

taodoug65 51M
262 posts
11/7/2005 1:14 am

I realize I posted to tis awhile back. And stopped by to see if you had written...
Course do to my memory porblem I see I did respond. So I will just say..You are correct the grass is never greener despite what your heart wishes to dream of.

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