ChrisDL 47M
362 posts
4/9/2006 3:13 pm

Last Read:
6/19/2006 3:36 pm


I don't know why I'm typing this, maybe it just happens to be playing on mind, but a couple of things have happened this week which have made me think about experience and what it means.

Number one is work related. I've been in my current job for more than 17 years (though we've been through some mergers on the way) and I'd like to think that I know what I'm doing. I don't have any formal qualifications though which tends to slow down career progression. I got cold called by some recruitment consultants - something which I hate - and explained that I'm not qualified, and normally this gets rid of them. This time it didn't work - I sent them my CV in the hope that it would be so bad that they would leave me alone.

Still didn't work - they rang me and asked some questions and now they've got me an interview for a job that actually sounds like something really good, so maybe experience counts for something...

Number two is personal - I said something by accident during a chat in the EHT that let out that sexually I'm completely inexperienced. How inexperienced? Well there was a comedy out not so long called "The 40 year old virgin". Let's just say I'm not 40 yet....

Anyway - cue lots of embarrassment all round, mostly from me and with what has happened with this new opportunity work wise, I got thinking about experience.

My depth of experience at work and my lack of experience sexually are both down to choices I made. Most of them I don't regret, and of course some of them I do. There have been times when I could have changed my *ahem* virginal status but it never happened.

I used to worry about it, now I don't.... Well that's not true, I do at my lowest moments and I think what you are probably thinking - that I'm some sort of freak and maybe I am.

You might also think I'm a fraud being on AdultFriendFinder - and again maybe I am. I certainly came here (again in one of my lowest moments) looking for sex. I realised that was going to happen and to be honest virginity is hardly an attractive trait for a soon to be 37 year old.

But that, is the result of the choices that I made - right or wrong.

If you read this and think badly of me, then in my defence I would say this:

1 - I've never pretended to be something I'm not

2 - I'm honest enough to say something which some would not

helga_hansen 49F  
1987 posts
4/10/2006 12:18 am

Chris, you are not a fraud! No one can ever accuse you of being something you're not, and besides, whose business is it anyway, regarding your personal choices? It will also be your business how you choose to change that.

Good luck with the job interview... who knows, perhaps this will be the start of a whole new chapter in your life!!


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

absolutelynormal 56F
6563 posts
4/29/2006 6:18 am

That took a lot of courage. I hope you find what you're looking for Mac

Queen_Of_Wands 45F

5/8/2006 8:49 pm

I really hope you don't mind me answering this one, Chris, but I think you should be applauded for your honesty and guts in this post. There's such pressure to be sexually experienced that something gets lost along the way and, as one of the ones very proud of my single figure tally of partners, I'm glad to see you took a stance.

The best sex happens with someone you feel for; humping passers-by is just shameful to look back on for anyone with a little self-worth. By all means have all kinds of moods in sex but never cheapen it because that cheapens us as people.

I don't think you're a freak or a fraud; you're just a decent guy unwilling to compromise. And if any woman disrespected you for that, it rather shows them up, not you. It's very easy to get experience sexually so when the right time and person happens along, you won't have a thing to worry about and certainly nothing to regret.

Queen_Of_Wands 45F

5/8/2006 9:02 pm

And you know..maybe you should take that trip I saw you mention in another post. Not because of this post, but just to meet your friends. I remember reading somewhere years ago that if you always do what you've always done, you always get what you've always got.

And you can hurl if you like but here's a poem I love, I think it might mean something to you to:

Under a sky the colour of pea soup
she is looking at her work growing away there
actively, thickly like grapevines or pole beans
as things grow in the real world, slowly enough.
If you tend them properly, if you mulch, if you water,
if you provide birds that eat insects a home and winter food,
if the sun shines and you pick off caterpillars,
if the praying mantis comes and the ladybugs and the bees,
then the plants flourish, but at their own internal clock.

Connections are made slowly, sometimes they grow underground.
You cannot tell always by looking what is happening.
More than half the tree is spread out in the soil under your feet.
Penetrate quietly as the earthworm that blows no trumpet.
Fight persistently as the creeper that brings down the tree.
Spread like the squash plant that overruns the garden.
Gnaw in the dark and use the sun to make sugar.

Weave real connections, create real nodes, build real houses.
Live a life you can endure: Make love that is loving.
Keep tangling and interweaving and taking more in,
a thicket and bramble wilderness to the outside but to us
interconnected with rabbit runs and burrows and lairs.

Live as if you liked yourself, and it may happen:
reach out, keep reaching out, keep bringing in.
This is how we are going to live for a long time: not always,
for every gardener knows that after the digging, after
the planting,
after the long season of tending and growth, the harvest comes.

EE407 41F
3903 posts
5/15/2006 12:56 am

A fraud? how did you arrive at that conclusion....

Well.. you're still my oldest & dearest friend no matter what!

Hugs E.

racingcrazy67 49M

5/16/2006 5:39 am


I don't think badly of you at all! In fact, quite the opposite actually as your honesty and courage to post that sends you way up in my estimations!

Everyone is different Chris, there is no rule book as to what anyone should do with their life. The important thing is that YOU have chosen to lead yours this way. any friend, family member of future lover if they are of any worth will accept and love you for the way and WHO you are, not because of a tick list.

I wish you lots of happiness in whatever you do and hope you find it on AdultFriendFinder. I haven't been a member long but I can see that you are liked and respected by a hell of alot of people and that includes me!

Good luck to you and hold your head up high!

Become a member to create a blog