Too big a hurdle  

Choozmi 50M
746 posts
6/24/2006 11:49 pm

Last Read:
6/26/2006 3:26 am

Too big a hurdle


This topic came up in another blogger's blog and I thought I'd expand on it here.

I believe that in personal relationships (not business) the best attitude is to assume others are honest until they show themselves not to be. For example, in the past when I have sensed that someone I was getting to know seemed to distrust men in general, I have not found it to be worth my time trying to change her mind.

This topic has actually come up many times among my friends and the general feeling was that trying to get past distrust based on nothing but someone's bad experiences with others is just not worth the effort. We would rather spend time with partners who aproach love from an optimistic place. Then the time is spent building a relationship, not trying to repair the damage done by someone else.

I of course have had my trust violated many times and it is sometimes difficult to open up again. But I do it.

I'm actually considering staying in touch with someone who has violated my trust in the past. The reason I'm taking such a risk is because, quite simply, I like her. When we knew each other in the past we got along very well. We enjoyed each other. And such mutual appreciation is hard to find.

She may violate my trust again. Heck, she may have changed so much that we are no longer compatible. I don't know.

For the past few days I've been trying to change the dialogue in my brain from "What if she disappoints me again?" to "How can we build a positive, nurturing relationship?"

I may sound like a self-help book, but the dilemma is real and I don't have the answer just yet. Hopefully she will help me find it... if she's willing. We've been talking a little. We'll see.

rm_KarmoHunny 54F
888 posts
6/25/2006 12:24 am

Hope things work out for you. You'll just have to be a little cautious this time so as not to open yourself up for hurt.

Good Luck!!


imLadyBambi 58M/50F

6/25/2006 1:24 am

Choose Me,

Good luck. From a psychological perspective, the most important aspect to your question is finding out why your trust was violated. For example, if it was because of her immaturity, then there should not be a problem if she has matured at a normal rate. However, if she hurt you because she has a defense mechanism that causes her to sabotage relationships before she gets hurt, there is a much higher probability that the underlying issues have not been resolved.

Hey, if you get the chance, stop by my blog (leave a comment so I know you visited).


QueenOfSwords 34F

6/26/2006 1:01 am

Ive only had one long term relationship and because of the circumstances I was convinced that it was a chapter that I would seal forever. As months pass, I wonder.

Good post again


Choozmi 50M

6/26/2006 3:26 am

Thanks to all for stopping by.

Thanks, also, for not being pessimistic. It has been my experience that most people when hearing a story like mine above respond by rolling their eyes and saying something like "Just move on! You don't need that in your life!", etc.


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