Painful party  

Choozmi 50M
746 posts
1/22/2006 2:31 am

Last Read:
4/27/2006 1:07 pm

Painful party

I just spent one of the most painful evenings in recent memory.

I attended a party to which I had been looking forward for a couple of weeks. I expected to see a woman there ("Cheryl" ) with whom I'd shared several wonderful conversations at previous parties, and possibly two other women in whom I'm interested.

Let me make it clear that "Cheryl" is currently involved with another man and has been for several years. I've always known that and have never been anything but a gentleman toward her (and I've never made any romantic overtures, of course).

One of the other two women I had lunch with once before ("Darla" ) and the other I've only seen at a few parties and talked at length with twice ("Nancy" ). I've always been gentlemanly and appropriate to these two women as well.

Cheryl ignored me completely for the entire evening. At one point I finally tapped her on her shoulder as she passed me by yet again; she turned and tossed me a quick hello without stopping. It bordered on rude.

I had two so-so conversations with Nancy and in the middle of the second one she began talking to another man who was standing nearby. Thinking that she was simply being polite because of his proximity, I engaged him as well and the three of us talked for a few minutes. Then Nancy invited this guy out with her and a mutual friend of theirs right in front of me without including me in the invitation, of course.

Darla just seemed to avoid me the entire evening. I was hurt that she chose to not say hello to me at all. I realize that I could have spoken to her, but she seemed too cold to approach.

I'm not used to being treated so rudely. I pondered what I had done to deserve it. I finally left the party because although I was talking with several other people I wasn't enjoying myself and felt that I would alienate the friends I still had if I were to stay.

I used to joke that I am a "conversation whore" because my idea of fun at a party is deep, interesting conversations with two or three attractive women. (I rarely attempt to pick people up at parties; it tends to be too awkward.) I'd had great conversations with all three of these women in the past which is why I was so hurt that they didn't seem interested in talking with me at all tonight (though they were chatting with many other men and women).

As I made my way home I tried to remind myself that I've had many great friends over the years who've enjoyed my company and that the evening's awkwardness didn't brand me as a complete jerk.

It still hurt, though. A lot.

frogger1995 39F

1/22/2006 6:15 am

Yes...that sucks. Have you thought that perhaps these women were jealous of each other...or it was some ploy to grab your attention? We have a habit of acting like that.

cdnheat 55M/58F

1/22/2006 6:43 am

Frankly? From the tone of your blog? Their loss - chalk it up to another example of common courtesy taking the deep six...

BiF33Ut 50F
295 posts
1/22/2006 7:55 am

Do you think that those women maybe didn't want to get caught up in a deep and interesting conversation (deep and interesting are to conversations as long and meaningful are to relationships - both are great... at the right time)

I wouldn't let it under my skin, but maybe take a lesson from it.. perhaps a little less conversation whorish next time?


Choozmi 50M

1/22/2006 12:03 pm

Thank you for these comments -- and welcome to my blog!

Frogger, I don't know that the women were jealous of each other, but in the case of the one who has a boyfriend it occurred to me that either her boyfriend had expressed jealousy over the previous conversations I'd had with her or she had felt guilty about those conversations and so felt that it was best to not talk to me at all. Which makes her rude to me, but a pretty cool girlfriend to him (loyalty and all that).

Frnds4, I'm pretty well-known in this circle, so there is a chance that I'm a victim of gossip. I have no idea. I hope not; I always assumed I had a decent reputation.

BiF, my desire for deep and meaningful conversation has plagued me since I was a teenager. Many, many times I've wished I could simply turn it off. I can from time to time, but last night I was just too vulnerable.

cdnheat, I think in the case of the one who basically asked someone else out right in front of me, it was definitely common courtesy tossed out the window. But then, I may have been hanging around a bit too long in a conversation where I wasn't wanted, and that was my hint. (She could have handled it more delicately, however.)

LadySunrise 33F  
2432 posts
1/25/2006 8:49 pm

so im wondering what happened??? the aftermath...and how do you feel now...

somewhere maybe fate stepped in and figured you didnt really need either experience in your the time.....

sunny has a good point

live more, laugh often, love much

Choozmi 50M

1/25/2006 11:37 pm

    Quoting LadySunrise:
    so im wondering what happened??? the aftermath...and how do you feel now...

    somewhere maybe fate stepped in and figured you didnt really need either experience in your the time.....

    sunny has a good point
I concluded that "Nancy" is too inconsiderate to get involved with.

I figured that "Darla" is too sad a person to get close to; I'd always be trying to cheer her up and our relationship would most likely become about that.

"Cheryl"... well, I'm assuming that she will either marry her boyfriend this year or break up with him. If they break up, maybe she'll act differently toward me.

Of course there are several other women who intrigue me right now, so I'm not pinned to the mat or anything. The other night a bunch of things just seemed to pile on me at once.

Thanks for asking. I like your smile, too.


1/27/2006 6:28 am

How sad for those three women, you seem like an awesome person.

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