Who Killed Cupid?- A Fireside Chat  

HoaryCronySlimy 35M
243 posts
8/1/2006 8:48 pm

Last Read:
9/28/2006 2:25 pm

Who Killed Cupid?- A Fireside Chat

Or perhaps, the real question is what killed him.

Greetings all! I was finally able to sneak away to post our fireside chat!

This week I found myself pondering the terrible and irreversible consequences that modern media has set into motion for our generation.

The more people I meet, and with every hand I shake, I become increasingly aware of the tiny lifespan given to relationships in this modern world. Around every corner, relationships that I thought were made in heaven are falling apart for seemingly unknown reasons... Couples that people talked about admiringly as "true lovers" seem to be separating at an ever increasing rate. An age old debate, with a new theory.

Seriously, when was the last time you met someone who does not have an X lurking somewhere in their closet?

When I tell people that I am still involved with my 1st girlfriend (however shaky the relationship may be), they look at me like I am either insane or incredibly stupid. According to a private study by a local organization, more than 87% of the people interviewed who had dumped their mate, did so to pursue another woman/man whom they thought was a better catch. Ouch. It seems that few people are actually content with their current lover...

So what has changed over the past 3 decades to cause such a massive collapse of the global romance? A likely culprit is modern media and the ever increasing globalization of our tiny planet.

We are constantly bombarded by unrealistic and idealistic images of what the opposite sex should be like, so much so that people are rarely content with whom or what they have. To say nothing of the devastating effects these images have on our self esteem, it causes people to risk everything for the mere chance that they could find a better lover than the one they are with. Well what exactly is better? Better to whom?

Until recently, we humans lived simple lives that often began and ended in the same town or area where we were born. In fact, most people never strayed more than 10 miles from their original birth place.

Without television, internet, and magazines the only people you would ever see are those who were local to your little village or those weary travelers that happened upon one tiny town or another.

When you set your eyes upon a member of the opposite sex, the attraction was a pure un-tainted desire for the person themselves based on the whole package, not the part of them that you thought resembled what everyone else wanted. The only indication as to the worthiness of your mate would be whether or not said person felt right to you.

Do you see where I'm going here?

When the people of the past fell in love, regardless of how their lover appeared to others, they would be wholly beautiful in their eyes because that could be the only reference they had to draw upon.

Without bay watch babes and Brad Pits being shoved down our throats, we could go our whole lives without ever meeting someone who was "better" than the person we were with. And even if we did, would we even consider them "better" in the first place? Hard to say...

Have you ever seen those old pictures from the 1800's where a gorgeous man is happily married to a woman that resembles a warthog? Or other pics where Aphrodite herself seems to be smiling next to her elephant man husband?

What happened to that kind of love? Is it dead or merely dying? I am not sure...Either way, I feel that we have lost something in these last years, something that we can never get back.

Innocence?

READERS: Have you noticed this phenomenon in your life? Are you unhappy with the way you look, or maybe the way your lover looks? Maybe you have been dumped for someone "better"...

or "better" yet, perhaps you have another theory as to why human relationships are getting shorter and shorter as time goes on? Send me your thoughts, they keep me alive...



hornylilgirl78 105F

8/1/2006 9:11 pm

I agree with your thoughts, but also, we live in a "disposable" society as well. We don't persue things that last and we will have for the rest of our lives, we fill the need the cheapest and most effective way possible, and then, if it breaks, it gets tossed and replaced.

In a lot of ways we've started doing that with relationships. We take the "fast food" approach to it...a relationship that's fast, quick, and most of all, EASY. If we are unhappy with it, or have a problem that comes up, we slap a Bandaid on it. If the bandaid doesn't work the first time, we give up on the relationship and move on. Unfortunatly, we are not going into relationships with the intent of them being lifelong relationships anymore. We aren't willing to "fix" the problems and work together to create a stronger bond - because the next "relationship" is right around the corner.

Hope I made sense...

~Horny~

~HLG78~

"As kinky as a cheap garden hose!"


HoaryCronySlimy 35M
169 posts
8/1/2006 10:31 pm

You made perfect sense!

An incredibly valid point my dear, and I am so glad you mentioned it! This disposable nature of our society is a huge factor in this problem and others.

Perhaps a strong wake-up call is needed for our entire civilization in order to cure that particular illness. After all, we don't realize what we have until it is taken away.

Thank you so much for stopping by, your thoughts are allways welcome.


JuicyBBW1001 54F

8/2/2006 3:13 am

It is sad that our society is becoming a society of disposable people. I for one am a very loyal friend to my friends and would be there in a New York Minute if they needed me. Glad to see your alive and well my favorite potato baker was wondering how you where doing. P.S I am having a little contest want to enter?? [post 449833]

Juicy


witty1960 56F

8/2/2006 10:42 am

I agree that media images are partly to blame, although that has always been the case, since movies and tv have been around the image of female beauty has always been for most of us unattainable, just think Marilyn Monroe.

Also it is much more acceptable in society today to leave a bad relationship, women are more likely to feel comfortable leaving men now, even without someone waiting in the wings. I know the women of my generation and experience have come to realize that we don't need a mate to survive and are more willing to stay single.

We are a greedy society and want what we see...maybe if personality and life experiences were more valuable to us we would see more acceptance and a willingness to commit. There must have always been this problem or where could the saying, "Beauty is skin deep" come from???


HoaryCronySlimy 35M
169 posts
8/2/2006 7:15 pm

    Quoting JuicyBBW1001:
    It is sad that our society is becoming a society of disposable people. I for one am a very loyal friend to my friends and would be there in a New York Minute if they needed me. Glad to see your alive and well my favorite potato baker was wondering how you where doing. P.S I am having a little contest want to enter?? [post 449833]
Ahh Juicy, a vulauable friend you are indeed. I am alive and kickin' for now, just kind of a rough week with work and all. Thanks for the concern my Florida Orange I'll check out your contest!


HoaryCronySlimy 35M
169 posts
8/2/2006 8:25 pm

    Quoting witty1960:
    I agree that media images are partly to blame, although that has always been the case, since movies and tv have been around the image of female beauty has always been for most of us unattainable, just think Marilyn Monroe.

    Also it is much more acceptable in society today to leave a bad relationship, women are more likely to feel comfortable leaving men now, even without someone waiting in the wings. I know the women of my generation and experience have come to realize that we don't need a mate to survive and are more willing to stay single.

    We are a greedy society and want what we see...maybe if personality and life experiences were more valuable to us we would see more acceptance and a willingness to commit. There must have always been this problem or where could the saying, "Beauty is skin deep" come from???
Witty, it's great to see you!

Aye, Norma Jean is a perfect (and perhaps the 1st) example of what Modern Media can do to people without the steady hand of temperance. As you say though, this century did bring about other changes:

You have definitely mentioned the positive side of the evolution of human romance when speaking about equality and womens rights so to speak. It is true that the events of this century have evened the playing field to some degree. Not to mention it has brought the entire race a host of comforts and conveniences that even I can barely imagine living without.

To answer your next question, the phrase "Beauty is skin deep" first appeared in a work by english writer Sir Thomas Overbury, 1613:

"All the carnal beauty of my wife, is but skin deep."

It appears that Sir Overbury was in a troubled relationship of his own The evolution and wide adaptation of this saying seems to prove that although this problem has been around for centuries to some degree, it has grown steadily worse until total globalization occurred. Eek!

Anywho, thanks so much for paying a visit Witty, I hope all goes well.


velvetgrrrl 39F

8/5/2006 3:11 pm

Well the media has made it so we are always looking for something better, something more. it's sad really but I have always been one of those "for better or worse" kinda girls and when it gets to the point that I find myself in a situation where there is not hign left to salvage then it is time to part ways before things become more painful. Perhaps this is why I have managed to stay friends with all my ex's. With the exception of some notable fews but that is on their terms not mine as I hold no ill will towards them once the healing of the initial shock damage is complete.

We are always searching for that better and yet feel we need to have something in the meantime. So we settle. That person interested in us. or that person who gives us one of those things we're missing in our lives and we take that and use it until we find more qualities we're looking for until we come up to that "perfect package". However, once we get that package we start looking for the flaws and those things that were once there that are missing with time and sometimes, sadly, routine and choose to see them in another when at that time we need it versus trying open communication to repair or to enhance what we may currently have. And then,when we do move on to that newer and better thing when it fails and we realize what we had was so great we reminisce and try to rekindle what once may have been. But the story remains the same and most with time move on to someone or something that accepts them for them and not parts of them that fill a temporary void of happiness.

We live in a bittersweet reality where we look for the drama in things and try to make our lives exciting. its too bad old fashioned values are dying out with the previous generations. I hold on to as many as I can in the belief that with that true love or that relationship of years could be "the one" with patience, communication and respect.

Eh? A romantic you say?
perhaps I am but with parent's who have , through the good and bad, remained married for the last 30 years who could blame me

`Velvet
Hell is when u should have walked away, but u didn't.


TnWitchyWoman 56F
6852 posts
8/7/2006 7:15 am

Haven't "seen" you in awhile so I thought I'd stop by and say "Hello!" As for your chat...

I think there's two things going on here. One is the visual bombardment you mentioned but there's another part....feelings. I think people are afraid to feel anymore, or they simply forget to *feel deeply*. With everything else they are having to tend to around them it's easy to push those feelings to the back burner and then sometimes they are simply forgotten all together as they weren't given the proper priority.

I'm no goddess...unless it's the Willendorf image...but the guys loved me because of who I am AND how I made them feel, certainly not simply because of my image (or mine their's). They not only rocked my world, they ARE my world and I let them know it as often as possible.

My thought on a relationship is that this world sucks and if you find someone that also knows it sucks you simply try to help each other get through it and then you've hit the jackpot. Knowing that person is there for the good...AND THE BAD...is what gives you strength to go on. You can't find that from someone that views their partner as "Disposable".

My parents were married 3 weeks shy of their 53 anniversary when my mom passed away.

Jeff's parents were together 42 years before his dad died of cancer.

Jeff and I have been married 24 years as of this past June.

Dave came from a "broken" home. He didn't have that family foundation growing up and I can tell you when he found me and mine he hung on to us for dear life and I am thankful to know his last 12 years were better than his first 25. He and I were together for 12 years until he passed away in January. An "affair" that lasted longer than most paperwork marriages do these days. And I miss him with every breath. *shrugs*

Lori


HoaryCronySlimy 35M
169 posts
8/7/2006 10:18 am

velvetgrrrl says:

"We live in a bittersweet reality where we look for the drama in things and try to make our lives exciting."

True and oh so relevant! Nietzsche rambled on for decades about how a human will prefer bad excitement to no excitement at all, which is in itself sad.

Don't worry about hopeless romance my dear, I would have to be grouped into that category as well and my parents divorced when I was 5 (though they have still remained best of friends).

I suppose some of us simply feel that true love is real, regardless of all the evidence to the contrary. I know for me it is because I prefer to judge the world based on what it is capable of, not what it has achieved...too optimistic of me?

WOnderful words as allways Velvet.


HoaryCronySlimy 35M
169 posts
8/7/2006 10:51 am

Thanks for checking up on me luv! I'm surviving, if only by the skin of my teeth

TnWitchyWoman says:

"My thought on a relationship is that this world sucks and if you find someone that also knows it sucks you simply try to help each other get through it and then you've hit the jackpot. Knowing that person is there for the good...AND THE BAD...is what gives you strength to go on. You can't find that from someone that views their partner as "Disposable"."

Ahh, now there is wisdom born of pain, the fastest learning tool available to us! I am reminded of a classic line, from the classic film The Princess Bride:

"Life is pain highness, anyone who says otherwise is selling something."

If one can avoid the pitfalls that as you say could be a direct cause of our global fear of feeling too deeply, this realization can free a mind to enjoy life like few others. Once you realize how precious every good moment is, it improves one's disposition immensely.

I sounds like you have reached this pinnacle and have managed to maintain your composition, optimism, and sense of humor. My hat comes off to you m'lady, you are a tough one indeed!


TnWitchyWoman 56F
6852 posts
8/7/2006 2:32 pm

Once you realize how precious every good moment is, it improves one's disposition immensely.

Until it shatters before you in one blink of an eye. It's more fragile than one can imagine...or wants to imagine.

It sounds like you have reached this pinnacle and have managed to maintain your composition, optimism, and sense of humor. My hat comes off to you m'lady, you are a tough one indeed!

I'm hanging on for dear life to what keeps me here for the other people I also love. Some days I hang better than others. I never knew a body could endure this kind of pain or that I could miss someone so. I mean REALLY miss them with every breath. But life does go on and what would I be without that composition, optimism, and sense of humor? *weak smile*

Glad to know you're also surviving...even if by the skin of your teeth. It's when the skin wears thin I'll start to worry. HUGS

Lori


cdafuncpl 35M/34F

9/28/2006 1:17 pm

I consider myself very lucky indeed. I have an amazing husband who loves me very much in spite of all of my flaws. Not sure how we make things work between us sometimes because we are total and complete opposites. We both have ex's in our past that have cheated on us. When we first got together we were still dealing with scars and hurt from the pain our ex's put us through. I myself have gained a lot of weight since high school and have become a very cury woman. I spent so many years being self consious and not feeling good enough. The media is horrible at throwing distorted images at us. The media sends the message that thin is beautiful. But if you look around the average woman in this country is something like a size 12 or 14 I think. My husband has always made me feel very sexy and attractive and that is one of the many reasons I love him so much.

Lauren


HoaryCronySlimy 35M
169 posts
9/28/2006 2:25 pm

    Quoting cdafuncpl:
    I consider myself very lucky indeed. I have an amazing husband who loves me very much in spite of all of my flaws. Not sure how we make things work between us sometimes because we are total and complete opposites. We both have ex's in our past that have cheated on us. When we first got together we were still dealing with scars and hurt from the pain our ex's put us through. I myself have gained a lot of weight since high school and have become a very cury woman. I spent so many years being self consious and not feeling good enough. The media is horrible at throwing distorted images at us. The media sends the message that thin is beautiful. But if you look around the average woman in this country is something like a size 12 or 14 I think. My husband has always made me feel very sexy and attractive and that is one of the many reasons I love him so much.

    Lauren
You are quite right Lauren, your are a very lucky woman. It is up to us as humans to retain our confidence and sense of self worth despit the difficulties presented by our generation. I know it has been hard, but it seems that you have done a fabulous job in maintaining your self esteem. Way to go!

I know how it can be when you and your mate are opposites in many ways, but at least with your situation you are succeeding in making it work, and you are both growing from your challenges together.

I only wish my hubby was capable of sharing the humble optimism you and your husband seem to enjoy.

Thanks again you two for reading, my blog is a brighter place!


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