Fathers Day.......Well Maybe Not!!!!!!!!!  

CelticFlower 50F
1061 posts
5/25/2006 8:34 am

Last Read:
6/11/2006 9:30 am

Fathers Day.......Well Maybe Not!!!!!!!!!

Here in Germany, Father`s Day is celebrated in Ascension Day; which is a Public Holiday
My kids had made presents for hubby and i had helped them buy a small gift for daddy.
Our plan was, to drop them off to him this morning but things changed and he had the car. The boys called him this morning, to wish him Happy Fathers Day and to ask when he would come to get his gifts.
He said he wouldn`t come over today he would get them on Saturday........i was astounded he lives 5/10 minutes away.
As a result i ended up with 2 raging, crying and extremely unhappy boys on my hands, who took it out on me. My eldest wouldn`t talk to me or listen and withdrew from me completely, whilst the little one was permanently attached to me.
Eventually, after an hour i we all calmed down. The whole scene had me in tears too.
The boys feel that daddy doesn`t care about them anymore. They feel he is not nice to me. They think he is happy with his life away from them.

I called and asked quietly and calmly if he would reconsider his decision but he said no.

So i have spent the afternoon with my gorgeous boys trying to reassure them that i love them and that they do have a daddy who loves them too.
I feel so sad for them and i can almost physically feel my heart ache for them.

I can see,in the very near future, that they will not want to see him. This saddens me because i feel, that they need both parents in different ways.

Am going to have a big cry when they are in bed & hope that tomorrow is a better day, for them both.

A very subdued CF

HotDev1l 44M
1265 posts
5/25/2006 8:57 am

So sorry to hear this CF. He is going to end up a very lonely and bitter old man.

Yes your lads need both sets of parents but not if one of them continues to psychologically abuse them.

I was brought up by my Mum until the age of 8 when she met my stepdad. My stepdad wasn't exactly a great father and we didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things but he was more of a dad than my real father and more of a man than my real father. To this day I still view him as my dad and refer to him as such. My real father ceased to exist from the age of 2 or 3.

Trust me, it's heartwrenching but if they're just gonna get hurt by him then they are better off without him. It's a choice they'll eventually make.


racingcrazy67 49M

5/25/2006 1:57 pm

Oh dear. What is wrong with him?

He has two boys that love him and he is ignoring how wonderful that is. I am so sorry to hear this but you are doing the right thing, telling them he loves them. I hope he sorts his act out soon and recognises what he is missing.

Love and huge hugs flower, as many and as much as you need.


dutchpete 54M
563 posts
5/25/2006 2:21 pm

With some more dignity in his soul he would have shown to be more acceptable for yr boys.

Please do not have a cry over this yrself as he does not deserve this.
And your boys will apreciate you for you being you.

Thoughts are with you at my end.

papyrina 51F
21133 posts
5/25/2006 3:58 pm

Hugs honey, What can i say,i wish i could tell you its going to get better and real fast but we both know its not,patience and love,reasuring hugs is all you can give them,kids feel it as its all so fresh to them no real routine yet.
buzz me if you need to vent

I'm a

i'm here to stay

GB_Cple 66M/55F  
3038 posts
5/25/2006 9:31 pm


for the boys too

GB_Cple 66M/55F  
3038 posts
5/27/2006 12:35 am

Well if the boys want to, they can give him a 2nd chance,
the offical fathers day in the UK is June 18th.

love + kisses to all 3 of you

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
5/28/2006 10:36 am

You're right to feel upset, of course. Children love their parents in a way that they'll never love anyone again and to have that love seemingly rejected is an appalling treachery.

But then I can't understand why their father is so laid-back about the whole thing. Sometimes, I admit, it can be hard to have to turn down other opportunities because my son needs me but he's my son and he comes first ... we have a great relationship and I wouldn't trade that for the world.

I can only assume that he doesn't know what he's giving up ...

And you, of course, carry the can. Do I need to repeat what everyone else has said: that you're doing the right thing? Of course not. But I will repeat Nip's comment: remember to take time out for you. You can't look after others if you don't look after yourself.

CelticFlower 50F

5/31/2006 4:18 am

Thanks everyone for all your kind words. My eldest was a very brave boy and told his daddy exactly what he thought...........daddy lied and said he hadn`t known it was fathers day. I despair but its his bed.

HBowt2 58F

6/11/2006 1:48 am

A friend of mine went through this with her ex and she finally settled it for herself by saying 'water will find it's own level'....in other words ..you ex will be what he is and your boys will do what they have to and will finally make their own decisions....you can't fix him for them...

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