A Very Important Question  

CelticFlower 50F
1061 posts
6/28/2006 3:31 am

Last Read:
12/5/2006 12:52 pm

A Very Important Question

I was out having coffee with a friend this morning and eventually we got round to talking about hubby.....as always.
We were talking about the boys weekend with him, last weekend.
After we had talked about a few aspects of the boys time, with daddy she paused. I waited because i know when she does this, she is normally going to make a very serious point. It isn`t always something that i am comfortable hearing.
She asked : "Do you think he sees his time with the boys, as one to enjoy and make the most of; or is it just a chore that he has to get through?"
I couldn't`t answer at that point. I wanted to say they are his children of course he loves to be with them but i`m just not sure. I so suspect it is more the second option because of the fact that he already has to have his girlfriend there to help with them.
I really and truly hope that i am wrong. They are noisy and sometimes wild little boys. They are also loving, sweet, intelligent and gorgeous little men.
I love them with all my heart and if he only feels a portion of the intensity of the emotion, that i feel for them. Then he will have a happy and beneficial relationship with then.
A very thoughtful

GB_Cple 66M/55F  
3038 posts
6/28/2006 5:31 am

I hope so too, for the boys sakes , and his ,

rm_penpalchat 49M
12 posts
6/28/2006 5:45 am

Surely his time with the boys must bring mixed emotions, of the happier days and the hope and joy they brought, but also the stress and bad times in the relationship.

But, can you change how he feels? You may be able to make the experiences more positive or negative, but not fundamentally affect how he feels about them.

So, why worry your pretty head about how he feels? Think about the boys - do they get pleasure out of their time with him? Do they NEED him to be around? When those become big NOs and you think it is detrimental to them is the time for you to reconsider!

One last point. As a happily married father I find it unbelievable that you donĀ“t know how he feels about his boys!!!!


racingcrazy67 49M

6/28/2006 8:34 am

It is so important that he is there for his children even if you two are not together. I hope he realises how lucky he is to have kids, some people never get to experience it.

For all of your sakes I wish you well.


dutchpete 54M
563 posts
6/28/2006 8:44 am

Well let me be the negative one to out speak the other opinion.

Wait till you hear your intelligent little men talk about the ex and his girlfriend ( slightly puzzled here now, how fast did he hook on, or was the lady so desperate already ?). See what they tell you about the days/weekends with their dad, is it interesting, funny, or just plain boring ? Then you will have your answer.

And I can tell from experience because my father hadn't seen my brothers for 10 years due to some 'disagreement' between him and my mother. And still we are grown up guys with sense minds !!!

HotDev1l 44M
1265 posts
6/28/2006 4:53 pm

I think (well I hope) when he stops trying to get at you through the kids and stops being such a selfish idiot that he might actually realise that the boys are as much his legacy as they are yours. I hope for everyone's sake that he wakes up and realises he only get's one chance to be a father to them. I'm only glad they have someone as caring and special as you who more than makes up for the inadequacies of their idiot father.

Sorry to be blunt.

EE407 41F
3903 posts
6/29/2006 4:57 am

I hope for the children that he enjoys his time with them. If he doesn't.... well.... I'm not gonna finish that here cos it's not very nice.

I'm very glad for your boys that they have you

Erik_Bloodaxe 56M

6/30/2006 7:32 am

Why did your friend say this? Sometimes friends provide insights but sometimes they might not. Trust your own instincts, I reckon.


papyrina 51F
21133 posts
7/1/2006 12:56 am

Hugs honey
If they come back happy,relaxed and smiling babbling on about the two days they have spent then there doing ok.Although its normal to moan and groan a little ,what kid is supper happy with a parent

On the second option if he does feel like that more fool him,he looses out long term

I'm a

i'm here to stay

tracy_de_lacy 105F
9268 posts
7/4/2006 3:46 am

I have to say that I think he wants to see them. My ex didn't want to see his kids and he didn't. You will know the kind of man he is. Would he usually do something just to save face even if he didn't want to or is he a selfish sod that would say fuck it I ain't doing it?

Bye everyone, it was a blast

Babel__Fish 45F

12/5/2006 6:05 am

Flower, you are such a good Mother... I hope that you realize that!


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