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First Tentative Steps
First Tentative Steps
Who am I? Why am I here? And why am I writing this?
I'm a 37 year old guy, and I'm looking for . . . well, I'll let you know when I find it.
I'll start with a confession. I am a serial bloggist. It has been about a year since I kept a blog, so this form is not new for me. My old blog was a general topic personal blog. Like a lot of people I kept a list of things that interested me and when something struck my fancy I'd write about it and link it up to that list. That way readers who were only interested in book reviews or politics or religion could read about those topics only and skip over the bits they were not too crazy about. That was fine as far as it went, but in the end I felt the blog was something of a jumble. On any given day I might have posted about birdwatching, politics and religion, war, baseball, and ghost stories. When I looked at the blog in its totality I saw a picture of me that had passed through a prism. This spectral me was kind of interesting, a pretty good read, but ultimately unsatisfying. I decided to close the blog.
I did enjoy blogging. I enjoy writing. I love writing fiction, and I have the rejection letters to prove it. I'm proud to say that I have been personally rejected by some of the best in the business. But blogging, a more pure for of self-expression, has its own charms. I think that I want to blog on a single topic now. I can keep more that one blog going, each focused on a topic, each a lot more coherent and therefore readable than my last blog. I've decided to blog about my sex life (or lack of one) here at AdultFriendFinder.
Why here? I think AdultFriendFinder can act as something of a filter for potential readers. If you are here, reading this, then you are almost certainly interested in sex. You are probably "sex positive." You may even be looking for someone like me. Who knows?
Each journey begins with a first step, so here goes. I am in a committed relationship. We have been together for years, and we are going to be together for many more. There are a lot of things about the relationship that are positive. Sex is not one of them.
She has emotional problems. "Troubled," you might say. Depression. Anxiety. A full baggage cart. That's okay. I'm a patient guy. Relationships are about mutual support. If the burden should happen to be heavier on my side, so be it. But there is one other thing.
She is frigid. Or I should say she has become frigid. It was something that came on a few years into the relationship and has slowly grown to iceberg proportions.
So I'm left with something of a problem. I am a passionate guy. I am a sexual guy. I believe that a good, exciting, interesting, adventurous sex life is a necessary part of being a happy and fulfilled human being.
And I haven't had sex since the Clinton administration.
Life is not exactly going according to plan.
You see where this leaves me. I wouldn't hurt her for the world. I would sooner bear the burden of pain than see her in pain. Right now, I am in pain.
I've decided that I should try to do something about it. I'm sticking my head out of the cave for the first time in a while and seeing what there is to see. I'm reaching out, looking to see if anyone is reaching my way.
If you've read this far you are probably a little interested in what I'm saying here. Maybe you have a thought or two. Do you think I'm doing the wrong thing and I should stick my head back into the cave? Do you like what I've had to say and have some words of encouragement? Are you, perhaps, reaching out too?
8/24/2005 8:45 am
I would never be so presumptuous to give someone I don't know relationship advice. I'm not even sure how willingly I would offer it to someone I do know. Relationships are very personal things, and only those inside know what's really going on (or not going on). So no one could really ever give you advice, as their opinion is not truly informed.|
That said, my initial reaction to your blog is get out, get out, get out.
Obviously you are only presenting one side of the story. Not your fault, you ARE only one side. But anyone who has stuck around that long sex-free must be patient and supportive and, presumably, trying to work things out.
The same should be going on on her side.
Relationships are 2-sided and work when both people are willing to compromise and occasionally sacrifice for the other. Any $5.99 Dr. Phil-type book will tell you that. Some would argue that 2 people are best matched when they are so like-minded that there is no sacrifice. They want just the same things. I myself find that boring and tend to seek out men who are different from me. Sometimes it fails miserably, currently it is working marvelously. But we do compromise.
Sex is definitely an integral part of any happy relationship. Otherwise you have just a friend. I have lots of friends. That's great. My boyfriend is special b/c he knows some of the more intimate details of my life... and he gets to fuck me. That's basically what separates him from the rest.
Some might think it's very noble of you to play the martyr here in order to not further damage the damaged woman. But you'll just end up like her in the end if you don't look after your own mental health.
So my 'advice' would be to not just stick your head out of the cave, come on out. Enjoy the sunshine.