The rules....................  

Catharsis33 44M
81 posts
4/23/2006 2:06 pm
The rules....................

When the wife and I started on AdultFriendFinder we were not sure what we would find. We had both agreed to give swinging a chance and this seemed like the perfect place for it. We quickly learned that just because we set out to start swinging did not mean that we would have a lot of luck at it.

We went through the normal start of having tons of single guys that were supposed to be in town for an hour and wanted to hook up. Sometimes we would find a couple that we liked talking to. We would talk for a month but it always seemed that when it came time to meet they avoided it. Some just stopped talking all together. We did not mind really because we were not going to chase anyone down but it was just frustrating.

When we finally did meet a couple it also seemed to be that she liked him but I did not like her or vice versa. I am sure that it was the same for those couples as well that they might not like Melissa or me. We were on AdultFriendFinder for about 4 or 5 months before we found a couple we both liked and liked us.

Some of the things that came from all the conversations, emails and meeting other were a basic set of simple rules that we went by. These rules are not set in stone and have been added to and altered due to the more experience we got. We usually let people know up front what they are when we meet them or decide to play. I thought I would share these here so maybe a new couple at this could benefit and not make some of the same mistakes we did.

The rules are as follows:

1. The 24 hour rule (Honesty and Communication) - this is the absolute essential element if you are going to survive as swingers or in an open marriage.. Melissa and I used to keep things from each other not to hide so much as not to hurt. We did not want to tell each other how we really felt on something since we knew how much grief it could cause. This caused worse problems down the road when it would all come to a head. Now regardless of what it is we tell each other. Sometimes we still get mad but then we get over it and do not feel we are being misled.

Melissa went to meet the male of the couple once but the female did not know. Melissa told him that he needed to make sure she knew. I am still not sure why he did not tell his wife but she read about it in Melissa's blogs. They both read them and knew Melissa would put something about their meeting. The female of the couple did not have a problem with the two of them meeting as much as she did feeling like he should have told her. We have also had it to where someone did not get the whole story until they read it in a blog.

Some couples insist that they know prior to something happening. This is just too hard for us not to mention if it is something spontaneous you don’t want to stop and say let me call real quick. So we just require telling each other within 24 hours of it happening.

2. No play with the kiddos around ‒ this one needs no explanation

3. Don’t know then don’t play - We do not play with a married person if their spouse does not know. I can not tell you how many times a male or female has asked us to play only to find out they are married and their spouse does not know. We are not here to help a person cheat on their spouse.

This is the one rule we have come closest to breaking a few times but always stop before it goes too far. It sucks because there are some out there we are really attracted to but any way you try and justify it, it is still just not right.

4. Respect for rules- We always respect not only the rules we have but of those of others.

Some we have found that they have some very strict rules but we follow them just the same. Well I take that back there was one couple that we almost did something with but their rules was so strict we thought well what is the point and did not pursue it. Basically they wanted us to not touch or look at all and not speak to each other in public. If there was to be any sexual activity then we were all to wrap up in cellophane, stand across the room from each other and pretend we were doing it with out actually doing it?!? No thanks.

5. No kiss and tell ‒ We do not discuss other couples or singles with other couples and singles.

Everyone on this site we deal with requires discretion. Just because we don’t click with a couple or a single person does not mean others won’t. Once we get to a point we know a couple really well we always ask that couple if they would be alright meeting another. Then with permission from both sides we get together. We expect the same for us.

There is one exception to this rule. If we meet someone and they are in the dangerous category then we might warn a friend about them but only to tell them why we think they were dangerous. Dangerous to us are drug users or stalkers.

6. Break time - If one of us says no or it is time to stop and take a break then that is it, we stop.

Regardless of how long someone has been swinging there are still those instances of insecurity or even jealousy that creep up. When that happens we just have to talk it out. If it is so severe that it can not be talked out over the course of a day or two then it is time stop playing with others and refocus on one another.

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