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pointless and sick
pointless and sick
I would say that most of the time, even the most depressed person can find one thing about them that is a good thing. What I mean is that it is normal to see there is some benefit at all to being you--one advantage, talent or skill that somebody else may NOT have. When you see a point to your life it is normal of course, but when you find yourself in a situation where you cannot see a point to your existence at all, that is not a good thing. it is not a good thing to see yourself as pointless, and at that point or day when you cannot see any advantage to being you or any point to you at all, you are very low. you are at a place that most people who are depressed never even get to. you are at a place that you know you are not supposed to be, but that knowlege alone can never get you out of it. It is like being on an airplane during a 2 hour flight. One flight attendant whispers into your ear some vital piece of information that no one else (not even the pilate) knows. Something has been altered with the plane. Something was done to the plane before it took off and the plane will not land--it is definitely going to crash in mid air. NOW--while knowing this bit of information, you are absolutely certain that you know it. And even if you told everybody else it wouldn't really matter. The plane is going to crash--period. Nobody up there or even in the control booth on the ground can do anything about it.
Knowlege is futile--there is just the wait. The airplane was just an example. Luckily, with human life there does not necessarily have to be such a devastating end. Regardless, in both cases Knowlege is futile--there is just the wait.
Who knows how long it will last (if there is no devastating end.) Over the years such a circumstance may change or vary so that no one really knows when this feeling might be so extreme or even when it will come along, nor how long it will last.
I was going to say "wish me luck", but anything beyond my control is certainly beyond yours--and it really doesnt matter.
One day it might overwhelm me, but for now i'll just say that I'll see you tomorrow. I promise.