i'm fine with it  

CandyTastesGood 42F
0 posts
7/30/2006 3:04 am

Last Read:
7/30/2006 3:09 am

i'm fine with it

Well, i can say that tonight i can see a change in myself. Im very decent and easygoing kind of girl and usually I go out of my way to make everyone else feel a little better than they did before we met. In other words, i took the time to go out of my way for strangers even. But now I wont be able to, because Im just going to have to start thinking about my life and what I want/need and where im going to go when I get in my car and start driving without looking back.

Now is not a good time for me and I would say that its because I've run out of energy being nice to everybody except me. Yes, i've been planning on leaving this place for a while, but putting others ahead of myself have destroyed my plans (no doubt these people are happy they managed to wreck my life)so im still going to leave--only the situation is a little fucked up cuz i dont have a job and i dont have any plans for anything specific. Sounds kind of weird but I dont care. I see my life going down the drain. I feel embarassed living in my hometown becuase I've done nothing with my life yet. I've learned a lot of stuff but I havent started a career. I've talked to a lot of nice guys but havent gotten married yet. Im in Texas right now and the Air Conditioning just went out on my car. I could go on and on about the little details that make driving out of here make sense --but I dont have to becuase I just told you that I should have never been born, my life is going nowhere, and thats enough of a reason to not care. Thats enough of a reason to wait until it gets a little cooler outside and take off without telling anybody and without really caring where im going. I've done it before, and at 32 years old I'm not past doing it again.

Some problems just cant be fixed. This life is like a car that has been totaled and I keep trying to fix it! That has to be the dumbest thing of all time that I've done. It cant be fixed/altered/buffed up or given a second chance. I cant even re-locate this life. I just have to get rid of it and find another one somewhere - anywhere- it doesnt matter anymore.

and im fine with it-actually relieved

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