HUMOR  

COCKSURE549 77M
6 posts
9/9/2005 8:49 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

HUMOR


DECISIONS, DECISIONS

Old Mr. Johnson was in a terrible accident, and his penis was mangled and torn from his body.
His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the procedure, since it was considered cosmetic surgery.

The doctor said that the cost would be $3500 for "small," $6500 for "medium," and $14,000 for "large."
Mr. Johnson was sure he wanted a "large," but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
Mr. Johnson phoned his wife and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and him looking quite dejected.
"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
Mr. Johnson answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen.
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GROWING WILD
An elderly man really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that.
He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.
A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the penis around with her cane.
Remarking to the other little old lady, she said, "There really is no justice in the world."
The other little old lady asked, "What do you mean by that?"
The first little old lady replied, "Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it.
"Now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."
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Types of Undergarments

A man walked into the ladies' department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquired the man. "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras," she replied. Confused, the man asked what the types were.

The saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, the Presbyterian type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

Still confused, the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple... the Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills."
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