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The Ultimate Taboo
The Ultimate Taboo
Taboo - 1 : a prohibition against touching, saying, or doing something for fear of immediate harm from a supernatural force. 2 a : banned on grounds of morality or taste.
There's a saying in Spanish that goes "Cada cabeza es un mundo", meaning everybody lives life according to their own interpretations of reality. Within the realms of those interpretations, whether instilled in them by nature or nurture, or both; people encompass, practice, and preach their own set of values, morals, and ethics ... and strictly adhere to their "no fly zones".
Being raised Catholic all my life, I was forced to believe that upon birth, I was instantly a sinner. That if I lived a life according to certain rules, customs, traditions, and believed in stories like mortal men parting an entire sea, I'd be accepted into The kingdom where lions cease to be carnivorous and actually sit and play alongside other animals like sheep and humans without scarfing them down in one fell swoop. Here, lemme grab a toothpick for ya there good buddy.
Forget about the fact that dinosaurs ever roamed the Earth at one point, nothing in the bible about that, so it can't be true. Oh oh, and there couldn't possibly be such a thing as an Origin of Life theory on how we possibly couldn't have just evolved into the sophisticated pathetic meaningless Earth destroying creatures that we are. Nah nah, that can't be possible because it is way too LOGICAL and we'd be damned if we believed anything that remotely makes sense ... kind of like coming to the realization that there's really no place to go to after we die - except of course, six feet under, where we check in like Hotel California and reside there permanently. In hindsight however, if you play naughty all your life, you then get to go to a place where there's fire, and evil, and you'll burn and live in agony forever and ever - BUT - HE still loves you!! Ah hah - I'm wit'cha so far! Oh and lest we not forget the gays 'n lesbians; an ever-so increasing percentage of our population who's only goal in life is to secure a genuine loving life-long partner and co-exist peacefully and equally without prejudice amidst the rest of us (ok, so most of them do anyways). Even so, they are the last people on this planet to be considered violent and destructive. But you must still rule them out from being on the guest list for Big Dawg's eternal house party because they too - the law abiding, commandment following, good Samaritan, meat popsicle sucking, dirt road travelling, fudge packin, carpet eating, muff diving, dildo fucking sons and daughters of God are still considered sinners because of their biologically born sexual preference! My friends, if you truly believe this rigamarole, I've got a bridge to sell ya.
So! getting back on track ... in addition to the sensory deprivation services I attended for ALL sorts of reasons which seemed to last eons, I attended Catholic school from 4th grade, all the way up to and completing high school. What? Did you think that Catholics were the biggest sex freaks for no reason at all?
How many priests have been caught with their hands in the cookie jar .... err, I mean, down some innocent kid's pants???
Well, here's a thought provoking factoid - If it's really taboo; straight up incest to have sex with a close relative, how was it possible for Adam & Eve's children, both siblings to each other, to have reproduced and ultimately be responsible for the creation of mankind as we now know it? See?, and here we ridicule and condemn West Virginians when in reality they've been doing it right all along. Go on with your bad self Mary Lou Retton!!
Ok, so as you ponder on that while chewing on a stick of cinnamon flavored Trident, also know this; I was an Altar Boy for many years. Those poor young souls are the ones responsible for assisting the priest in conducting his service ... well during mass at least. We used to fetch the Body and Blood of Christ, hold up the Holy Bible for him to read, ring the bell when it was dinner time, as well as do a lot of sitting, standing, and kneeling - hmmmmm ... come to think of it, I don't recall being allowed to sit; and pretty much just be there for decorations. Wait wait, hold up
Consume the Body and the Blood of Christ?
Doesn't that seem rather cannibalistic to you? "Alex Trebek, Taboo for $1000 please"
So besides the mandatory Altar Boy masses, I also went to church for regular Sunday masses, plus, holiday masses; (i.e., Christmas, Easter, Lent, etc.) plus special occassion masses; (i.e., weddings, funerals, baptisms, communions, and confirmations), AND had Religion as a subject in school as part of my academic curriculum. Looky here, I was eating, sleeping, and shitting religion. If anyone knew the inside of a church pretty well, it was me. Shit, after a while, I began realizing the best cooz to get were at weddings and funerals. I mean ...
Just take the first three letters in "funerals" and what do you have?
As a natural born Casanova, it's my relentless duty to scout promising sources of tail. I mean, let's face it, it is man's natural instinct to choose the path of least resistance, ay? So like I said, I began to include church as a place to hunt for T 'n A. Wowwie, there were some mighty fine señoritas attending mass too boy! It wasn't long after that where I actually started daydreaming and fantasizing about having sexual relations with chicks I scoped out who sat on pews in front of me as a means to zone out the entire sermon, eulogy, wedding vows ... whatever the fuck.
So to what do I owe the Catholic church - the Priests, the Brothers, the Sisters who smacked the shit out of my hand with a yard stick when I misbehaved, and the Holy Bible for the countless years of brainwashing that took place in my innocent young brain which they happened to do so manipulatively? Thank them for teaching me psychological warfare naturally, and return to my stomping grounds to share with them the fruits of their labor.
So the fantasy goes like this ...
I walk into a Catholic church on a fairly nippy, cloudy 'n breezy day in March. But I don't walk into just any church, its got to be one of those really old churches built by immigrants in the early 1900's like the ones Italians and Latinos built up North made out of concrete, stone, and mortar ... the kind with REAL architecture and no central A/C. Worn down squeaky and chipped pews, visibly aged stained glass windows, ancient looking organ pipes, you know the kind.
Anyway, in I walk with an equally minded sick fuck lady-bird friend of mine - lets say around 2pm on a weekday. The place is dark, cold, and empty, except for a few hunched over blue-haired ladies who are lighting white tea candles by the tabernacle, inserting their hard earned social security money into a donation box, and chanting their endless array of repetitous prayers to some statue skillfully chiseled out of stone, all the while having looks on their faces like they're hoping that statue will miraculously reveal that Saturday's Lotto numbers or something. C'mon ladies, apparitions like that only happen in places like Mexico and Central and South America ... get a grip! So, eerie nevertheless.
Off we go to a dark corner in the back and to the side of the church where we are fairly out of sight. Mind you, this lady-bird friend of mine is wearing a nun's outfit, wearing no underwear underneath at all except for her white stockings.
So she sits on the pew, spread eagle, and I'm in a kneeling position eating out her smoove shaved forbidden meat burger. At the same time, she recites 10 Our Fathers and Hail Mary's on her rosary beads.
We then progress to intercourse, where she kneels on the pew, facing the rear of the church, and I lift her skirt up to reveal a big fat shiny cock hungry ass, where I fuck her from behind and we commence confession. "Bless me Father for I have sinned. It's been ... shit, 17 years since my last confession .... and right here too! Yea, I believe Father John made me confess to you my "dirty habits" - masterbating my at-the-time five inch adoloscent penis. So here I am, currently fucking your spiritually appointed love child up the ass, who solemnly vowed to poverty, obedience, and yes - even chastity in your name.
So we carry on, I grope and devour her voluptuous tits and pour hot candle wax on her nipples from a candle I swiped from one of the blue-haired ladies while she had her head down in deep prayer. Then she straddles me and rides me like I'm some Texan crusading cowboy as she taps her chest with her rosary bead carrying hand saying "por mi culpa, por mi culpa, por mi gran culpa". So we eventually go through several Kama-Sutra positions, including a 69 right on the pew, and finally when I'm about to cum, she gets back down into a kneeling position, and I blast her face with my now sacrificial cum.
After we're all done demonstrating how the not-so Virgin Mary really became preggo, we compose ourselves and proceed to head towards the exit. Right before passing through the door, we turn around and respectfully genuflect at the altar towards the head of the church, then proceed to the foyer area. With my cock still gooey from Sister Marie's forbidden cunt juice, I dip my cock 'n balls into the marble reservoir filled with holy water, and give my Peter and Gonads a good spiritual cleansing - sorta like the way you do in a motel bathroom sink after fucking a chickenhead before heading on home to monster wife. Lastly, we go outside and stand on the steps of the entrance while the still dripping cum drenched face of Sister Marie waives at passer-bys and yells "God Bless You".
we wait a few moments for a couple of thunderbolt strikes ...
...nothing, coast is clear. So we high-five each other and plan the church we're gonna hit next.
Alright alright, so my fantasy doesn't really transpire like that. I mean, who can really concentrate that much to recite prayers while you're getting the life fucked out of you by a big fat juicy latino cock? I mean, isn't it bad enough we already use his name in vain when you feel a good O' coming on and all you keep yelling at the top of your lungs is "Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God - I'm gonna cum!" Lemme ask you something, what do God, .... and cumming .... have anything to do with each other?
Ahhhh, I suppose it goes back to that whole Adam 'n Eve theory again, I see. Well there goes a revelation! The church was right ALL this time when they considered us to be all brothers and sisters!!!
Alright, so to those religious types whom I've managed to offend and are revolted by now (heh, if you've even made it this far), lets take a look at this from a big picture perspective.
The truth is, more heinous crimes have been committed in the name of religion than all other acts of crimes combined. One only need take a quick trip down memory lane to September of 2001 to realize the severity of this grim reality.
So my logical reasoning? Make love, not war. And what better place to demonstrate that than in the house of God. I'm not saying to stop believing and practicing your religion, I'm just saying .... if you happen to see us bumping uglies in your church one day, just pump your arm like Arsenio Hall used to do and give us a silent cheer.
Ohhhhhh wight, so perhaps I'm showing a bit of my cynicism, and twisted humor, but if push comes to shove, would I really be physically hurting anyone? Nah, I'd just be giving the supernatural first dibbs, front row seats to a live porn flick. And how much more of a good Samaritan can you be than that? Helping them blue-haired ladies cross the street was never THIS much fun!
Ahhh, sex in a church. Yes siree compadres, in the infamous words of Billy Idol, "I'd rather laugh with the sinners, than cry with the Saints".
Believe it or not - Did you know that McDonald's REAL agenda for being in business is for acquiring real estate (land) and NOT food sales and distribution? As an entity, they own the most land throughout the world. So secondary to the golden arches, guess who owns the most land in this country? Churches - they're tax exempt!
Believe it or Not? - Believe it!
10/10/2005 8:49 am
Ayayay!!! Papa!! I must say I found myself sitting here with my mouth hanging open (literally) at times!!! But, also chuckling at some of your references...but what can I say? I was not as far "into" into the church as you were and I agree with most if not all of what you say. Believe it enough to "confess" to you that I've never done "confession".|
I always thought, "why should I confess my "sins" to some other "human being" who is capable of sinning as I am?"
Meet you at the curch, but hey...NO nun "get up" - ok?