According to maverick1255, my Cake Personality reveals:
"Lemon Meringue - Smooth, sexy and articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends."
Scarily accurate, apart from the fact that I'd never try and chew gum any time, let alone while doing something else. I'm so poor at multi-tasking, you know, that I forget to talk during phone sex if my hands are busy....
Now, before that distracts you completely, don't forget to check out my blog (especially those filthy, filthy stories ) ...
Oh, and if you're thinking about sex, please read Just fucking fuck me, already.. It encapsulates my thoughts and wishes very clearly.
This is a drama-free zone. Fakes, multiprofilers and people who write nasty comments about other people will not find a forum here.
Jun 7, 2008 9:06 am Mood: Dropping bricksized hints, 644 Views
Of course, there are those who might think I'm only writing this in advance of my upcoming date with an Adult FriendFinder friend...
I love a man who...
... remembers my dislike of chewing gum and jewellery and avoids traumatising me
... is confident about meeting me. Nothing more offputting than a guy who is scared from the start. I don't bite - unless he asks nicely
... takes control in the bedroom, moving me into position, helping himself to my toys if he wants to, treating me (kindly!) as a sex object etc. It's that "I'm good at this baby, and you're really going to enjoy the ride" attitude which makes me weak at the knees
... teases me with his touch and stays away from my clitoris however much I beg for it for as long as possible. Oh, and if he doesn't like a pussy au naturel, makes me lie back while he (oh so slowly and carefully) shaves me.
... has a really filthy mouth on him in the bedroom
... knows to pay as much attention to my shy right nipple as to my perky left one (if he gets the shy one to stay proud while I'm on my back, that's a bingo!)
... loves arses, especially Rubenesque ones (because it's too late to exchange mine at this stage!)
... really, genuinely loves going down and doesn't rush it, just to get to his turn. And if he'll go down on my arse as well, well oh bliss. And I need him to like fondling tits, love kissing... Oh damn it, I just need him to like being physical in general...
Hmmmm, I did tell him only to expect dinner, because I'm trying to wean myself off shagging on a first date. But, given all the above, I think he'll probably come prepared
Jun 7, 2008 4:43 am Mood: Slightly puzzled, 550 Views
So, I posted a comment on someone's blog. She then e-mailed me privately and sent me a network invite as she apparently closes her blog to her friends shortly after the posts go live.
In her mail, she told me she had given me kudos and said she needed kudos in the following areas...
I e-mailed back and said I did not know anything about kudos, to which she immediately replied with a "lil tutorial" she had prepared on the subject. She told me how much to give and to what categories, while she was at it.
Now is it just me that finds this conversation a bit weird? I mean, do other people give kudos out and then explain where they would like to receive them in reply (I guess I'm supposed to reciprocate)?
And what's the point of the damn things anyway? Is it just another of those fake popularity things that Adult FriendFinder likes to sucker the insecure into?
The Eroscillator arrived this morning (along with a freebie apparently worth £30 - a bright pink silicone vibe. Certainly doesn't blend into the background. Anyone want it? I have enough). It isn't gold coloured, but a kind of bronze. Very strange.
Earlier this evening, while the boys were engrossed in a film, I decided to go and try it out, so here are a few thoughts...
It's a much better size of unit than my Hitachi Magic Wand, and the cable is a very generous length - so much so, that I could plug it into the mains in my bedroom and run it past the locked ensuite door, to use in my bathroom. Impressive maneuverability.
The main unit does look for all the world like a bronze coloured electric toothbrush. There are 5 separate heads, which simply click into place, some of which have both a front and a back setting.
I tried 3 of them (one of which also goes in the arse, which I obviously had to try ), but in all honesty my general lack of feeling down there meant I couldn't really tell much difference. Though the concave spoon one did indeed work very well on my nipples, even the inverted one
One thing that is a definite plus, apart from the maneuverability is how damn quiet it is. Really, I could have carried on a conversation with a child through the bathroom door without having to turn it off, I reckon. Lack of noise on sex toys is a big advantage as far as I'm concerned.
Oh, and the orgasm was not especially quick in coming, but it was pretty intense when it did get here.
In reality, I'd have to say, it's not that different from the movement of a vibrator, except more gentle, which does really suit me. Though whether it is worth the £120 it cost, I'd doubt - a tingle tip for my real toothbrush would have achieved the same results at a fraction of the cost.
We went to Windlesham House today, met the headmaster, lots of teachers and a fair few pupils, and all is now set for the boys to start there from September.
Bill will board full time and Ted will board weekly until such time as he wants to go full time.
Am happy again. Tomorrow I'll be writing to the chair of the governors at Northbourne Park to share my views with them as to our treatment by the outgoing head....
Jun 4, 2008 3:32 pm Mood: Cash depleted, 617 Views
And tonight, I decided to splash out, before school fees stop me from doing so (by the way, BiandRandy, that opening conjunction was specially for you!).
I bought two things, actually. One was a PussyPump - ironically, the thing which persuaded me was LibraLizzy's post about her friend who bought one, pumped too hard and then couldn't get it off! I guess the humorous aspect won out.
But, seriously, I have friends who are into cupping and syringes (I know, this is probably like a foreign language to some of my readers), and I thought the PussyPump seemed like a less extreme version.
But the thing I threw oodles of cash at was the fabulously-named Eroscillator, endorsed by none other than Dr Ruth (seriously? Is she still alive? She was about 450 when I last saw her), and a picture of it should hopefully accompany this post.
It's not a vibrator, because it oscillates rather than vibrates. Apparently, I should think more of a loving finger than a jackrabbit. Which suits me fine, as I do indeed find vibrators a bit numbing.
It can be used either clitorally or vaginally, and is mains powered like my magic wand. Unlike the magic wand, it has a reasonable (10ft+ ) cord length - my main objection to that toy is the relative lack of manoeverabilty (and yes I know I could add an extension cord, but it really reduces the sex appeal aspect - I feel like I'm playing with a power drill).
But it was the personal reviews, especially from women who have difficulty reaching orgasm, that sold it to me.
When it arrives, I'll let you know how I got on.....
The word is tongue, people. Not tung, toung, tonge or any other such variation.
If you want to use it, for God's sake at least be able to spell it!
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People whose command of written English is based on what they hear, and they don't seem to hear too good. Examples would be would of instead of would have (I can't begin to explain the perfect tense here), down word instead of downward and many other examples that will come to me the minute I press submit.
I'm not talking about foreigners speaking English as a foreign language here. I'm talking about people who are basically illiterate. What the fuck do they teach in schools these days? How does anybody get a job? (I am renowned in my own business for being a grammatical nazi!)
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AN ENTIRE BLOG POST IN CAPITALS. Don't shout! The quickest way to make me back out of there.
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A blog post with no paragraph breaks, each sentence remorselessly running on from the last one ad nauseam. I can't even type an example without breaking out into a sweat. Trust me, no paragraph breaks makes it really hard to read.
So 90% of the time I won't bother.
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Incorrect use of apostrophes. This one slays me (or do I mean slay's me? ).
No, people, apostrophes don't go anywhere near a verb or a plural (although an exception is sometimes made for the plural of foreign words ending in a vowel). Just cut that nonsense out!
It is very simple. Generally speaking, the apostrophe represents missing letters in a word: I'm = I am, he's = he is, who's = who is (not fucking of whom!). It's a simple enough rule to remember.
The other main use for the apostrophe is in the genitive: where it means of something. Such as Mandy's hat, elephant's trunk, Gravity's Rainbow.
But with one big proviso: it's means it is or it has but NOT of it, which is written its. God knows why. Even I don't! I'm only telling you all this in the interests of full disclosure, otherwise one of those clever dicks will write a comment about it...
What makes you think I've been sitting up late wading through shite shite shite blog posts tonight???
Thanks to LouandAl for passing on this one. It reminds me of another parrot joke which I might post soon as well.
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, and philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $20,000 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"
Ummm, I don't know if I'm getting old or something, but I've discovered my interest in sex is much higher when I have nothing much else on my plate.
When I have other interests in mind (like my new business venture, the new school the boys will be going to etc), I don't even bother to wank much.
In fact, a couple of times this week, I've woken up with the distinct memory of thinking about falling asleep in my preferred FWB's arms where nothing like sex has even occurred. We've just been doing honest to goodness bonding and feeling the love (admittedly this tends to involve me getting my tits felt up as well, so I'm guessing - in the real situation - sex would have happened sometime after that point ).
So, I guess my theory is that Adult FriendFinder just feeds my boredom and if I went cold turkey and got busy elsewhere, I wouldn't think about sex half so much.
May 28, 2008 3:02 pm Mood: Vacationing -ish, 621 Views
Just a little post to let you know I'm not likely to be on here for a while. I have a new business venture starting up, so I'm likely to be occupied elsewhere for a week or two.
I won't be offline, so if you're one of my mobile, hotmail or facebook friends, you know where to find me.
) ...
