According to maverick1255, my Cake Personality reveals:
"Lemon Meringue - Smooth, sexy and articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends."
Scarily accurate, apart from the fact that I'd never try and chew gum any time, let alone while doing something else. I'm so poor at multi-tasking, you know, that I forget to talk during phone sex if my hands are busy....
Now, before that distracts you completely, don't forget to check out my blog (especially those filthy, filthy stories ) ...
Oh, and if you're thinking about sex, please read Just fucking fuck me, already.. It encapsulates my thoughts and wishes very clearly.
This is a drama-free zone. Fakes, multiprofilers and people who write nasty comments about other people will not find a forum here.
While I'm here in France, I'm dialling on using a French ISP.
What fascinates me is that all the opening pictures on the home page are either of single women looking sultry, or of mixed sex couples.
There aren't any same sex couple on there at all, but when I'm in the UK there is at least one picture of two men, maybe two (my memory is pretty poor these days).
Don't they have same sex couples in France, or do they think everyone else on a sex site will be put off by them? Does it threaten the sexuality of red-blooded heterosexual males to see such a picture, to the extent that it might put them off joining?
And what about the home page pictures in the country where you log on? I'm giggling to myself at the thought that maybe all you see if you log on in the San Francisco area is same sex couples, except for maybe the odd hetero couple added in for a bit of balance.
And I'm gutted the girl picture on the home page has changed. Although the girl in the camisole looking over her shoulder is very cute, I loved the girl in the black bikini: she looks exactly like my best friend, big tits and arch look included (bet you guys wish you had a best friend like her ). Mind you, if it were her, they did a lot of airbrushing around the midriff, because I know she looks like I do down there, all saggy!
Guys, you really ought to ensure you are fully versed in a few variations. Please check out [post 429516] and refer back to me when you've learned everything you need to know about choking the chicken!
Update 26/10/06: I guess the original post must have been deleted
OK, personally I like the phrase having a wank - it's straightforward and contains the right degree of smut as far as I'm concerned.
But when I write my fiction, I want to use other terms, to vary things a bit - textual variety, change of mood etc etc.
Now, I really, really dislike schoolboy euphemisms like bashing the bishop, Widow Palmer and her five daughters (unless meant in a jokey context) and charming the one-eyed trouser snake. I'm sure you can think of 5,000 others without even breaking a sweat. You know the kind of stuff I mean. Puerile stuff, not sexy at all.
No, I want to know what descriptive terms you use instead of having a wank (see how I repeated it sneakily, because I love it so much!).
I can think of three off the top of my head:
Rubbing your cock - all very well, but it doesn't half bring up an image of housework and dusting to my mind. Rubbing doesn't seem to be exactly the right word for what your hand is actually doing, somehow.
Stroking your cock - this one makes me think of pets rather than masturbation! Stroking is done with the hand flat, fingers outstretched, as far as I recall. Again, very much not what you're doing when you've got a grip on your nethers.
Pumping your cock - I'm not even sure this is a real one. I might have just made it up while searching for the right term to use. I mean pumping is the closest of these three verbs to the fistlike action of your hand around your cock. And pumping always implies a build up of pressure, with an explosion of some sort at the end. So, analogy-wise, it is by far the closest of the three. But, as I said, maybe no- one ever uses this term.
So, guys, in summary - what term would you use instead of having a wank (you know, mentioning something three times is like an ancient magic spell: bet half of you are pavlovically [???] doomed to give yourselves some form of physical relief after reading this)?
Please don't offer me the clinical masturbation. I want something that's going to make my nipples stand up to attention and say fuck - yessss!
FEMALE POEM I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long. One who thinks before he speaks One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I want him to be gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, be not annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind And knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I want this man to love me to no end, And always be my very best friend.
MALE POEM I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat. I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
How about this, then, guys and girls: tell me the best profile pics on this site in your opinion.
I know I'm always pimping Mav (he's probably scared to death I have a thing for him, which I actually don't, though I think he's dead cute), but I do love his picture. Cheeky, gives you an idea what he looks like, without giving too much away. I often think about being the bed sheet underneath him.
And earthShiva's picture is also really cool. Just like the guy himself comes over on his blog. Again, you feel like you can almost see him, but you can't quite.
And finally, my new favourite . Nice eyes. At least, I think they are. They may also be stalker's eyes. The jury's still out on that! Maybe I'm just being kind because I love his blog so much. Whaddya think - nice or stalkerish??
I used to love heartlessbitch69's pictures as well - both the eyes one and the bust one. But I can't show you those now, as she's now left.
So, what about you. Which pictures do you find really attractive and maybe mysterious on Adult FriendFinder? Spill all for me. You know I love it.
I find this a fascinating exercise. If you look to the right of the blog you are in, you can see the last 10 visitors listed. The makeup of those visitors is quite interesting (OK, so I'm an anorak, don't rub it in).
On my blog, just at the moment, for example, the last 10 visitors are: 8 males, 1 couple and 1 female.
When I go to maverick1255, the makeup is always heavily weighted towards women. One time I was there, the last 10 visitors were all women. And if there's a lonely male there, it is usually magahee77. Honestly, he'll do anything to get with the chicks, even haunt Mav's blog!!
So, what are the visitors to your blog like: do you attract males, females, couples, or an even mix?
This is by far the funniest blog I've read on this site, so I'm drawing it to your attention, dear readers: NakedLnch.
I have no idea why he doesn't have many comments relative to the number of blog views (unless he's like me and keeps going back to revisit his own blogs, thereby fucking with his viewing figures).
Maybe everyone is too busy laughing out loud to type. Certainly I nearly choked on what I was eating a few times. The screen of my laptop is totally splattered with slurps of tea and bits of biscuit at the moment. Need to clean it off.
Had nearly three hours of the most fun sex I've had in ages (OK, since last Wednesday) this morning, and it was fantastic. I spent ages right on the verge of coming, but somehow it never quite happened.
Grrrrrrr! Really frustrating, because I'm sure he must think I didn't enjoy it enough, which wasn't the case at all. I mean, I know I gave the impression of enjoying it, but he must be wondering why.
It's not that I can't come quickly - have done so in less than a minute before now, although not yet with him.
I do know one reason why: I was right on the edge, but the bed was creaking and moving very alarmingly, so we became suddenly aware of it, and were concerned that it might actually collapse. And the moment slipped by - transfer to the floor interrupted the flow, as it were.
And the other reason, I am convinced, is because he won't come until I have. God knows how he does this, but there doesn't seem to be any hurry from his point of view. Which is really great, but I do think it adds to the pressure - "oh God, why haven't I come? Will he keep going for ever and ever?" etc etc.
So, M, when I tell you to let go and come, don't just smile smugly and say you're waiting for me - just let go and come, and I'll probably tip over with you! Dammit.
Well, I'm pleased to say that I was complimented on my - ah - skills in this department yesterday, and it got me thinking...
What makes a blowjob a good blowjob?
I mean, I just open my mouth and enjoy it, I have to say. No particular technique in mind, at least not that I'm aware of.
One of my female friends tells me that she thinks what makes a blowjob memorable for the blokes is when you really enjoy giving it. Maybe that's where my secret lies. Because, as yesterday's recipient knows, I really do enjoy going down. Once I've had my lips round the big guy, well, you're going to have to fight me off, particularly if he's already been between my thighs. If you want to, of course.
But maybe that's a load of bollocks, and you guys are more interested in technique than in enthusiasm. What do you say?
Are you going to tell us girls? You know we're gagging for it...
Further to Too timid to tell me your fantasies? , I must warn you that I'm about out of ready-finished Mandy and Richard stories. More of these, and of other stories, will be written and posted in due course, but please don't expect a new story every day.
I'm in the middle of writing a camping story which is in response to the comments on Too timid to tell me your fantasies?, and then I'll move on to the threesome one. Don't think I'll be attempting the S&M blockbuster also mentioned in the comments - too ambitious for me, and not my area of expertise.
But please do contact me if you have any ideas for a story, otherwise I'm just going to be reduced to stealing the basic framework for your fantasies from your profile comments. Looks like Mav's Hawaiian hut might feature sometime soon....
You can contact me either by e-mail or by comment on this blog, as you prefer.
It was crowded at the bar, as Mandy moved forwards to get herself a fresh drink. Another girl touched her arm and leaned forwards to shout into her ear above the music.
“Hi there – it’s Mandy, isn’t it?” she nodded in reply, failing to fit a name to the Australian accent. “Michaela. I work for Richard. Is he here?” Mandy nodded over to the other side of the room. Michaela followed with her eyes but shook her head, unable to see him.
“See the curly-haired blonde snogging in the corner?” Michaela nodded. “Trust me, those are Richard’s hands up her skirt, flashing her bum to the world”. She grinned as she took her drink and signalled for Michaela to follow her back to the table.
“Now I’m well pissed off”, harrumphed the Australian as she flopped in the chair. Mandy looked questioningly at her as she took a sip.
“Well, if Richard’s unavailable because he’s being faithful to you, that’s cool. But to know he’s turned me down when you guys clearly have an open relationship, I’ve got to admit, that does nothing for my pride”. Michaela certainly did look seriously pissed off.
“Don’t take it personally. He never gets it on with anyone from the office. Too complicated. It’s not a statement on whether or not he thinks you’re hot”. She looked Michaela over appraisingly. “I’m sure you’d be in his hot category”.
She paused to take another drink. “You’d be in mine, anyway”.
“Cheers for the ego-boost, mate”. Michaela raised her glass in a toast. “I’ll drink to that”. She leaned forward conspiratorially. “So, do you have rules about getting involved with anyone from Richard’s office?” Mandy shook her head with a grin. She’d been thinking about finding a man later, but was open to other offers.
They enjoyed the rest of the evening, drinking, talking and flirting with the various guys who landed at their table in search of a dance. Most of the time they chose to dance with each other, each taking turns to wiggle her bottom provocatively into the other’s groin, enjoying the intrigued reaction from the men milling around them.
The music suddenly changed from a crowd anthem to a slow dance. Michaela twirled round towards Mandy and put her arms around her neck. “Wanna smooch?”
“Mmmm, that would be nice”. She put her hands on Michaela’s hips and stroked her buttocks gently, fingers not quite reaching up between Michaela’s legs, but so invitingly close. Nice arse, nice body in general. Michaela rested her head on Mandy’s neck, occasionally kissing it lightly, sometimes just touching the tip of her tongue to Mandy’s skin. The sensation was delicious. Mandy could hardly breathe.
A few moments later, she flicked her tongue into the other girl’s ear, moving her hands around and up under her t-shirt, lightly brushing Michaela’s erect nipples with both thumbs. Michaela groaned quietly into her neck. “Fuck, that’s good”.
Suddenly, she moved her hands up to twist her fingers into Mandy’s hair and French-kissed her urgently, right there in the middle of the dance floor.
One hand cupping a breast under the t-shirt, Mandy’s other hand pushed into the small of Michaela’s back, pulling them closer together as they kissed, the touch of their tongues creating sparks of electricity, liquefying them both between the legs. Mandy was desperate to feel Michaela’s mouth exploring her body.
She pulled away and grabbed Michaela by the wrist. “We’ve got to go. I want to have you”, she muttered thickly. They fled for the entrance, breathlessly waving down a black cab. All the way home, they kissed and fondled each other, pulling up t-shirts to caress and kiss each other’s breasts.
Only her fear that the taxi driver might crash his cab in excitement stopped Mandy from pulling off Michaela’s panties and going down on her there and then. Instead, she whispered in her ear all the things she was going to do to her once they got past the front door, as they groped and groaned on the back seat of the cab. The excitement was unbearable.
The driver waved away Michaela’s money. “Girls, I feel I should be paying you for that level of entertainment. You’ve made my night. I can see you can’t hardly keep your hands off each other, so get yourselves indoors and get down to something really dirty”, and off he drove, leaving them giggling at the door as Mandy tried to open up. As she fumbled with the key, Michaela reached up from behind her, rubbing her tits and kissing all the way down her spine.
“I’m going to rub my soaking wet panties in your face when we get in, so you can see how wet you’ve got me”, she murmured provocatively.
“Shut the fuck up, I can’t get this door open!” Mandy stamped her foot in frustration, and suddenly the key slipped in. The two of them fell through the door and slammed it shut behind them.
True to her word, Michaela was out of her underwear in a flash, holding it right up at Mandy’s face. “Taste it, baby, then come down and lap it up from the source”. Mandy obediently flicked her tongue over the fabric, all the while grinning at Michaela, then flung the pants over her shoulder.
“Not good enough. I want the real thing”, and she dragged the other girl onto the couch in the living room, peeling off her clothes as they went. Laid on her back, wearing nothing but her stockings and high heels, one leg flung over the back of the sofa, Mandy gazed down on Michaela’s flushed and throbbing pussy.
Using her thumbs to part Michaela’s lips, she plunged her tongue inside her pussy and then out again, to flick it around her clitoris, again and again. Michaela groaned and shifted position so Mandy could get better access. Then Mandy knocked her legs off the couch onto the floor, and pushed her over onto her front, so she was kneeling at the sofa.
Again using her thumbs, she parted the buttock cheeks and ran her tongue down the Australian girl’s arse, stopping awhile to tongue her hole, before flicking her pointed tongue back upwards. She felt a shudder from the other woman and grinned – she knew exactly how good that felt! She felt wetter than ever between her legs.
“Mandy, mate” panted Michaela, “this isn’t right. It’s not what I want at all”. Mandy looked up in surprise – it had seemed to her this was exactly what Michaela had been wanting all night.
Michaela winked and grinned. “It’s not what I want at all – I want to be sucking you off, girl, not the other way round. Well, okay” she added, “not that I mind you doing me, but I want in on the action as well.” And she rearranged them so they could both lick and kiss and suck to their hearts’ content, rolling around on the floor.
Which was exactly how Richard found them when he walked in some time later. He grinned as he sat down to enjoy the floor show, but his smile faltered a few moments later when he saw who Mandy was writhing around with.
“Hi Rich,” waved Michaela, extracting her face from Mandy’s pussy. “Don’t worry – I know you have rules about not fraternising with the staff.” She grinned. “I have a plan – can you get me a piece of paper and a pen?” and she promptly disappeared back to run her tongue along Mandy’s rear, causing her to moan loudly.
When Richard returned, Michaela was on all fours, with Mandy on the floor beneath her pussy, gripping her buttocks as she licked her out. Michaela took the pen and paper from Richard and unsteadily began to write. He read it upside down.
Dear All
Have decided I can’t stand it any longer and am going to waitress for a few weeks before I go back to Oz at the end of next month. Send my money on when you can.
Luv Michaela
She flung pen and paper back at him as her eyes began to glaze over. She was clearly on the verge of exploding. “Take it to the office for me on Monday, will you, Rich?” He nodded with a smile as she started to grunt and push her hips down into Mandy’s face. “Ah, fuck, Mandy, that’s good … ohh just there … aaaaaahhhhh!”
A few seconds later, she rolled over onto her side and then suddenly looked up at Richard. “Stop grinning over there and get yer kit off, mate. You’re not my boss any more, and you’re next for the Michaela special”. He was more than happy to oblige.
Sometimes, losing a member of staff can be a pretty positive step, and this was clearly one of those times.
I've got to say, I don't have a web cam (and never would), and find watching a guy jack off to be fairly boring. I did it once and was really tempted to finish with "well, me, Rob, Pete and all the guys at the Bull's Head pub would like to thank you for the fine display you put on". But I resisted!
I only once had cyber sex which led on to phone sex. He was mindblowingly good at it (I can't multi-task, so luckily I'd picked someone who was a talker, while I masturbated). I daren't try it again, because I know he set the bar so high, the next time would be a disappointment. Fuck, I'll probably get a shiver from almost incomprehensible Irish accents for the rest of my life.
As for cybersex itself, I have a few rules: no phone, no cam, no names.
I spent a couple of weeks hopping round the sex chat forums chatting to anyone and everyone. Sometimes two or three guys in a row. I don't masturbate while I'm chatting, though they apparently do. I like to save it up for later, when I can replay it in my head.
Sometimes, if the session was really hot, I save the transcript of the conversation. But that doesn't happen very often - most guys seem to think their input can be limited to "oooh", "hot", "nice" and "I'm...cumming".
Now I don't mind, really, because I get off on what I type (ego maniac that I am), and I really get off on the idea that I'm getting some guy worked up at the other end. But it's pretty lazy on their part.
I love the fact that cybersex is truly anonymous. If I never get laid again, I can still be doing this at 70, pretending I'm 40 and hot. I got chatting to one of the younger guys one day about this, after we'd finished. He said "Well, you might be 70 now, but you still made me come twice" (hey, the advantages of being 20!). That's such an ego boost.
I never ever meet up with someone I have had cybersex with. It has so much potential for disaster. The fantasy is so much better than reality.
In fact, around 2 months ago, I stumbled across a young guy in Australia who is remarkably good at cybersex. He really gets into the whole role play, right down to the detail of who is wearing what, and what's going on around it. It is like being there. For him, it is bizarre, because his analytical tendencies are precisely what makes it so hard for him to attract female interest in real life.
All I can say is: girls, if he is one tenth as good in reality as he is in cyber sex, you have no idea what you are missing. And I'm glad about that, because that makes him mine, all mine. Ha ha ha.
I don't bother looking for anyone else to chat to now, because he's the best. And I save a lot of the transcripts of our conversations. Steamingly hot, and incredibly kinky.
And because he is so far away, there is zero risk of either of us turning up on each other's doorstep one day. That's what makes a perfect cybersex partner.
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