According to maverick1255, my Cake Personality reveals:
"Lemon Meringue - Smooth, sexy and articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends."
Scarily accurate, apart from the fact that I'd never try and chew gum any time, let alone while doing something else. I'm so poor at multi-tasking, you know, that I forget to talk during phone sex if my hands are busy....
Now, before that distracts you completely, don't forget to check out my blog (especially those filthy, filthy stories ) ...
Oh, and if you're thinking about sex, please read Just fucking fuck me, already.. It encapsulates my thoughts and wishes very clearly.
This is a drama-free zone. Fakes, multiprofilers and people who write nasty comments about other people will not find a forum here.
If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with triumph and disaster And treat those two imposters just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch; If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run - Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
Why am I repeating these famous words to you, and telling you they apply to women just as much as men?
I'll tell you why.
I have met some Men in my time, and I was married for 15 years to the best of them.
No, he wasn't the fittest guy on earth. He didn't go to the gym. He wasn't the pub-going type, except in a general sociability sense. He didn't even lose his virginity until he was 28. He didn't court popularity, but he was loved by many, many people, and rightly so. They proved that when they turned up at his funeral en masse.
They and I loved him for these qualities -
He always told the truth
He was always honorable and reliable in his behaviour
He was always respectful of me (and indeed of everyone)
He was always supportive of me, even when he didn't agree with me
He always put his family first (he even chose to come home and die more quickly, when his terminal cancer was diagnosed, to minimise the stress on the family)
He was always communicative
Forget your guys with the washboard stomachs, the flash cars, the hordes of eager sycophants. You can definitely forget those who are proud of getting it up two, three or even more times a night.
They are not Men. They are boys. I will only admit them to Real Man status when they prove their credentials according to the above list.
Accord us respect. Communicate with us. Play fair.
Incidentally, both my FWBs are Men, and many of my blog friends - male and female - are as well. But there's definitely one boy among my regular readers, and he knows it. Sadly, there is no mood option for "disdainful", or I'd have used it.
Today, I arranged to have a coffee date at my "local" (the Hilton, as those who have met me will know). As I now home educate my children, it is not so easy to arrange hookups with people - the main downside of our new arrangement.
Anyway, the plan was that the boys would go swimming, while I had coffee with my date. My older boy quizzed me keenly about the person I was meeting:
Him: So, is it a man or a woman?
Me: Man
Him: Is he your boyfriend?
Me: No
Him: Does he want to be your boyfriend? (very perceptive, my son)
Me: Possibly he does, but it's unlikely to happen. Unless he turns out to be David Tennant, John Barrowman or Johnny Depp
Anyway, we got to the hotel, the boys went in the pool and I sat in the entrance area nearby, reading my book and trying not to look too edgy every time the door opened.
Then, two things happened.
Firstly, my children got asked to leave the pool because I wasn't in the pool area with them (it didn't occur to anyone to ask them where I was - they assumed I had dropped them off and left. Even I wouldn't do that to a 6 and an 8 year old!).
And secondly, he hadn't arrived by this stage.
So, we sat in the car park debating it for a few minutes. The boys were all for staying another 10 minutes. Though what he'd have said, on being confronted with the MILF and the proof of her MILFdom, I'm not sure!
Anyway, I left a note with the pool staff and we drove home.
Apparently, it had been a disaster at his end as well, and although we'd only missed each other by about 10 minutes, him being probably caught on camera doing 100mph is not a prospect he is looking forward to, as it could get him banned.
Hope it doesn't pan out that way for him. Mind you, I've got to say, surely no woman - however gorgeous and available - is worth that kind of speeding, given the financial as well as safety risks involved??!
PS On the upside, my children are perfectly sanguine about the idea of me having coffee dates with any number of men, apparently. So it's good to know that I don't have to pack them off all the time with some kind of feeble lie.
My older one - problem-solver extraordinaire - even suggested I leave them in a U or PG film at the cinema while I went off on my dates....hmmmmm
I was asked recently whether I thought I was a MILF (mother I'd like to fuck, in case there is anyone on Adult FriendFinder who doesn't know this).
Well, DUHHHHH, yes of course I do! Ego the size of an office block - how could I possibly consider myself anything else?
But, more interesting to me was the fact that surely the person I'm sleeping with doesn't need to ask that question: your MILF or non-MILF status is surely dependent on what they think, not what you think yourself.
Anyway, if anyone would like to stroke my purring ego, please feel free ......
We left the cottage in absolutely torrential rain this morning. I've never been in rain so hard, with thunder and lightning crashing around over our heads. It was like a monsoon storm (or so I believe them to be).
I'm so glad we left the cleaner at the cottage cleaning up and closing up the shuttes etc - that and wheeling the wheely bin to the end of the lane is a really bum job in the best of weather, but in rain like that... I'd have paid her double, if she'd complained. I must arrange this last-minute cleaning as a regular thing.
Anyway, the sun soon came out and we had a lovely trip home.
I was especially gratified on the boat that my boys made me so proud (I know, I know, you're probably all sick of me telling you how bright and cute they are, but tough: another proud mummy moment coming up).
We ate in the posh restaurant, and by way of alternative amusements with us, we had three things: a Young James Bond book, a Nintendo with brain training software on it and a Game Boy with Star Wars on it.
My older boy chose the book. The waitress was astonished that he could read it, since it is clearly aimed at around 12+. He was on page 115, and he'd started the book that morning in the car (I find he doesn't read stuff if I suggest it, but if I casually leave it lying around, his curiosity overcomes him. And he's like me: once the book is open, he will read it to the end as fast as possible).
That left the Nintendo and the Game Boy. The younger boy chose the Nintendo, and proceeded to explain to the astonished waitress that as he no longer went to school, it was important for him to train his brain. Then he sat there and did all the sums. Admittedly, he cheats on the reading section, because it is really hard stuff and his reading is still quite basic, but he'll get there. I've noticed his reading has already improved dramatically since doing the syllable count exercises, which requires him to read short phrases.
So, as I've said, proud mummy that my two weren't sitting there rotting their brains. (Not, I hasten to add, that they are not allowed to do so sometimes - it's my six year old who keeps telling me TV rots the brain).
They kept that for this evening - as soon as we got home, on went the Doctor Who that had been recorded in our absence....
Tomorrow we will be back in the UK and our home education adventure truly begins. Not that the boys realise they've spent all week learning stuff, what with brain training software on the Nintendo and discussing conduction, insulation and a host of other subjects.
Son #1's project this coming week is to find out exactly why you get moisture on the outside of the glass when you pour very cold wine from the fridge into a glass and sit outside in the sun with it. Who says we don't do practical stuff in our science experiments?
He has also been asserting his new child rights today by refusing to get dressed at all until 6pm - he was literally butt naked for the rest of the day, most of it spent on my bed drawing something Doctor Who-related. But hey, I'm a cool mum. I didn't mind.
A few days ago I complained about my dialup here in France being a measly 45.2 kpbs.
I apologise to the gods of dialup speed for complaining. I now realise I should have been offering up prayers for such a fantastic speed.
Apart from the fact that my laptop has kept booting me off the internet this evening (and I mean repeatedly: about once every 5 minutes. I have to type fast!), my dialup speed has been 37.2 kpbs at best.
At one stage, it was showing the incredible 4.8 kpbs.
No, I didn't miss out any digits there. Fewer than 5 kpbs. I didn't even know it existed, even!
Anyway, I'm going to try and post this and see what happens. I'm currently on 28.8 kpbs....
And if you don't know anything about Charles Babbage and his differential engine (close up pictured), I suggest you Google it or go to the London Science Museum...
I was just talking about this subject in an incredibly expensive mobile phone call to Laydee2 this morning (well, as it is a UK phone in France phoning the UK and we talked for about 15 minutes, I'm guessing it will be incredibly expensive).
Isn't it strange how we can fuck or be fucked in every available orifice, and yet saying anything remotely emotional about our feelings is considered far too intimate to share?
Oh, and before any reader starts to wonder whether this is aimed at them, it isn't. I have no fear of sharing my emotions when I need to. I don't go around dropping hints on my blog.
And while I'm here, I've discovered that a woman who finds it hard to give up control in the bedroom really hates going on waterslides. I wonder if these two things are in any way connected?
Today I seem to have spent most of the day texting with someone here who is important to me. The texts were getting longer and longer, till eventually he called me to talk.
Only, I was in the car driving at that stage, with kids earwigging every word (and I'm pretty certain neither of us wanted their input!), so he said he'd call back this evening.
Trouble is, the mobile reception here is shit, shit, shit, and I haven't been able to get a signal for at least an hour.
Ah well, babe, you'll have to e-mail me after all... sorry.
I seem to be accumulating Frequent Blogger points left, right and centre.
Now, of course, I could just take this as a sign that I need to get myself a life (memo to self: get a life). But in the meantime, what am I going to do with all these points?
I could stop blogging and commenting so much, I guess. What do you think? Not that it will get rid of the historic points (unless Adult FriendFinder sneakily removes them, as I gather they do with the hated kudos points).
I think I can upgrade my membership from silver to gold when I hit a certain level, but as silver is perfectly adequate for what I need, that seems a bit pointless. Also, my auto-renew is off and when it runs out in July I'm not sure whether I will renew my membership anyway. Depends on where my life is at that point.
I can also open a private chat room for a month per thousand points, or something. Not that I'd be around for a lot of it, given the travels we'll be doing. But if you guys wanted to hang out there à la Olde Scoobysnax Inn, you'd be more than welcome. (see how I rub it in, mainstexile, that I use correct orthography? )
We might even persuade Laydee2 to clean out the bogs
Anyway, anyone got any thoughts about what I could do with those points? And anyone who suggests shoving them where the sun don't shine will be summarily evicted....
<--- No, not our place in France, but it looks quite similar, so I thought I'd use it as a mood shot
OK, I've come in to blog, but I've just had a contemplative 10 minutes outside with a glass of wine and a fridge, enjoying the brightness of the moon as it glides behind the clouds while the insects chatter away in the dark.
Yes, a fridge, you didn't misread that.
I have a fridge sitting on the patio at the front of the house (we sit out at the front here, not the back, like in England - much more civilised for waving at the passing tractors).
Why? Well, I'm glad you asked. We got here at the end of the last week to find the old one completely mouldy (we haven't been here since last September) and the seal not working fantastically well. Hell, I thought, it's 17 years old. Time to buy a new one.
So we went and bought a new one, which got delivered on Wednesday.
To make room for it, I of course had to move the old fridge out of the way. And the only place for it was outside on the patio. In moving it, I worked out how to fix the seal. Typical!
Well, I had my new fridge on the way, although technically I no longer needed it. But, dammit, I was in the mood for a nice new fridge.
So, what to do with the old one, given that it is clearly functional? I phoned Emmaüs (see, mainstexile, some of us can be bothered to make the effort with orthography), who collect used furniture for needy families.
Well, apparently there is no- one needy enough for a fridge-freezer any time soon. The earliest they could pick it up was 11 July.
But then my cleaner came round, gave the fridge the once-over and said she knew an elderly neighbour who could benefit from it. She'll take it over to him next week when she can borrow a suitable vehicle in which to transport it.
And in the meantime, the fridge and I are sharing quiet romantic evenings staring at the night sky, looking at the stars. Not my top choice of companion, I'll admit, but about the best I can currently achieve. And at least it doesn't argue back, so it is one up on the kids.
I can't imagine what new visitors to this blog will be thinking, as they read my long peroration about a fridge! Of course, the rest of you know a displacement activity when you see one
We went out for dinner this evening to the Chinese in Mamers, which is about 15 minutes away. We're fairly regular customers there, because they don't refuse to serve us at five to 2 when we turn up for a late lunch.
Anyway, we ate there this evening, and when I came back from the loo, I heard the above phrase coming out of my 8 year old's mouth. He had homed in on another table of English visitors to the restaurant and was in the process of explaining to them why I'm now home schooling the two boys.
I suspect that when he initially told them he didn't go to school any more, they obviously gave each other a knowing look, thinking him to be dazed and confused or something. So he decided to put them straight.
It was quite strange watching him explain point by point exactly why I've taken them out of school and what we're going to be doing, with occasional additions provided by the six year old. The four adults were watching them slightly open-mouthed!
I can see it's going to be interesting, with us working our way round Europe (first), while my kids explain to everyone on the way what we're doing and why. And I'm really looking forward to my 8 year old taking on my in laws on this topic!!!!!
Think I might just sit back and enjoy the ride!
Oh, and thanks for the bling, southcoaster. Somehow the squirting one seemed a little too inelegant for me, but this one is really appropriate
May 29, 2007 11:21 am Mood: embarrassed, 802 Views
So, I've had this car for two and a half years almost. It's a Citroen Megane Scenic and we really like it - it was my husband's company car, and we bought it from the company when he died.
But I've never understood how the child locks work. I checked in the book and it said bugger all about them. Sometimes they seem to be on, and sometimes they seem to be off.
I wasn't bothered about it, because my kids have been reliable about not throwing themselves out of moving vehicles since they were about 2 years old anyway. I wanted to know how to operate them so I could turn them off, to be honest.
I resigned myself to thinking they were maybe faulty or something, and thought nothing else of it.
Until today.
We were sitting in the car and the 6 year old wanted to get out of the back.
"Mum, the child lock's on!" he complained. I said I would get out and open his door.
Next thing I know, he has scrambled through from the back, over my seat (and me!), to press the button on my door which enables me to override them opening and closing the back windows.
Apparently, he knew that this also operated the child locks on the doors. How or when he found out, I have no idea, as he's never shared the information with me. No wonder the locks were sometimes on and sometimes off. I was unknowingly operating them the whole time.
So, as I asked at the beginning, how stupid do I feel now???!
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