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I admit, I like to be spanked
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According to maverick1255, my Cake Personality reveals:
"Lemon Meringue - Smooth, sexy and articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends."
Scarily accurate, apart from the fact that I'd never try and chew gum any time, let alone while doing something else. I'm so poor at multi-tasking, you know, that I forget to talk during phone sex if my hands are busy....
Now, before that distracts you completely, don't forget to check out my blog (especially those filthy, filthy stories  ) ...
Oh, and if you're thinking about sex, please read Just fucking fuck me, already.. It encapsulates my thoughts and wishes very clearly.
This is a drama-free zone. Fakes, multiprofilers and people who write nasty comments about other people will not find a forum here.
CB_2
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 Introduction - the sticky stuff for new readers |
Aug 10, 2007 8:06 am
20888 Views | Hi and welcome to my blog. If you want to get to know me, here is the place to do it. I never meet anyone I haven't got to know via their comments on my blog first.
I really enjoy writing erotic fiction, of all sorts, and it is very revealing about what is in my dirty mind. For the full list, click on Summary of fiction on my blog.
Oh, and just to clarify, if you're thinking about meeting up: I don't give a monkey's arse how big your cock is. If you are not just as keen on using your tongue and your fingers, or if you think our only erogenous zones are nipples and pussy, please don't waste your time with me.  Thanks.
CB_2
For the sake of standard members, I shall also post my other profile pictures here:
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66 Comments | |
| They're like buses... |
Aug 7, 2008 5:58 pm
Mood: Glowing rosily, 89 Views | ... You don't see one for ages, and then a whole bunch come along at once!
Well, I wish I'd advertised for a cybersex partner or two before now.
Thanks to T, who was fantastic this evening. And I'm really sorry you ended up wanking in full view of your office staff.  | |
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6 Comments | |
| "That'll do nicely, sir" |
Aug 5, 2008 5:48 pm
Mood: Sated, 277 Views | No, not a credit card tagline.
A thank you to a new cybersex friend who knows who he is.
Mmmm, and he certainly knows what a girl needs. | |
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5 Comments | |
| Sexy fantasy |
Aug 5, 2008 3:24 pm
Mood: Is it me or is it hot in here?, 296 Views | Take you out for the night or taking a nice road trip and unexpectedly pull off to the shoulder of the freeway. Get out of the car and walk around to you. Pull you out. Turn your face up against
the car and bang you from behind. Yeah, I'm pulling your hair.
This was the "favourite fantasy" of someone who commented on one of my posts recently. It may be simple, but it calls out to the sub in me. I just love the casualness of that last sentence. | |
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13 Comments | |
| Cybersex Partner Needed ... Apply Here! |
Aug 5, 2008 9:00 am
Mood: Looking, 364 Views | It currently says on my profile that I already have a really hot cybersex partner.
That isn't true. It used to be, but we drifted apart about 18 months ago or more. He's young and in Australia, and I suspect he might have actually taken my advice and got himself laid or something.
Anyway, there's a slot free (nudge nudge wink wink) for a good cybersex partner.
However, there are various hurdles to overcome, one of which being that I don't have MSN on my Mac. I'm currently limited to the chat facility on face book. Or I suppose it's a feature that probably exists here somewhere. I'll look into it at some point.
The other hurdle is that I'm a words girl. Don't even be thinking about camming. The answer is no. I don't do it. Words are what get me off, so I need a guy who can formulate written porn, can also spell (ish - I'm more relaxed during messaging than in an e-mail) and would also find this a good way to get his rocks off.
A couple of years ago I discovered sex chat forums online. I used to hunt out suitable guys to chat to, on a completely anonymous one off basis (though occasionally they wheedled my e-mail address out of me - in fact, that's how I found Mr Australian Porn - I was hugely impressed that we had a whole sex scenario running in chat while he was supposed to be revising economics at the same time!).
I liked the power of the pickup, to be honest. And quite a few guys insisted at first that they wanted to talk on the phone or to cam, but managed to get their rocks off quite satisfactorily once they gave it a whirl.
But, personally, I've discovered I prefer a long term chat partner with whom I can be open. We both know what turns us on and can dip straight into a scenario without any awkward pre-socialising first. Obviously, he would have to be kinky as fuck. That goes without saying, surely?
I've only once done phone sex with a stranger, and there was a lot of faffing about first as to who was going to trust whom with their number (I phoned him, withheld my own and then threw his number away), which could have killed it.
But when I phoned him, he had a really strong Irish accent which I could barely comprehend, which made his absolutely filthy mouth even sexier. And he was mindblowingly good, quite happy to do all the talking (I am shit at phone sex if you need me to talk) and I came like a fucking train.
Never done it since, because I can't believe it could be as good again. But I guess I'd consider it with a regular cybersex partner, as long as they appreciate they will be doing all the talking.
Anyway, as there's a vacancy, any offers? | |
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12 Comments | |
| French kitchen appliances! |
Aug 5, 2008 4:53 am
390 Views |  | I need to vent about this!
The French, right, have lots of lovely little gadgets for their kitchens - bean grinders, espresso makers etc. But they traditionally have no use for kettles or toasters. It's only in the last 10 years or so that I've even seen either of these products commercially available, and toasters really only in the last 3- 4 years. To be fair, they now seem to have grasped the kettle idea fairly well.
But they haven't quite got to grips with what toasters, in particular, are supposed to do.
Rather than bring a toaster from the UK, I decided to buy one over here.
Firstly, because of the lack of choice, they are hideously expensive. Secondly, and I don't see how else I can put this, they are shit.
My toaster is round, to start with. I googled round toasters, and even after 20 pages of images by this brand, I couldn't find a pic. So the one attached gives you only an idea. Mine is much fatter and not as tall. Put it this way, it takes up a fuck of a lot of space on the worktop.
Update: Now found a pic of the right product, so I've updated the pic to this post.
Despite being the size of a small spaceship and having three slots, the slots take only tiny slices of bread. Three mouthfuls and your slice is finished.
But that's ok, because the French sliced bread that now exists is also tiny. (It's also sweet, but that's a different subject entirely - it's like eating candy).
But the thing about this toaster which really really pisses me off is that it doesn't toast.
At least, not in any sense that you or I would understand.
It vaguely warms and dries out the edge of the bread. And that is on the top setting (6 ). I can't begin to imagine what difference it must do on setting 1.
Sigh. I keep trying to remind myself I should bring out a decent toaster from the UK. I can't survive on this much longer. I need a toaster that belches out black smoke while it reduces my toast to a crisp.
At least, then, it is toast, and not just bread that tastes like it has been left on the window sill for too long. |
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17 Comments | |
| What a curious thing |
Aug 4, 2008 11:54 am
429 Views | Remember my neighbour who was ill sometime between our visit last summer and this? I've always had a bit of a crush on him.
Actually, The Farmer - fiction is supposedly fiction but is 100% true (apart from his name). He has always made me pretty breathless. He is Tom Cruise with height. Lush just doesn't cover it, even though I also know he is quite vain (his bathroom is very metrosexual, and he has scales in front of a cheval mirror; plus his choice of clothes is always very carefully modish).
Yesterday I saw him for the first time this trip - he came past in his tractor, screeched to a halt and jumped out to say hello.
At this point I am normally a puddle in my pants, with a blush all over my face. He's always been too polite (or self-absorbed!) to notice. Or maybe it's a reaction he gets from all the women he meets - entirely possible.
Anyway, the curious thing is that, since having heard about his brush with cancer (in his glands, apparently - there's a 2" scar on his neck from the surgery), I don't have that same reaction to him at all.
In fact, I was all mother hen, clucking over the way his beautiful jet back hair is now greyer and much shorter as it grows back after the chemo/radio. I may have imagined it, but it may have been him that blushed at that.
How odd, to have spent the last 3 years all tongue tied around him, and now to be suddenly cured of it. I can't say I'm unhappy about that. Was it just the fact that he proved he was an ordinary mortal after all that did it? I wonder. | |
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7 Comments | |
| Gotta love Craigs List! |
Aug 3, 2008 5:12 pm
Mood: Reconsidering shaving, 509 Views | Arti, you are so right about the material on there! I was contemplating what to do about my back passage, which is turning into a minor forest. In doing my research, I turned up this little gem
Don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR! | |
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12 Comments | |
| Stalking and Openness |
Aug 3, 2008 7:02 am
Mood: Pondering, 651 Views | This is a fairly half-formed post, so it might not come out. But it's always a good idea to get those thoughts in the pensieve while you can...
I mentioned that someone had recently tried to stir up trouble about my real life and my Adult FriendFinder life, and in fact had lied about what I do in real life (but close enough to what I genuinely do for me to know it wasn't a guess; they even mentioned the name of my business).
A number of Adult FriendFinder have got quite alarmed about this and started warning me about privacy etc. These are my thoughts on the matter.
Firstly, I don't give a fuck about who the person is. They are just trash who obviously have their own mental issues to deal with.
Am I scared of them? Hell, no! For one thing, they didn't actually say anything threatening. They just made it clear they knew of both my real life and my Adult FriendFinder life. And that seems to scare a lot of people.
It doesn't scare me because all my real life friends know I'm on Adult FriendFinder, and many of my Adult FriendFinder friends know my first name at least; many of them know what I do for a living. Being blessed (or cursed!) with not only an unusual first name, an unusual surname and also an unusual choice of vocation, it takes very little to Google me.
As one of my Adult FriendFinder friends did, just to prove she didn't even need my surname to find me.
So what? The thing is, yes, if you are a teacher called Sue Smith in the USA, you are pretty hard to find. Because there are loads of teachers, loads of Sues and loads of Smiths.
There's only one of me, and I got used to being recognised (from my name/job) a long long time ago.
Anyone could put this together and try to harass me in some way. The answer is not to try to make yourself invisible.
For one thing, that shows them they have some power over you, which might act as an encouragement. For another, unless you're prepared to go off grid and be self sufficient, it is pretty impossible to do these days.
I'm not prepared to go down the route of changing my name for email purposes etc, like a number of guys I have met have done. I am me. Deal with it.
Stalking is very easy to do. I know, because I've done it myself - got obsessive about someone, googled them, their family, followed up trails. In one case, I paid an investigator the grand sum of £20 to find an old boyfriend of mine. In another, a different old boyfriend of mine found me very easily by asking someone else what industry I was in.
Google is a very powerful tool.
But the point is that most "stalkers" (or information gatherers) have no evil intent. They may want to make contact, they may not. But why assume they mean you harm?
This is the same reason I get angry when my children are taught about Stranger Danger without being taught to assess situations for themselves: why should they be imprisoned by a fear of nameless strangers when the vast majority are well meaning towards them?
I too refuse to feel threatened just because one single person made a comment that could be threatening if interpreted one way. For all I know, it could be one of my mates got drunk and thought it would be a laugh (as it happens, I know it isn't, but that's not the point).
I refuse to overreact. I refuse to go off grid and try to erase all traces of me on the internet. I refuse to play the game of fear.
Instead, I'll enjoy my life, enjoy the interaction with my blogging friends and - if need be - enjoy getting a restraining order from the police against any loonies, if they really exist.
Do you hide your identity on the internet?
How?
And, if you have a loony following you (this is for Arti to answer!), what have you done about it? | |
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21 Comments | |
| Changes |
Aug 2, 2008 5:26 am
Mood: Keeping you informed, 610 Views | As from September, regular readers will know my boys are off to boarding school and I am opening a gym franchise. I will also be taking a part time job that has been pressed on me, given the uncertainties of the economic climate. Plus, we have changes ahead at my internet business.
Plus, I appear to have a man who wants the same kind of ongoing part time relationship that I do. Though I've thought this before - I won't consider it serious until he's been around for a year!
All in all, I'm going to be very busy once September comes around (making the most of August lolling opportunities!).
In addition, I had a comment from someone unknown to me on a post recently that appeared to be little more than an attempt to stir up trouble between my real life and my Adult FriendFinder life. Not sure what was behind it (other than the usual mental instability behind such people), but it makes me less interested in spending time here.
I don't have time to spend on negative energy. That's not the kind of person I am.
I have made many friends on Adult FriendFinder, some of whom I will stay in touch with via personal e-mail addresses. If you consider yourself a friend who would like to stay in touch but don't yet have my non Adult FriendFinder address, I'd suggest you contact me and we swap e-mail addresses.
Because at some stage I may well simply stop visiting here. I'll be sorry to say goodbye, but maybe the time is coming soon. | |
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8 Comments | |
| Hurrah! (sob) |
Aug 1, 2008 2:57 pm
Mood: Motorhomeless, 608 Views | My exBIL has just e-mailed me a jpg of the cheque for £17,000 for my motorhome, which he sold on my behalf yesterday.
Although very sad to say goodbye to the old girl (I feel bad, now, that we never named her), I am very happy to see her sold. Having spoken to three motorhome sales companies in the last two weeks, I know that this is supposed to be the busiest time of year for them, and that it is incredibly flat, because of the economic climate.
I was therefore resigned to a long old wait to sell the motorhome, which I could really have done without.
But bravo to exBIL, who managed to sell it with a streetside sign, and for £1,000 more than I was prepared to go down to.
Big slap up meal for him and his wife when we get home. | |
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2 Comments | |
| I thought I spent a long time in the bathroom.... |
Jul 31, 2008 8:45 am
Mood: Bog-gled!, 743 Views | ....but it's nothing to this news story. It popped up on MSN earlier today, but when I googled it later, I can see it was being reported in the USA back in March 2008.
Who says we get the news a bit behind time? I guess someone thought it was so unbelievable it needed to be thoroughly checked...
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US authorities are trying to work out why a Kansas woman spent two years on her boyfriend's toilet - so long that by the time he called emergency services her skin had grown around the lav's seat.
When the unnamed 35-year-old Ness City woman's other half finally picked up the phone on 27 February to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend", police found her "sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh". She was, according to Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple, "somewhat disoriented", and apparently suffering from atrophied legs.
While she initially said she "didn't need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave", she was eventually convinced a trip to hospital was in order. Whipple explained: "We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital. The hospital removed it."
Whipple elaborated: "She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body. It is hard to imagine... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."
Investigators were yeserday due to present their report to the county attorney who will decide "whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend", as ABC puts it. [Note: charges were filed recently, which is why MSN picked this story up)
He reportedly told the authorities he'd taken his bog-bound squeeze food and water every day, and asked her "to come out of the bathroom". Whipple said: "And her reply would be, 'Maybe tomorrow'. According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."
The former privy prisoner is now described as "in fair condition at a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles southeast of Ness City", but has "refused to cooperate with medical providers or law enforcement investigators". (Apparently she is going to support her boyfriend in court)
Neighbour James Ellis said he'd known the woman since she was a child but hadn't seen her for about six years. He explained that she'd "had a tough childhood after her mother died at a young age and apparently was usually kept inside the house as she grew up".
He concluded: "It really doesn't surprise me. What surprises me is somebody wasn't called in a bit earlier." | |
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5 Comments | |
| To link to this blog (CB_2) use [blog CB_2] in your messages. |
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