Some things I and "the Battle Axe" have argued about  

ByteChaser2 52M
2834 posts
6/14/2005 9:44 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Some things I and "the Battle Axe" have argued about

Just sitting here, basking in the afterglow of yet another vain attempt to get a clear and concise point across to my (soon to be EX, Oh please Goddess of light and peace) wife. This was a phone conversation as she's out of the country at a funeral... but I digress.

Anyway, the ensuing, and inevitable, argument reminded me of the varried and colorfully insane arguments she and I have had over the years...

Lets just call her... ummm... Penny. That's as good a name as any.

Penny wants to paint the garage. Yellow... Is this not MY domain? Is that not MY beer fridge in the corner? Are those not MY garden tools along the wall? Personally, I'm holding out for wallpaper - about a thousand Hooters calendars.

The amount of time I spend on the computer. Yeah but happy damn! That's what I do!

The amount of porn ON my computer. Ahh she got me there...

Watching TV. Ok wait... Understand that there are 4 sets in this house. FOUR! and they all have cable. So why, by all that is holy, must she watch Lifetime on the TV I'M watching??!!

Penny once asked me, "Do these pants make my ass fat?"... OOPS!

There is no right answer...
Just pretend your asleep...

The dishwasher. More specifically, why did we bother buying one if it'll never get used? She refuses to use it. Her point: It doesn't clean the dishes the way I want them. My point - again: Then why is it even in the house? That's wasted cabinet space!

Guess what I'm using while she's gone...

Putting things away. Ok... so my office is cluttered. Not messy, not filthy... just cluttered. Penny will wait until I'm on the road somewhere, doubtless looking for scraps of paper with telephone numbers on them, and unclutter my space... By putting everything into a cardboard box and storing it away in her secret cave somewhere in the upper Morongo desert!

Which obviously sparks off this obvious argument: "Penny, where's my IA Policies and Procedures manual?" reply: "Where did you put it?"

And were I to throw her from the speeding car, they'd put ME in prison!

Taking my morning dump. Ok... I spent better than half my life in the military. There is no privacy in the privy... I'm used to people being around when I pee. But ya know, just once I'd like to have my morning constitutional alone.

No Thanks... I'm not hungry.
NO Thankyou. I'm not hungry.
NO. I'll eat when I get HUNGRY!!!
Will you for the love of creation PLEASE not ask me if I want something to eat again!!!

Cheezy, plastic, K-Mart crap. Yeah. I finally retired. Landed a great job and an awesome paycheck every month. We buy this gorgeous new Southern California 2 story. We ritualistically dispose of all the old, ratty, bent, broken, stained and/or smelly crap we could previously only barely afford. And what does Penny do? Puts brand new, shiney, cheezy, plastic K-Mart brick-brack in it's place!

Oh... I freeze like a deer in the headlights when this one pops up out of left field...

That woman you work with, Rachel is it?, She seems nice.
uh-hum. She's ok I guess.
How old is she?
Oh... 30 ish...
What color is her hair?
Black. She's Indian...
Does she smoke?
Uh yeah... I've seen her in the smoking area before.

One of you will testify for me in court won't you?

rm_Elysia2005 43F
412 posts
6/14/2005 10:30 pm

I'll do better than that. "I don't know what happened or who did it, Officer, all I know is that he was with me the entire time."

ByteChaser2 52M

6/14/2005 10:35 pm

LMAO!!!! I knew I'd find a kind and decent soul out there! XXXXXX

ByteChaser2 52M

6/14/2005 11:22 pm

YES!! I am SOOOO not going to prison!

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
6/15/2005 12:40 am

lol Byte divorce IS an option the only problem is they don't go away....

she sounds just like Boney's ex

ditch the bitch get a one way ticket to the land of OZ, screw alimony they have to find you first!


wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
6/15/2005 12:40 am

Oh the guys I know call their's Butter Cup



6/15/2005 2:18 am

When all this gets you to the point , "ohhhh no don`t do that"

"THINK BUNNY" That should get you through those rough points, kinda hard to ummmm do Vegas or anyone of those places from behind bars.


ByteChaser2 52M

1/30/2006 9:49 am

Become a member to create a blog