Phobias and Fears  

ByteChaser2 52M
2834 posts
2/22/2006 3:14 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Phobias and Fears

So... A little while back [blog sj365] and I were chatting - one on one - and she'd said something about being in one of her favorite chat rooms, talking and joking and philosophizing... It kind of hit me right square in the middle of the chest. You know, that kind of lead weight feeling like you let your best friend down.

See, I really want to join her in these group discussions but... I just cant bring myself to that next step.

I turn into a jiggly bowl of jello in a group setting.

Remember, back in high school, that introvert who always showed up to the dance or pep rally and just stood over in the corner shuffling feet and staring at the crowd? That was me. Hell, to this day, I get anxious at the mall. Concert? Forget it! Haven't been to one since my junior year.

Funny thing is though, I can stand in front of a couple hundred people and make a great presentation. I've mingled with the top end brass at luncheons and receptions. But I just cant seem to conquer that fear in a crowd thing...

Then there's the whole homophobia thing. I know... it's completely irrational. It's serious though... Here's an example of how utterly pervasive it really is with me.

There are two, count em - two - men in my favorite blogger list. Two out of about 50. Why? Cause I'm petrified of getting hit on by a guy. So much so that I've intentionally ignored some of the best male bloggers out here.

Want more? Just this morning, I'm in that "Who's viewing my profile" thing and there's this new one... 40 Year Old Female it says... So I click on the link and check out the profile. She's a tranny and I swear, I started reaching for the paxil to control the anxiety! And for what?

Well, I know exactly from where this homophobia stems... I'm just not ready to snatch that skeleton out of it's closet just yet.

Sometimes I wish for a normal irrational fear... like spiders or water or heights... but Nooooooo It's got to be other people. Go figure huh?

rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
2/22/2006 6:21 pm


so what yer not so good in groups...

yer wonderful one on one...

that makes up for it

caressmewell 53F

2/22/2006 8:19 pm

One on one is better anyway

ByteChaser2 52M

2/23/2006 7:57 am

Your such a sweetheart slippy. But I still want to go out with ya!

ByteChaser2 52M

2/23/2006 8:02 am

lol caress - Not sure about better... But I'll concede that it's enough

ByteChaser2 52M

2/23/2006 8:04 am

Play - Only a few more years and I'm over it? Sweet! I can do 4 years standing on my head

rm_1SweetBitch 55F
8575 posts
2/23/2006 8:35 am

One on one is better for me...when I was much younger I was into it all though.

No Day Is So Bad It Can't Be Fixed With Great Sex!

1 SweetBitch

ByteChaser2 52M

2/23/2006 9:54 am

Hey sweet - Welcome to the asylum Seems to work better for me too... Prolly why I make a point to make direct and personal replies to all people who visit my pot here.



2/23/2006 1:47 pm

As far as the phobia each their own, you have that right as well to not want to deal with them regardless of your skeletons. Also a crowd is fun but I must agree with the on one is oh so much better! You are great just being you.

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

ByteChaser2 52M

2/23/2006 2:17 pm

Awww thanks MO

Oh... and I just remembered another downside to that whole crowd thing... Looks like there ain't a 3 some in my future lol

TabithaElectra79 37F

2/24/2006 9:02 am

The others are right, one on one is better!

Seriously though, I have a phobia very similar to yours, it's talking to new people and using the phone! I only ever answer the phone if I am 100% sure who it is calling me!

ByteChaser2 52M

2/24/2006 9:56 am

I'm with you on that phone thing too. I tell ya, if I could get my kids to answer the thing, I'd never use mine

ByteChaser2 52M

2/24/2006 10:05 am

Hey Shaye,

Can't really speak to that being in a crowd thing. I honestly don't know why... But there is most definitely a reason for the homophobia. I may come clean about it one day... or not. We'll just have to see

Thanks hun!

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