Virginity..over rated or underated?  

ButteryDelight 58F
1961 posts
5/27/2006 10:16 am

Last Read:
8/30/2006 5:38 am

Virginity..over rated or underated?

As some of you know my daughter is getting married June 24th. We have been working hard getting everything ready for the wedding, and trying not to stress out too much in the process. While we were sitting here arranging flowers, the subject of virginity came up and was discussed.

My daughter knows how I feel about this subject as we have discussed it many times. I didn't approve of her moving in and living with her boyfriend for two years before getting married. But, she was 20 years old and there was not much I could do to prevent it. I did tell her how I felt about that decision. Her reply was, "MOM, you are so old fashioned" "Every one lives together now." "It is a way to see if we are compatible or not." When I said that it sounded like a way to get unlimited sex with out any consequences, she rolled her eyes and said "Not every one remains a virgin until they are 24 years old and then looses their virginity on their wedding night". She was referring to me with that statement.

To make a long story short we talked for the greater part of an hour on the subject of virginity and if it matters or not. Surprisingly she would want any daughter of hers to remain a virgin until she was married. Sounds like a double standard to me.

We discussed th erisks of VD and protection and AIDS as well. A good part of this discussion was about purity and keeping ones self away from others except for the one they had a commitment to.

This mother/daughter talk got my curiosity going. So, to those of you reading this blog, please tell me. How do you feel about virginity? Is it important? Is it over rated? Outdated and not needed in this day? Please post your opinions.

MamChelle 48F  
1443 posts
5/27/2006 12:42 pm

BD i never had the choice. However had i had the ability to choose to loose or keep my virtue till marriage.....i probably would have still opted to have sex at an early age. It is just my own opinion that the value placed on a womans purity is a little outdated in todays society. It is always going to be a matter of ones choice...but in our parents day so many young women suffered because of hidden pregnancies and rushed quicky marriages all in the name of "doing the right thing" i just don't see how making one feel dirty or wrong in doing the very thing our bodies were created to do is a positive message...i'd much rather it be taught from a personal responcibility angle not a stay virgin til;l marriage angle. Personal choices always have consequinces and instead of making a youth feel inferior or wrong about a choice it is my opinion they should have all the info to make the soundest descision....and the aid with dealing not judgement and or the ridicule that sex out of wedlock in our parents generation so often generated. Too many children were either aborted or given away because of this dangerous mindset. i speak from personal experience on that score. After being taken for an abortion at 13 i have never been able to carry a babe to term....*thats another story for another time* So i say lets first help them be informed and second support not judge if one makes a descision the negatively effects them, when it comes to giving up their virture before some supposed bliss of a wedding night...i have listened to virgins complain how awkward and awful the pressure of that has been.....*grins* chelle

ButteryDelight 58F

5/27/2006 4:00 pm


You have some very valid points. But, I still can't help thinking that promiscuity is not a good thing, especially with aids lurking out there.

Speaking as one of those virgins on her wedding night that you were talking about..If that one experience was what sex is about? I would have never had sex again

wickedeasy 67F  
26804 posts
5/28/2006 6:44 am

i worked in HIV for almost 20 years - i kept a bowl of condoms on my table - for my son and his friends and while i agree that one always hopes that your child will have their first sexual experience born from love, i think it is naive to expect that.

virginity: well the first time i was by 4 boys and the second time was absurd and i agree - i thought "what's all the fuss about?"

now at 56 - i can barely think fo anythign else -

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

ButteryDelight 58F

5/28/2006 10:24 pm


Yes, we can wish the best for our children but in the end they have to make their own choices. Which is why after expressing how I felt about my daughter living with a man, I let it go. I was not going to ruin our relationship by being "right".

it saddens me that there is a lot of date out there.
It saddens me that happened to you as well. It also makes me angry. Grrrrrrr. Now I know why the punishment for used to be castration.


loadeddice05 44M

5/29/2006 6:21 am

Virginity is a great thing if the person can keep hold of it!!! Now it's almost unheard of. And the pressures so much greater for kids! My daughter is getting to that "boy crazy" age and it really scares me! I know I need to get ready for the coming storm and how her mother and I can steer her through it!!! I lost my maidenhead late!! LOL! So????

SxyCrazyCool 38F

5/29/2006 7:50 am

Pffeww.. This is a difficult one..

I lost mine when I was 18. I was not in love with him and looking back (yes I know regret is useless but) I do regret having lost it to this person.
I haven't been married and probably won't be any time soon. I've had many sexual partners.. some of whom I have very fond memories of and some of whom I hardly remember.. Hahaha my mother doesn't have a clue and she'd probably be horrified if she knew, but I can't say that I'm sorry. I do think that it's possible to have wonderful sexual experiences with someone you don't actually Love (I've had them) and I also know it's different with someone you do really Love. If I ever have a daughter I won't expect her to stay a virgin until she gets married. Sorry, but I can't understand who'd ever get married without having gone for a testdrive. Sure, in the old days you were expected to, but nowadays?? No way.. I know how important sex is for me and I wouldn't want my daughter to have the chance to end up frustrated and caught in a marriage that is unsatisfactory for her.. Why do you think on this site there's So Many people who are married and looking for something extra?

When I was in Australia I met a 26 y/o virgin. She's a gorgeous Hot Looking little thing and all the guys have the hots for her.. Still all this time she managed to keep her virginity and I have a huge respect for that!! I guess if you don't know what you're missing it's easier.. And then when you get married and he turns out to be a disappointment in bed, you'll never know what fantastic earthshaking mindblowing sex can be like. Will you miss it less then?


ButteryDelight 58F

5/29/2006 10:16 am


It has been interesting around here, and your life will be too as you deal with girl related issues. My daughter didn't really become boy crazy until she was 16. So, I can be thankful for that. And as she points out to me.."Hey, least I didn't do drugs or get myself pregnant"!

Have fun with your daughter. The years ahead will be precious.

Thank you for replying ot my blog. I hope you come back soon.


ButteryDelight 58F

5/29/2006 10:22 am

Welcome back,sxycrazycool,

I can speak to your other comment. Have been a virgin until I was 26 and having had only one man..sure..I wonder what sex would be like with another man. I wonder what that "Earth shattering mind blowing experience would be like." But, then..what woman doesn't wonder?

Thanks for reading and replying.


ButteryDelight 58F

5/29/2006 10:23 am

oops..24 was when I lost my virginity 26 was when I became a mother.

ButteryDelight 58F

5/31/2006 12:15 am

    Quoting kittenkisses24:
    well, i can't honestly expect an adult (anyone over 18 to be a virgin). if they are...kudos to them. but if they aren't, i wouldn't look down on them for it. but as for starting too young, that is where i worry. i have an 8 yr old, and i worry about her starting young. she is very pretty and has a very pretty body, and everyone tells me that i will have trouble with her when she gets older. being realistic, i can't expect her to be a virgin forever, but i do want her to wait till she is an adult and can make a responsible decision.
Excellent point,kittenkisses. I would wish for my daughter to have no regrets about the choices she has made. Thank you for reading and replying to my blog. Please return again.

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