A funny thing happened to me the other day in Church  

ButteryDelight 58F
1961 posts
6/6/2006 2:31 pm

Last Read:
6/17/2006 11:30 pm

A funny thing happened to me the other day in Church

Yes. I said it. I said the C word. C H U R C H. Oh my, there is the entire word now.. Yes, I go to church and yes, I believe in God. I feel like I need all the help I can get from what ever source is available to handle life's ups and downs. I also definitely believe that God has sense of humor. Especially considering what happened to me three years ago.

It was the Wednesday evening service and as is typical in most churches, attendance was low for the mid-week service. Our pastor had been doing a series of sermons on making people feel welcome and not forming cliques with in the church. So, I had made an effort not to sit in "my special spot" but to sit by someone I didn't know. When I came in the room I noticed that there in the front row was a couple that had been visiting for several weeks. I chose to sit by them. Sitting right behind me, was my girlfriend, the one I had written the sensual poem for and the one whom I had monthly "Girls Night Out" meetings.

We stood up and sang some songs then sat for the sermon. I was trying to pay attention when my girl friend behind me began tapping on my shoulder. I tried ot ignore her but finally I turned my head and whispered WHAT?. She pointed down at my chair . I looked to the right and then to the left and didn't see anything. She leaned up and whispered "It's UNDER your chair, at your feet." I bent completly over and stuck my head under to have a look and see what it was. And there it was. A tampon lying on the floor right underneath my feet and my chair. I was so embarrassed. I frantically started thinking now HOW did that get there? My mind finally reminded me that tampon couldn't be mine cause I wasn't having my monthly. I relaxed some but then started wondering, just WHOSE tampon was it then?

I casually looked to the right and smiled at the elderly man sitting there. Nope. NOT his. I casually glanced to the left. Uhuh, yup. It was the wife of the new visiting couple. I could see her purse had gotten turned over by our standing and sitting so many times and was laying now on its side.

Well, I decided I would help save the wife of the visiting couple some embarrassment and just get that tampon. So, I started trying to scoot my feet together to pick up the tampon between them. Well, if you have never tried that, it is an amazing, acrobatic undertaking worthy of a gymnast's grace and coordination. Y'all should know something before I go any farther. I ain't no gymnast!

So, I wiggled and squirmed in that metal folding chair, trying to get that tampon between my two shoes. All I succeeded in doing was to end up kicking it farther out in front of me and in front of where the pastor was speaking. You would have thought I'd just given up by now, right? NOT!!. I scoot down in my chair till I am almost laying flat with my butt just barely in the chair and streeeetch my legs and foot out. All the while I am doing this the pastor is talking about accepting people as their are. How everyones personality is different and God loves all of us as individuals.

Finally, totally exasperated I stand up and walk up to the podium, bend down pick up the tampon and turning around I head back to my chair. Stunned silence falls and I realize that the whole room is well aware of what I have been trying to do.

In to the silence the pastor clears his throat and says, "And here at ________ church none of our members is as unique as Mrs. _______" and looks at me!. The room erupts in laughter, as my face turns a bright tomato red color. Well, not to be out done by the pastor, I stand up, turn around, and bow to the crowd. I sit back down and the service ends shortly after that.

Do you know I am still called Mrs. Unique? Hm mm..I am not sure if that is a blessing or a curse.

So, how about you readers? Have any embarrassing moments to share? In church or other places?



ohcurious14 59M
1683 posts
6/6/2006 5:13 pm

Omg Buttery, That is so funny..But you did the right thing. Now on the other side of the coin, my brother is a minister, and with his sense of humor Lord knows what he would of done.

Now my story involves Church as well. Our church was getting ready to move to a newer place and the Church that was going to take over our Church was invited to attend the last Church Service we would have there.
Now this was not your normal service either. It was a play that I was in and as a group, we did a skit that had a story to it. As part of the skit,which was laced with Christian humor, my part was to be eating popcorn. Well as I was eating the popcorn it became my turn to speak and as I took a breath a piece of popcorn got wedged in my throat. As I labored to get it out, I was trying to remain calm because the entire audience was screaming in laughter, as they thought I was acting quite well, and the choking was part of the play. What they didn't know was, I nearly choked to death.Funny thing was even the cast thought I was playing the part.


MamChelle 48F  
1443 posts
6/6/2006 11:59 pm

BD, i think that you have been in the room when i have admitted being the daughter of a methodist mimister. Daddy has bullied me into going to one of his away preaching nights at another church..so i wore the panty hose that i so detest and the pretty skirt and heels that he bought me for last christmas...i am 17 and i had to go potty...Now we are all ushered to sit up front ya know ...cause were the preachers kids...so i had to go and as i did all of the congration seemed to watch me walk down that isle....but when i returned they really were watching me ...seems my skirt got caught in my pantys in my hurry to get back before Daddy got upset. As i came up that isle i had no idea i was showing my hot pinkl panties to the whole world...i don't know if that was the most embarassing...or if it was having my Daddy pull my skirt out of my pantys in front of everyone and scolding me as he did it for showing my ass to the world....Hehehehe. i wanted to crawl under a pew! No better place to learn guilt than in a church!


MamChelle 48F  
1443 posts
6/7/2006 12:02 am

BD,

i think that you have been in the room, when i have admitted to being the daughter of a methodist minister.

Daddy had bullied me into going to one of his away preaching nights at another church..so i wore the panty hose that i so detest and the pretty skirt and heels that he bought me for last christmas...i am 17 and i had to go potty...Now we are all ushered to sit up front ya know ...cause were the preachers kids...so i had to go and as i did all of the congration seemed to watch me walk down that isle....but when i returned they really were watching me ...seems my skirt got caught in my pantys in my hurry to get back before Daddy got upset. As i came up that isle i had no idea i was showing my hot pinkl panties to the whole world...i don't know if that was the most embarassing...or if it was having my Daddy pull my skirt out of my pantys in front of everyone and scolding me as he did it for showing my ass to the world....Hehehehe. i wanted to crawl under a pew!

No better place to learn guilt than in a church!


wickedeasy 66F  
25377 posts
6/7/2006 6:38 am

churches are way stations - places that are energetically connected - at least some of them - i found an old hidden chapel in a manor in ENgland - climbed the ladder into this small quiet room and could feel the agony of fear mixed with such an extraordinary peace. i meditated there for a while until my heart and mind calmed and then i heard the soft sound of prayer from the lips of people long gone. what an amazing place

most embarrassing church moment was with my mom who was very strict about our not fidgeting and laughing. One Sunday, a man directly in front of us let out the longest, loudest, smelliest fart i have ever heard, seen or smelled. my brother looked at me, i looked at my sister, my sister looked at my other brother and we knew we were doomed. then we heard a strangled cry. we turned to Mom who was biting her lips and tears were running down her red face. she stood and as we struggled over peoples knees to get to the end of the pew, she finally lost it and a guffaw broke loose which set us all to laughing and the people in our row to laughing and the people in front of us to laughing and as we curried to escape, the priest said in his most sonorous and stern voice, "take no joy in your neighbor's misfortune/." that did it. mom barely made it to the door, doubled over as she was and the crowd behind us and all of us pushed out into the sunlight and laughed for about ten minutes, not a word said, well my brothers as was their wont, did occasionally make farting noises.

was i embarrassed? gloriously so

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


ButteryDelight 58F

6/7/2006 7:31 am

    Quoting ohcurious14:
    Omg Buttery, That is so funny..But you did the right thing. Now on the other side of the coin, my brother is a minister, and with his sense of humor Lord knows what he would of done.

    Now my story involves Church as well. Our church was getting ready to move to a newer place and the Church that was going to take over our Church was invited to attend the last Church Service we would have there.
    Now this was not your normal service either. It was a play that I was in and as a group, we did a skit that had a story to it. As part of the skit,which was laced with Christian humor, my part was to be eating popcorn. Well as I was eating the popcorn it became my turn to speak and as I took a breath a piece of popcorn got wedged in my throat. As I labored to get it out, I was trying to remain calm because the entire audience was screaming in laughter, as they thought I was acting quite well, and the choking was part of the play. What they didn't know was, I nearly choked to death.Funny thing was even the cast thought I was playing the part.
LOL,Ohcurious. You story is just as funny and I thank you for telling it to us. I can just see that happening. I have had similar funny things happen to me during a performance. But, now..Hmmm. I wonder if popcorn stuck in my throat would keep me silent for a few minutes. NOT!..*grin


ButteryDelight 58F

6/7/2006 7:38 am

    Quoting MamChelle:
    BD,

    i think that you have been in the room, when i have admitted to being the daughter of a methodist minister.

    Daddy had bullied me into going to one of his away preaching nights at another church..so i wore the panty hose that i so detest and the pretty skirt and heels that he bought me for last christmas...i am 17 and i had to go potty...Now we are all ushered to sit up front ya know ...cause were the preachers kids...so i had to go and as i did all of the congration seemed to watch me walk down that isle....but when i returned they really were watching me ...seems my skirt got caught in my pantys in my hurry to get back before Daddy got upset. As i came up that isle i had no idea i was showing my hot pinkl panties to the whole world...i don't know if that was the most embarassing...or if it was having my Daddy pull my skirt out of my pantys in front of everyone and scolding me as he did it for showing my ass to the world....Hehehehe. i wanted to crawl under a pew!

    No better place to learn guilt than in a church!
LOL Chelle, I know you learned to check the back of your skirt from then on, didn't ya....lol. Yes, I remember you telling that in the room. I was a United Methodist when we lived up North and a Southern Baptist when we moved to Texas. Right now, I prefer to refer to myself as a believer as denominations really don't matter in the long run. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Buttery Delight


ButteryDelight 58F

6/10/2006 5:07 pm

    Quoting wickedeasy:
    churches are way stations - places that are energetically connected - at least some of them - i found an old hidden chapel in a manor in ENgland - climbed the ladder into this small quiet room and could feel the agony of fear mixed with such an extraordinary peace. i meditated there for a while until my heart and mind calmed and then i heard the soft sound of prayer from the lips of people long gone. what an amazing place

    most embarrassing church moment was with my mom who was very strict about our not fidgeting and laughing. One Sunday, a man directly in front of us let out the longest, loudest, smelliest fart i have ever heard, seen or smelled. my brother looked at me, i looked at my sister, my sister looked at my other brother and we knew we were doomed. then we heard a strangled cry. we turned to Mom who was biting her lips and tears were running down her red face. she stood and as we struggled over peoples knees to get to the end of the pew, she finally lost it and a guffaw broke loose which set us all to laughing and the people in our row to laughing and the people in front of us to laughing and as we curried to escape, the priest said in his most sonorous and stern voice, "take no joy in your neighbor's misfortune/." that did it. mom barely made it to the door, doubled over as she was and the crowd behind us and all of us pushed out into the sunlight and laughed for about ten minutes, not a word said, well my brothers as was their wont, did occasionally make farting noises.

    was i embarrassed? gloriously so
LOL..easy. Thank you for telling me that. That is a wonderfully funny story. I have some other ones that I will tell at another time. They involve my children.


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