The Many Ways in Which I Have Sinned  

Bubbalicious85 31F
10 posts
4/30/2005 12:10 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The Many Ways in Which I Have Sinned

I was a member on AdultFriendFinder under a different and very similar handle for almost a month, and during that time, I was unfaithful to my boyfriend 3 times with two different people. I also had a blog in which I exaggerated my experiences with the men I met, and said incredibly hurtful things about the one true love of my life, who, being the unbelievably kind and gentle man that he is, is in the very painful process of forgiving me. We are trying very hard to move on with our lives, and with our relationship.

He found out on Wednesday night while I was out at a dress rehearsal for a concert, and left 3 heartbreaking voicemails for me before showing up where I was to TALK about all of this with me. I assumed that he would kick me out of the apartment, and break up with me on the spot. Instead, he wanted to better understand what had happened and why. I told him everything, and since then, it has been a terrible roller coaster ride. For the first two days, he couldn't even really look at me without crying, and I couldn't even really cry, because I was so numb.

Yesterday, we went for a long drive out toward the eastern part of MA, and, although it was rocky at times, had a pretty good time. We seemed to almost be like "us" again for a little while. Last night, we got home, and I finally completely broke down sobbing in bed. It was awful. But then, an amazing thing happened: We made love; the kind of lovemaking that is so profound that it shakes you from the root of your being. Afterward he looked me in the eyes and said "See how special it's supposed to be?" AND I DO.

rm_4nik8_4u 61M
2501 posts
4/30/2005 3:33 pm

For once you felt the "love" part in lovemaking, and it does add an entirely new dimension to things. I hope you are able to continue feeling it. BTW, Does he know you're on here now? If not maybe you should think about sharing it with him. You don't want to make the same mistake twice. Good luck!

rm_martydm 51M

4/30/2005 3:57 pm

You are very lucky lady to have that man in your life. It's good that you able to see what you have before you lose him. Hold on to him tight and with all that you have because it takes a great man to be who he is and what he is doing. I understand because it happened to me but I wasn't lucky enough to have a someone who tried to change their ways and continued to take advantage of me and cause me more pain. I've also been the one to lose the person I should have been with for the rest of my life because I couldn't see how wonderful that person was. I've been on both sides of the situation and either way it just isn't something I would want anyone else to go through. I think you are both courageous people who seem to think the world of each other and I really hope you two make it work. It will take time but it will be so worth it. Talk w/ each other about everything so you can do the right thing for each other. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship, without it, it's not going to work. You've made a mistake but in that you gain wisdom. Wisdom is a tough thing to gain as it takes life experiences to find it and have it. Learn from this and go forward. It's funny but I have two friends of mine whom I brought together and they are going to getting married in July. They are Jen and Ian. I initially met Jen at a bar and we seemed to hit it off. I had noticed though that as I talked w/ Jen, her friend Ian was keeping on eye on us. As the night progressed and I talked w/ Jen more and a bit w/ Ian, I deduced that Ian had always wanted to be w/ Jen but he just couldn't make the initial move and didn't have the confidence to do so. Jen started to get closer to me and seemed to want to get together w/ me and that's when I had to stop her and tell her what she wasn't seeing. Her and Ian should be together. I must say it wasn't easy for me as I hadn't met anyone in a while and Jen was my type physically and personality wise. But, I had been in Ian's shoes one too many times. That night was the first night what will be the rest of their life. They are sooo happy together, they are so great together. I think you two have that. Their will always be bumps in the road but as you overcome them, it makes your relationship stronger, able to overcome and deal w/ anything. I wish you two the best of luck...

redswallow777 48M
6810 posts
4/30/2005 5:46 pm

Sorry the ride has been so bumpy for you. I also would encourage open communication about this site if you want to continue being here. I know you don't want to hurt him or yourself. Best of luck.

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