|Blogs > BrutusBuck27 > Road of the Merry Fool.|
Getting Back into the Scene
Getting Back into the Scene
Life for me right now seems so new and ackward. The way it is for a baby that takes it first steps. I have to admit that when it comes to relationships and dating, I feel like as naive as a child. I just came out of a 12 year relationship that in the end made me feel very dead inside. I tried to make things work, but in the end, I felt if I didn't leave, I would lose myself for good. So now getting back into things, I'm face with a lot of choices about who I want to be and how I want to live my life when it comes to dating and sex.
It's hard when you get out of a long trelationship. You Think you are going to spend the rest of your life with that person; and then one day everything that you put your heart and soul into is gone in a cloud of dust.I actually met her in highscool. We were just two lonely and neglected kids who latched onto each other She was the straight laced ,book studying type and I was anything but that. She was also very honest and sweet. She seemed like the sterotypical good girl.
Appearances on the surface can be misleading though. The sex between us was always good. She loved sex and to experiment as much as I did. We fooled around everywhere. One of the best experiences was at a park on a hill card archery hill. Here we were feeling each other up in the tall grass with a groundskeeper down at the bottom of the hill just 15 yards away. He couldn't see us, which was even more thrilling.
The problem is that nothing else seemed to work. After highschool.Things went sour. We both were as passionate in our tempers as we were for each other. In the end, we quit talking to each other and just coexisted. The thing that kept us together is the hopeful renewel of that early passion we had in highschool. It never came, and one day I left because I could not live that kind of life anymore. Our hearts were broken, but we knew it was better to move on.
So now I kind of feel like a small fish lost in a big ocean.For instance, I have a hard time talking to people in bars and clubs becaus I don't feel sure of myself. I just stumble blindly around the clubs looking at hot girls, but feeling like a dumbass because I don't know how to feel or what to do.
Right now I live day to day with these emotional conflicts tearing at me. Do I just make a lot of friends, or should I get into relationships. Should I open myself up for as many sexual experiences as possible, or should I just wait to get into a relationship. The horny guy part of me says, " Yeah dude! Go for it!" However, my limited experiences in relationships tell me that sexual encounters go hand in had with emotional attachment. Maybe I should try both. I feel like I won't know which way to take if I haven't walked down both roads. The thing about a fool is that he only becomes a sage through experience.