|Blogs > BothBiInLeesvlle > A Whole New World|
The story so far...
The story so far...
As the Grateful Dead sang, '...what a long, strange trip its been...'
Hi. My name is Chris, and I am a 32 year old bisexual male. I have known for as long as I can remember that I wanted both worlds, but it wasn't until this year - after my 'gaydar' went off on some cuuuute neighbors - that the frustration I was feeling from having to pretendto be heteroseual reached a boiling point and I snapped and decided that our wedding vows of 'for better or for worse' was going to get a real test of those words.
I told her in a gentle way and she nodded in understanding, noting along with me a list of the 'signs' she had seen along the way that I had feelings along those lines, like my love of 'open-minded' movies (Rocky Horror, To WongFoo, Pricilla, etc.,), pro gay-marriage standpoints, and the comments made when men like Kyle (from Queer Eye), Antonio Bandaras, and *sigh* Vin Deisel crossed the screen.
She was a little unsettled,but ok with it. It was just going to take her some time to adjust. To help her out, I scoured the internet for her and found a support group specificly for straight wives of bi men. The actual support she got helped her a lot and we were able to grow stronger as a couple not only through the new openness of being able to be 'girlfriends' at the beach checking out guys together but also for that one, seemingly simple but deeply meaningful, step of not 'abandoning' her in her time of need to pursue my own long-repressed desires.
I went looking online for friends or advice to help me adjust as well, quickly finding out that bisexuals, unfortunately, sometimes get the angry eye from both sides for not 'choosing' a gender orientation. Thankfully, I have yet to be truely 'flamed' or attacked for my choice and I would like to thank each of the men who talked to me, if even just long enough to pass on tidbits of advice such as pretending to be fully homosexual when at gay bars, etc., Those ounces of prevention have probably saved me pounds of heartache.
I did go to a 'nearby' bar twice, the first time having fun and truely relaxing for the first time ever. (I even got a little wild and brashly ran out onto the dance floor and stuck a dollar into the beltloop of one of the best dancers I have ever seen in my life... and no, he wasn't stripping or anything... simply dancing.) The second time, however, I got quite a shock.
I got sexually assaulted. He was druuuuunk and had probably 75-100lbs on me. I wasn't attracted to him, really (and no, it wasn't a weight issue... I just don't find sloppy drunks who moan "I love you...let me suck you off" every thirty seconds while you're...oh, I dunno... trying to carry on a real conversation with them attractive) To make a long story short, we were sitting on a couch in the bar, one minute, all is ok, next minute, he's leaning in on me and ripping my pants open to grope me. Right there in the bar... Right in front of the front door... And telling me "Relax... No one can see..." *Shivers*
Now I know that something similar to that is the stuff Penthouse Forum letters are made of, but it really shook me up. Had it not been for my insistance the he stop and the alcohol overtaking him to the point where he passed out on the couch, I'm fairly sure that my first real homosexual experience would have been . Not a real happy thought.
I have some errands to run, but I will write more on this later. Thanks, AdultFriendFinder... I think this Blog feature is going to be a good catharsis at least for my thoughts and feelings about everything.
1/3/2006 1:12 pm
I would like to correspond with you if possible, in a less public forum - please write when you are able and if inclined.|