My purpose in life? (I hope not!)  

BonnieBoy2 57M
16 posts
2/2/2006 12:48 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

My purpose in life? (I hope not!)

Sometimes, I think I went into the wrong line of work. I was born too late, by - oh, 1000 years or so. Long past the time when there are any dragons to slay, I've spent a lot of time "rescuing" women. Particularly women who've been abused somehow. OK, not somehow: sexually abused. By men. Men they trusted.

How does it work that we find each other so unerringly, these abused women and I? Is it my purpose in life to try and restore some small portion of trust to them? To help them reawaken to their bodies and their passions? Or is it a quirk in me? Maybe I feel some kind of power or purpose in this "rescue" and so I seek it out, however unconsciously? Who knows? (Who the fuck cares? asks my 12:30 at night voice).

I've been chatting with a very interesting person I met on this site. I'll call her Magdelena. I misread her profile to say she was looking for women or couples, but she meant couple as in "2 women." She was very explicit about what she wanted to do:

She's only interested in sucking a woman's nether regions. Either end. She doesn't want to be touched or reciprocated really in any way.

For some reason, despite our obvious incompatiblity, we've struck up a cyber friendship of sorts. She had confided in me all sorts of things, like her favorite pussy and ass sucking techniques, the types of women she does and how her whole gig works. I won't go into too much more detail on that, out of fairness to her privacy.

I was asking myself, "Why is this women telling me all this stuff? What am I getting from this besides prurient, vicarious pleasure (and what's wrong with that? asks my 12:30 voice)?

As her story unfolded and she confided ever more extremes of sexual behavior to me, I felt a growing sense of concern for her. I was feeling sympathy mixed with arousal, protective feelings, wanting to help (and yes, wishing she'd relent and treat me as the one man on earth she might apply her mouth to).

Then, almost out of the blue, she started telling me about her abuse. I listened with a mix of sympathy, anger, curiousity and occasional guilty arousal. I fed back to her some of what my own therapist has said to me. Whether she could see it or not (and I'm pretty sure she could), her childhood experiences have impacted her personal and sexual life severely. Her sexual behavior fairly well crosses into what can many would label as "deviant."

And here she is, a woman who pretty much detests men (with reason), spilling her guts, holding very little back, to me: a guy she has only known for hours, and that only through online chat. And I bet it was good for her to talk to me (well, I hope so anyway).

Maybe I should have been a therapist. I used to think sometimes I should have been a priest, but my adult behavior would disqualify me from most religious orders, which is just as well. In any event, I bet dragonslaying would have been easier and probably more fun - unless the dragon won. At least it would have been over quickly.

Or better yet, a bartender. After my next conversation with Magdelena, I'll definitely need a drink.


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